Destiné à être (Meant to Be)
by eorocks
Summary: Elliot makes an appearance six years after he left, and he and Olivia work on repairing their friendship. I'm not going to give too much away, except to say it's S18ish, and Tuckson never happened.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Hi everyone! I'm back. I had so much fun writing Holiday, and I was itching to write another fun romp, away from the cases and the squad and everything else. melonian4life and kukrae suggested this story line, and I decided to go for it. This is the first time I've ever written anything after Elliot left (post Season 12), and I was a little nervous to write it. Hopefully, you like it. FYI, to get to the fun, we have to have a little build-up, so bear with me. Let me know your thoughts! Thanks._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia walked back into the living room, picking up Noah's toys from the floor along the way.

She looked up when she detected motion in her peripheral vision, and saw Elliot pushing himself off the couch. Seeing him in her apartment still surprised her sometimes. Even though he'd been back in her life for almost six months, she had only seen him a handful of time in the first four. She'd only started letting him come to her place in the past couple of weeks, and this was the first time he'd met Noah.

"Need some help?" Elliot asked.

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that she'd managed just fine on her own for quite a while now…six years to be exact…but she was trying to quiet those thoughts in her mind. "No. I'm used to it." She said keeping her tone neutral.

Elliot took the toys gently from her hands. "I want to help." He said quietly.

Olivia watched as he put the toys in the colorful bins she had stacked in the corner, and as he scooped up others still on the floor. In the passing months, she had noticed a new gentleness in him…a calmness she'd never seen before. The rage and anger had been replaced…or at least minimized…in the years since she'd seen him. She noticed it in the way he moved and the way he spoke, and she was still getting used to it.

When he turned to face her, Olivia gave him a small smile. "Thank you." Her voice was just as quiet as his had been, and she didn't know if it was because Noah was asleep (finally), or if it was because of the unease she still felt at having him here…at having him meet Noah. It was a big step. One she hadn't been sure she was ready to take.

Elliot stood rooted in place, unsure if Olivia wanted him to leave, or if she was going to ask him to stay for a while. She had been on edge all evening. "Olivia." He saw her look up at him. "Thank you for letting me meet Noah." He took a couple steps forward, and he saw Olivia watching him. "He's a great kid."

Olivia nodded. She hated that after all these years, he still seemed to know what she was thinking. "He is."

Elliot took a few more steps in her direction, until he was only a few feet away. "You're a great mom." Elliot smiled. "I knew you would be." He was so incredibly happy for her, and even though circumstances meant she had waited a long time, he was ecstatic that it had finally happened for her.

Olivia watched as Elliot moved closer, and she saw his smile. It lit up his face, and the sincerity of his words washed over her. For some reason, his approval meant a lot to her, and she felt the sting of fresh tears behind her eyes.

"He's lucky to have you." Elliot said, watching as she struggled not to cry. Her vulnerability still surprised him, but he knew that motherhood and all that had happened in his absence had affected her deeply.

Olivia shook her head. "No. _I'm_ the lucky one." She said, a tear escaping from her lower lashes. "He saved me." Her voice was no more than a quiet whisper, and she swiped angrily at her eyes. She hadn't cried the entire time since Elliot made a surprising return into her life. At least not in front of him. She wasn't going to start now. She took in a deep breath, wondering how they had waded into such emotional territory so quickly. "I'm sorry I didn't get around to dinner…" Olivia said as she headed towards the kitchen. "But we can order something."

Elliot smiled inwardly as he watched her rally, stuffing all the emotion someplace deep inside of her. He knew he'd hurt her badly…but up to now…she hadn't been able to (or ready to?) share that with him. When he'd finally had the courage to face her again after all those years, he hadn't known what to expect. But instead of raging and rejection…instead of crying and breaking down…there had been a wary acceptance of his return. A cautious…quiet…acquiescence. As if she had known his return was inevitable; an unscheduled event that would happen at some point in her life.

She hadn't wanted explanations…excuses…and she had accepted him back into her life in bits and pieces…keeping him at arm's length. He didn't push. He didn't ask questions. He let her drive things. It was the least he could do. He knew it a time would come when they'd have to talk about it. But for now, they were just cautiously moving forward.

"Really, it's fine." Elliot said.

"I invited you over for dinner…" Olivia said as she sorted through the menus in her hand. "And the only person that got to eat was Noah."

"It gave us more time to play." Elliot said with a shrug. "It was fun." He ran a hand over his belly. "Besides, I could stand to miss a meal or two."

Olivia rolled her eyes. The man was in ridiculous shape. He looked better than when he'd left, and not for the first time, she wondered what he'd been doing the past six years that caused this transformation in his physique and his demeanor. "Well, _I'm_ hungry. So, I'm going to order something. Speak up or you're going to be stuck with what I want."

"I'm happy with whatever you decide." Elliot said as he sat down on the couch.

Olivia wasn't sure if she liked this new, accommodating Elliot. But she appreciated the way he had made things easy for her since his return. He didn't seem to have any expectations…he was happy with whatever she'd give him. And that hadn't been much at first. But things had changed slightly over the past two months. She had relaxed a little when she saw the change in him wasn't fleeting. That he really was willing to wait…to be patient and give her the time and space she needed to decide what they were going to be to each other. If they could repair their friendship.

"Thai food ok?" Olivia asked.

Elliot wrinkled his nose. "Since when do you like Thai food?"

Olivia laughed. "Things change."

Elliot didn't have a response for that. He knew he hadn't uncovered even a small fraction of the things that had changed. Or understood how they had impacted her. He just hoped that at some point, she would feel like she could share them with him. "Yeah." He said with a sigh. "But honestly Liv. Thai food?"

Olivia saw a smirk on his face, and she tossed the Thai menu back into the drawer. "How about Chinese?"

EOEOEOEO

Two weeks had passed, and Olivia had finally broken down and invited Elliot back over to her apartment. Noah had been asking for him practically every day since the first time he'd met Elliot, and it was driving her insane.

Noah tore for the door when Elliot knocked, and Olivia intercepted him before he could reach it, even though he couldn't open it himself. She held him at her hip, with her arm wrapped around his waist, as she opened the door. Noah held out his arms when he saw Elliot, and yelled out an approximation of his name.

Olivia relinquished him to Elliot. It wasn't as if she could have held him anyway. "He's been waiting for you." She moved back so Elliot could walk into the apartment. "It seems you made a good impression last time."

Elliot gave her one of his disarming smirks as he turned Noah upside down, eliciting a shriek of joy from the toddler. "It kind of pisses you off, doesn't it?"

"A little." Olivia admitted with a small laugh. Maybe there had been a part of her that had hoped Noah would be immune to Elliot's charm. That she'd have an excuse to keep him from working his way back into her life. Their lives. She watched as Elliot flipped Noah upright, and she heard his squeals of delight.

"He's a good judge of character." Elliot said as he dropped Noah lightly on to the couch and started tickling him. He looked over at Olivia as she walked towards the kitchen. "Something smells good."

Olivia swung her head to look at him as she turned into the kitchen. "I actually cooked this time." One of the benefits of inviting him over on a Saturday. And of having a reliable second in command.

Dinner was reliably chaotic, as is usual with a three-year-old. Olivia had an apology on the tip of her tongue, when she remembered that Elliot was used to it. She had asked very little about Kathy and the kids. She had avoided it because it was part of _before._ They had pretty much successfully navigated these past six plus months focused on the future…avoiding the past. Now, sitting here with Noah, she felt badly about it. "So…Eli is what? 9 now?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah. They grow up so quickly."

"I always thought…" Eli held a special place in her heart, and she had always expected she'd be a part of his life somehow. "I'd like to see him sometime."

"That can be arranged." Elliot said as he put some more pasta on Noah's plate. He didn't look at Olivia as he said it, not wanting to ruin this small opening she had given him. "The kids ask about you. All the time." He turned to look at her. "They think I'm an idiot."

"So…nothing's changed." Olivia couldn't help it, and she let out a laugh.

"It's good to hear you laugh." Elliot said. He reached over and placed his hand over hers. It was the first time he'd really touched her since he'd walked back into her life, and he was grateful that she didn't pull away. He glanced down at their hands and then back up at her. "I think it's one of the things I missed the most."

EOEOEOEOEO

As the last weeks of winter gave way to spring, they fell into a routine. Elliot had been coming to her apartment every Saturday for the past six weeks, and went from spending a few hours those first weeks to spending most of the day with them. Elliot was happy to see that Olivia seemed more at ease…she didn't seem like she was going to jump out of her skin…nervously anticipating every question or comment. They had reached some kind of unspoken agreement of what subjects were off-limits, and that made their days together relatively conflict free. They still weren't anywhere near to the level of familiarity…compatibility…almost intimacy they'd been at that last year of their partnership. Hell, he hadn't even gotten so much as a simple hug from her. But at least he could see a path that might let them get there…and he knew she could see it too.

"What are you feeding this kid?" Elliot remarked as he carried Noah's dead weight up the stairs to Olivia's apartment. They had spent the day at the Central Park Zoo, and Noah had fallen asleep in the car. Any attempt to rouse him had failed, and Elliot had volunteered to carry him up.

"I know. I can barely carry him anymore when he's asleep." Olivia said as she unlocked the door.

"One more reason to keep me around." Elliot winked at her as she held the door open for him.

"Well, at least there's one." Olivia fired back, smiling as she watched him carry Noah into his room. She had found that she couldn't stop smiling today…or for the past several weeks. She had often wondered over the past six years how she'd react if Elliot ever came back into her life, and in her mind, it had been a toss-up between slapping him in the face and throwing him out, or hugging him and never letting go. She hadn't expected she'd react like this, and she knew he hadn't either. But they were figuring it out, and as she told Dr. Lindstrom in a scheduled visit a couple of weeks ago, she was happy. Life was better with Elliot in it. She didn't dwell on the other things Lindstrom said…about dealing with the past…talking through it. She knew they'd have to, but for now, it could wait.

Elliot emerged from Noah's room as Olivia pulled two beers out of the refrigerator. "I think he's going to sleep through the night." He asked as he took the beer from her hand. "He is _out_." Elliot walked over and fell onto the couch. "That kid has a lot of energy." He chuckled. "I've forgotten."

"It hasn't been that long." Olivia said, sitting on the other end of the couch and stretching her legs out in the space between them. "But yeah. He wears me out sometimes."

"Well, you are getting pretty old." Elliot teased.

Olivia dug her toes into his thighs. "Watch it old man. Remember, you're older than me."

"Yes, but I don't look my age." He quipped. As soon as he said it, he realized it didn't sound like he'd intended, and he looked back at Olivia with what he was sure was a shocked expression on his face. "I didn't mean…I don't mean that you look your age. You're not old…you don't look old."

Olivia wanted to laugh, watching him struggle and fumble with his words. "Relax El. I know what you meant." She smiled at him and saw the relief on his face. "Do you worry that if you say the wrong thing, I'm going to kick you out on your ass?" She would have thought he'd be over that by now. But then again, he had been on his best behavior. He'd kept the jokes, teasing and innuendo to himself for the most part.

"Maybe." Elliot said honestly. They'd been so careful around each other, and he had been cautious about saying or doing anything that might jeopardize things.

"You never worried about giving me a hard time before." Olivia started. "So…"

Elliot cut her off. "The magic word is _before_. Like you said, things change. People change. You're a different person than you were, and so am I."

"Sometimes change is good." Olivia said.

"I didn't say it wasn't. I just don't feel as confident as I did before. At least where you're concerned." He looked away. "But I know that's my fault."

Olivia didn't want to have this conversation right now. "El…"

Elliot turned to look at her.

"Do you feel like you're on some kind of probation?" Olivia said with a small laugh, but she let it fade as she saw the look on his face.

"Maybe." Elliot said with a small shrug.

Olivia moved a little closer and put her hand on his arm. "Well, you shouldn't. We're in a good place right now. At least I feel like we are."

"I think we are too. I guess I'm just…" Elliot sighed, trying to find the right words. "I'm a little scared that one day you're going to wake up and decide this isn't worth the effort. That you did just fine without me in your life and you don't need this." He moved his hand back and forth between them.

Olivia considered his words. She squeezed his arm. "Just because things ended up the way they are today doesn't mean it was easy, or that I didn't miss you." She saw the pain in his face, and she knew him well enough to know that it was emotion he was feeling on her behalf; that causing her pain was one of the worst things he could imagine. It was the reason she still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he had left her in the first place. But that was a conversation for another day.

Olivia inhaled deeply. "When you showed up that day, what did you think was going to happen?"

Elliot thought about her question. He had been tracking her, trying to figure out her routine, for over two months. If he was honest, it probably bordered on stalking. He knew she was now a Lieutenant…he knew about Noah…and he knew it was going to be a challenge to get her alone. He had already decided that their meeting had to be face-to-face. If he called her, he had no doubt she would hang up on him. Plus, he wanted to see her…to hear her voice. Even if it was to tell him to go to hell.

It was his assumption that she would reject him that kept him from reaching out. He must have waited almost two months, knowing his indecision let him believe that she would be happy to see him for just a little longer.

In the end, he had been pacing outside the precinct one night…a night he knew she was working late. He had ended up leaning against her sedan, trying to decide if tonight was the night, when she had walked out and spotted him there. He had watched as she stopped in her tracks, and he remembered wondering if she'd simply turn and go back into the precinct or if she'd send some uniforms out to run him off. But she had surprised him by walking over to where he was standing.

Elliot smirked. "Honestly, I had no idea. A dozen scenarios ran through my mind." Elliot let out a sigh. "I _hoped_ you'd throw yourself in my arms and let me hug you and tell you how much I had missed you." He chuckled. "But I knew that wasn't likely. I figured in reality, you'd slap me and tell me to go to hell. Or worse."

Elliot's words mirrored her earlier thoughts; Olivia knew she shouldn't have been surprised. They had always been of like mind. "In that moment, I felt like doing both." Olivia shook her head. "Mostly, I was just shocked to see you standing there."

"Your indecision saved me. It bought me a few minutes. I just wanted to see you before you told me off."

Olivia shifted slightly; they were diving into emotional territory again, and she needed to keep things light. "So, I guess you were pretty sure at that point that you weren't going to get that hug, huh?" She laughed quietly as she pulled her hand out from beneath his and stood up. She headed towards the kitchen.

"A man can hope, can't he?" Elliot said as he pushed himself off the couch and he saw Olivia glance back at him as he followed her and leaned against the counter. He watched as she opened the refrigerator; looking for what, he didn't know. He felt brave in that moment…when she wasn't looking at him. "You know…I would take that hug now." He watched as Olivia froze, and his stomach plummeted. But then she turned to face him, the merest hint of smile on her face.

"Oh really?" She said…a slight tease in her voice. She was a little surprised he'd suggested it, but she was glad he had. They were still a little cautious around each other, and even though hugging Elliot wasn't something she planned on doing every day, she knew it would be a step forward for them. In the past few months, as he'd spent more time with them, it felt like they needed to do something to reduce the awkwardness that lingered.

Elliot pushed himself off the counter and closed the gap between them. "Really." He didn't wait for permission. He wrapped his hands around her arms and pulled her into his body, and he let out a sigh of relief…of pure happiness…as Olivia slipped her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest. He tightened his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair. He breathed in deeply, unable to believe this was real.

Olivia melted into Elliot's body, and the solid planes of his chest and the strength of his arms as he held her close reminded her of how safe she'd always felt with him. She had taken it for granted…she hadn't imagined a time when he wouldn't be at her side…and she felt a sob threatening to escape at the memory. She clenched her teeth together, and hugged him more tightly. "I missed you."

Elliot was at a loss for words…emotions threatening to spill…words he wanted to say. But he held it in, and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. He never wanted to let go.

EOEOEOEO

"Fin. Can I see you in my office?" Olivia asked as she walked through the squad room. She heard Carisi and Rollins giving him shit, but she ignored them as she made a beeline for her desk and started unpacking the files from her bag. She looked up as Fin walked in, and he closed the door behind him.

"What's up?" Fin asked as he loitered by the door.

Olivia knew he was still adjusting to his role as second in command, and he wasn't excited about being in charge during her upcoming vacation, but right now, he looked really worried about what she was going to say. He had no idea…

Olivia sat down hard in her chair and let out a sigh. Fin had never been a fan of Elliot's, and even though he had been supportive after Elliot's abrupt departure, she couldn't imagine his opinion of Elliot had changed for the better.

"So…" Olivia moved some files on her desk, focusing her attention on them instead of on Fin. She could feel his eyes on her.

"Liv." Fin said impatiently. "Just spit it out."

Olivia sighed as she looked up at him standing there with his arms folded across his chest. She and Fin had worked together too long; he knew she was stalling. She forged ahead, looking back down at her desk. "Someone is coming to have lunch with me today…someone you know. That you knew. And I didn't want you to be surprised…"

"Oh shit. Don't tell me it's Cassidy." Fin dropped his arms as Olivia looked back up at him. "I thought we were done with that asshat. Christ…"

"Fin!" Olivia said loudly, trying to interrupt his rambling. "It's not Cassidy." If he had this reaction to Brian, she couldn't imagine what his reaction to Elliot was going to be.

"Thank God for small favors." Fin said. "Wait. It's not that fuck Porter…"

"It's not Porter." Olivia couldn't waste her morning playing guessing games with Fin. "It's Elliot." She blurted out, pressing her lips together as she looked back to gauge Fin's reaction. He was simply staring at her.

After a few beats, he seemed to recover. "Stabler?"

Olivia nodded.

"Why? What does he want with you?" Fin looked annoyed, which was precisely why Olivia had wanted to tell him ahead of time.

"I've been seeing him." Olivia said and she saw the deep lines on Fin's face. "Not _seeing_ him." She stood up. "We've reconnected." This sounded stupid, even in her own mind.

"Humph." Fin said, non-commitally. "Reconnected. What does that mean?"

"It means that we're talking."

"And?" Fin asked.

"And nothing." Olivia said, narrowing her eyes at him. "I just wanted to let you know so that you weren't surprised when he walked into the squad room."

"That would have been one hell of a surprise." Fin shook his head. "Can't believe the man had the balls to show up after all this time."

"It was hard for him to come back."

"I can't believe you're still defending him." Fin said. "But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I never understood the two of you."

"Well, there's nothing to understand." Olivia said firmly. "We're talking. We've been spending some time together the past several months…"

"This has been going on for months, and you didn't tell me?" Fin asked.

"It doesn't involve you." Olivia said. "And I'm telling you now."

There was a knock on the door, and Olivia had never been more grateful for an interruption. "OK?" She asked pointedly.

Fin didn't say a word. He just gave her a short nod as he opened the door and walked out, brushing by Amanda as he left.

Amanda walked into the office, looking back at Fin and then turning back to Olivia. "Everything ok?"

Olivia slumped down into her chair. "Everything's just wonderful." She sighed.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia slipped into the booth at the diner and Elliot slid in across from her.

"Well, that wasn't as bad as we imagined." Elliot said. They had both been dreading his return for different reasons. He hadn't set foot in the squad room since that fateful day of the shooting, and he wasn't sure how he'd react. But the layout was different. The people were different. It seemed like enough time had passed, even though he did have a momentary flashback to that day.

"That was only because Fin wasn't there." As luck would have it, he'd still been out following up on some witness statements when Elliot had arrived. "But he may be there when you get back." She said, rolling her eyes.

"He wasn't excited to see me?"

Olivia laughed. "Not exactly. But Amanda was." She noticed the way the younger woman had let her eyes roam over his body as Olivia was making introductions. She'd felt an overwhelming urge to pull him away…to stand between them…but she really couldn't blame her. No man his age should look like Elliot, and she knew Amanda and Carisi probably had an interest in the legendary Detective Stabler. There was a lot of mystery and rumors floating around to this day.

"Jealous?" Elliot said with a twinkle in his eye.

"In your dreams." Olivia said as she grabbed a menu. It was nice that they'd gotten to this point. They were definitely on more solid ground now, and it felt good.

"Every night." Elliot shot back, and was happy to see Olivia laugh.

"I don't think I want to know what you dream about." She said, and she could see he was thinking about how to respond. "I mean it." She said with a small laugh. "I don't want to know."

Elliot leaned back in the booth, a wide grin on his face. The last few weeks had been fantastic. Ever since that hug in the kitchen…something had loosened up between them. She still set boundaries, but she greeted him with a hug every time she saw him, and she didn't shy away if he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they watched a movie or watched Noah playing on the floor in front of them. It was romantic…it was friendship. And he would take that for now.

"Nice to see you sitting in the big office." Elliot said with a grin, and he could see his comment made her smile.

"I thought it might be kind of strange for you." Olivia said.

Elliot shrugged. "Maybe a little. But I knew you had it in you. The way you were always bossing me around." That earned him another eye roll and he leaned forward. "Really though…I'm proud of you."

Olivia beamed. His faith in her had never wavered, even when she hadn't had any faith in herself.

Elliot leaned back again. "So…you mentioned on the way over that you wanted to talk to me about something." He chuckled. "I have to tell you, no matter how hard you beg, I'm not coming back."

"You need to get over yourself." Olivia said, distracted by her thoughts. She'd been thinking about it for weeks, but had finally decided to go for it last night. Now she wondered about the wisdom of making decisions when lying in bed late at night…

Elliot laughed at her comment, but he could see she was nervous about something. He had no idea what was on her mind; if he had, he would have tried to make it easier on her. He hoped to God she wasn't about to tell him that this was a mistake. That she didn't have time for him in her life. He had told himself from the very beginning that he'd take whatever she offered. And if she didn't want him back in her life, he'd honor her wishes. But things had been going so well…so if she had changed her mind, it would be devastating. "C'mon Liv." He said gently. "Whatever it is…just say it. I'm a big boy."

Olivia had been looking down at the table, but now her eyes connected with his. "So, you know that I'm taking Noah to Paris in two weeks…" Olivia started.

"Yeah." Elliot said. Olivia had told him about her plans just a little over two months ago. Ten days in Paris…just her and Noah.

"I was wondering…I mean…I thought it might be fun…" This was a hell of a lot more awkward than she thought it would be. "I have a two-bedroom apartment and Noah could sleep with me instead of in the second room…I mean…I don't know if you can get time off…"

Elliot started to laugh as he realized what she was saying. He reached across the table and grasped her hands in his. "Are you asking me to come to Paris with you and Noah?"

Olivia pulled her hands from his, offended by his reaction. "I know. It's a stupid idea."

Elliot saw the hurt expression on her face, and he grabbed her hands again. "No! It's not a stupid idea. I just thought…" He laughed again. "I thought you were going to tell me that this whole thing wasn't working for you. That you didn't have time for me with everything you had going on. So, when you started talking…" He grinned. "It was such a complete 180 from what I thought you were going to say."

Olivia relaxed then. She had mentioned how she wasn't getting anything done because he was there all the time, but she'd never meant for him to feel like he was in the way. But still, she knew it was a big step for them. "I just thought it might be fun to have a friend along. Another adult." She started to falter then. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. "But maybe it's not a good idea…"

Elliot grinned as he squeezed her hands. "I think it's an excellent idea. And I feel honored that of the people you could have asked, you asked me."

"Well, as much as I hate to admit it, you're still my best friend." Olivia said.

Elliot smiled broadly, surprised by the shy expression on her face. He laced his fingers with hers. "I can't imagine anyone I'd rather see Paris with."


	2. Chapter 2

AN: First of all, I want to say thank you for all of the great reviews to this new story! And for the critical ones too! I can't please everyone all the time, and that's OK. Second, I want to apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. I like to update often, but just too many things got in the way this week. I'll try not to let that happen again. I hope you enjoy this second chapter!

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot looked over at Olivia as they sat in the uncomfortable airport seats, waiting for their flight to board. Olivia had Noah in her lap, and he was happy to see that the movie she had loaded on her phone had his full attention. It had been a hell of a two weeks for her…every pervert and sicko had decided it was a free-for-all…and she was running on very few hours of sleep. On top of the long hours at work, she'd had to change her flight arrangements to a different time with available seats, pack for Noah and herself, and make sure everything was ready to hand off to Fin.

Although he'd barely spoken to her over those two weeks, except to share critical information, he had been able to hear the stress in her voice. He had been worried she was going to cancel the whole thing, but he had kept her focused on the dream. He knew she needed the time off, and he didn't want her to give up on the trip she'd wanted for so long.

Olivia ran her hand through her hair, feeling the fatigue deep in her bones. She hoped Noah slept for the entire trip because she didn't think she was going to make it if she didn't get some rest herself. It was going to be tough enough adjusting to a new time zone. Olivia felt her eyes slip closed, and a few seconds later, she felt Noah's weight lift from her lap. Her eyes flew open, and she saw Elliot settling Noah on his legs. Noah's eyes never left the movie.

"You don't have to…"

"Shhh." Elliot said, reaching out and placing his hand on her arm. "Just close your eyes."

"We're going to board soon." Olivia said, shifting in her seat. "I can't fall asleep now." She'd certainly had longer days, especially when she was partners with Elliot. But she was younger then, and didn't have the additional responsibility of motherhood. She wondered how Elliot had managed. She was sure Kathy and the kids demanded their share of attention when he had managed to make it home. _Kathy._ "So, did it bother Kathy that you were coming to Paris with me?"

Elliot raised one eyebrow as he looked back over at her. "Why would it bother her?"

Olivia cocked her head slightly and parted her lips as if to speak, but no words came out. She shrugged her shoulders slightly. Olivia had always carried around a bit of guilt about her relationship with Elliot and the amount of time they spent together, and had always felt as if Kathy resented her a bit. Of course, neither Kathy or Elliot had ever said anything directly, but she imagined they'd had a few private conversations…maybe even a few arguments…over the matter.

Elliot knew exactly what Olivia was thinking, and he wished he could reassure her that she had nothing to do with the breakup of his marriage. But if he was honest with himself, as his relationship with Olivia had grown and changed, his feelings for his wife and his commitment to his marriage had suffered. But the fact was that he and Kathy had moved on, and the why's and such were part of a conversation for another day. "Liv. Kathy and I have been divorced for over two years. Separated for three. She has a new boyfriend, and has for almost a year."

That got Olivia's attention. "Does she think we're dating?" she said, and she could hear the alarm in her own voice.

"No." He said immediately. "Well, I guess I don't know what she thinks. She didn't ask." He lifted one eyebrow and stared back at her. "But so, what if we were?" He let that question hang there for a minute so he could gauge her reaction. He had told himself that he would focus on rebuilding their friendship before he even hoped for more, and he thought they'd made great progress. But she had opened the door with her question.

Elliot watched as Olivia shook her head slightly, and he could tell she was struggling with how to answer. He took mercy on her. "My point is…she doesn't have a say in what I do or don't do. We're divorced. The only thing we had to talk about is Eli." He saw her relax slightly. "And for what it's worth, Kathy, and the kids, are all happy that we've reconnected."

Olivia gave him a small smile, thankful that he let her off the hook. She figured that everyone that knew about Elliot being back in her life, assumed they had fallen into bed together. But they had no idea how complicated their relationship was. "What did Fin say to you?" She asked, remembering Elliot and Fin's private discussion in the squad room.

Elliot chuckled, remembering Fin's cool reception when they'd gone back to the precinct after their lunch together. He'd shaken Elliot's hand and told him it was good to see him again, but it was clear he had wanted a moment. Olivia had noticed it too, and had gone back into her office. "He told me things hadn't been the same since I left, and that things had been rough at first for you. He told me you'd been through a lot, and that he didn't want to see you hurt again…" He paused, trying to be as honest as he could. "Fin's always been protective of you." He said. "He said that as long as you were happy, he and I weren't going to have any problems…"

"He threatened you?" Olivia asked, almost wanting to laugh. She could imagine the discussion between the two of them.

Elliot shook his head. "Nah. We have an understanding."

Olivia let her head drop back a little. "And then Rollins and Carisi…who knows what they're thinking." She lifted her head and looked back at him. "They've only heard about you through gossip and rumors."

"I'm a legend." Elliot said with another chuckle.

"Well, I wouldn't say that. I don't know what they've heard with John and Fin around, and then Cassidy…" As soon as she said Brian's name, she stopped and bit into her bottom lip. She hadn't meant to bring him up.

Elliot noticed her discomfort. "Don't worry. I know about you and Cassidy." He wasn't sure if he should tell her that; it was admitting he'd kept tabs on her over the years.

His comment stunned her. Olivia wanted to be angry. The past six years had been a black hole for her. She'd had no idea where he was or what he was doing, and now he appeared to be intimating that he knew what she'd been doing. But she didn't have the energy to be upset, and she knew that if they kept going forward, it was all going to come out anyway. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

Elliot shifted Noah on his lap, and looked back at Olivia. Her hand was laying on top of the small bags piled on the seat between them. He reached for her hand and wrapped his around it, and he saw Olivia open her eyes. "Listen. We've done a good job of focusing on the future and not dwelling on the past. Maybe we're avoiding some things we need to talk about, but they can wait a little longer. We're in a good place, and just because we're going on vacation together doesn't change anything. Let's keep it going. I don't want to have to worry about everything I say, and I don't want you to either. I just want to have fun. I want you to relax and recharge. Deal?"

Olivia nodded and smiled. "Deal."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up as Noah shifted on his lap. He looked down, and saw the little boy was still sleeping with his head tucked against the small airplane pillow on his lap. His legs were stretched out across his middle seat, and were digging into Olivia's legs in the window seat. Olivia didn't seem to notice. Her head was tilted towards him, and she was sleeping too. He looked at his watch, and saw it was 7AM Paris time. He knew the crew would be waking them soon for breakfast, but he took these few minutes to watch Olivia. Thankfully, with the late flight time, Noah had fallen asleep less than an hour after takeoff, and Olivia had been right behind him. She had shifted in discomfort off and on, but he thought she'd probably gotten a decent amount of sleep. He would have to make sure she got some more rest in Paris, and he wondered how she had thought she'd get any rest and relaxation while managing with a toddler in a strange city by herself.

Elliot reached across the seat and brushed her hair across her forehead. Olivia stirred slightly, and he whispered her name. He watched as she opened her eyes slowly, and it took a second for her to realize where she was. Her eyes shot down to Noah, and once she saw he was still asleep, she looked back up at Elliot.

"Let me take him." She whispered. "I bet you didn't get any sleep." She felt a wave of guilt. Elliot had offered to take him, and she had only meant to sleep for an hour or so.

"It's fine." Elliot said. "I slept. Do you feel a little better?"

Olivia nodded. "Thank you."

The next couple of hours went by quickly as the cabin came to life and the crew served breakfast. Before she knew it, they were moving through customs, collecting their bags, and looking for their driver.

"You rented a car service?" Elliot asked. "That's got to be expensive to drive us all the way into the city."

"I was going to strange city with a toddler by myself." Olivia said as Noah tried to pull his hand from hers. "It's worth it. And I've been saving money for the last 20 years, plus I still have my inheritance from my mom." She said, as she got Noah to walk next to her.

Elliot laughed. "OK, good to know. Dinner's on you." He spotted the driver as he pushed the cart full of luggage, Noah's stroller and car seat. The driver led them to a nice black sedan, and Elliot got Noah's car seat setup. He buckled Noah in, and stood up, moving to the side to let Olivia climb in.

"Thanks." Olivia said as she moved in front of Elliot. She stopped before she got into the car. She placed her hands on his arms, and looked up at him. She leaned in and pushed herself up on her toes slightly, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I'm really glad you're here with me. With us." She slid her hands down to his, and squeezed them. "Thank you."

Elliot squeezed her hands back, surprised by the kiss. "Let the vacation begin."

EOEOEOEO

"Wow!" Elliot said as he carried Noah into the apartment. "This is amazing." They were about three blocks off the Champs-Élysées and about six blocks from the Arc de Triomphe. When he walked in the door, he saw a small kitchen to his left, with a counter and some stools separating it from the larger living area. There was one larger room, and he saw two sets of French doors on either side of the far wall. To the right were three doors, and he assumed they were the bedrooms and the bath. The room wasn't large, but it was more than enough, and it was furnished and decorated beautifully.

Olivia turned and smiled. "I know. When I saw the photos, I fell in love. And you haven't seen the best part." She walked over to one of the sets of French doors and opened them, stepping out on to a small balcony. Elliot scooped up Noah and followed her outside. The balcony was long but relatively narrow, and a small table and chairs sat between the two sets of doors. However, Elliot was immediately distracted by the view. They were on the sixth floor, and from where they were, he could catch a glimpse of the Seine, and the Eiffel Tour.

Olivia clapped her hands together. " _This_ is why I picked this apartment. They had a photo from the balcony, showing the Eiffel Tower when it's lit at night, and I knew this was exactly where I wanted to be." She looked over at Elliot. "Can you imagine sitting here in the evening, drinking a bottle of wine, and looking at this view?"

Her excitement and smile were contagious, and Elliot laughed when Noah clapped his hands. "It's perfect Liv. Now let's get cleaned up and explore." He turned to head back into the apartment. "And pick up some wine."

"Wine." Noah repeated.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she followed them inside. "How about lunch first?"

EOEOEOEO

Elliot unpacked in the small second bedroom. He was excited to get out and start exploring the city a little. They had agreed to keep it light today, since they were undoubtedly going to be dealing with jetlag. Just get some lunch, explore the neighborhood, and get some groceries. See if they could stay up until 8. The six-hour time difference would be tough to adjust to if they didn't bite the bullet today. But he was happy to see that Olivia had recovered quite a bit, even with the fitful sleep on the plane. She was clearly slipping into vacation mode.

He slipped on a clean pair of jeans and a white shirt, rolling up the sleeves to his elbows. He looked in the mirror, swiping his hands over his scruff. He wondered if he should shave, but decided it was vacation…so he was going to let it slide.

Noah ran into his room, repeating a close approximation of _El_. Even though he'd been around Noah for over two months, he still hadn't mastered it, and it still sounded like _Ew_.

"Ready to go?"

Elliot turned his attention away from Noah, and saw Olivia standing in the doorway. The sight of her took his breath away. She was wearing a white sundress, with some kind of small black design on it. The material looked stark against her dark skin, and the top of the dress came to a v, showing a little bit of cleavage. It was tight at her waist, but flared softly over her hips, and the hem landed at her knees. Her long legs were bare, and she was wearing a pair of flat, black sandals. As his eyes trailed back up her body, he saw she had some reddish gloss on her lips and had fluffed her hair, leaving it slightly wavy. She had one arm bent in front of her, and a pair of sunglasses dangled from her hand. She looked relaxed and carefree…glamorous. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

"I asked if you were ready." Olivia repeated. She suppressed a smile; enjoying Elliot's reaction.

"Um…yeah." He said. He scooped up Noah, earning a squeal, and walked over to where she was standing. "You look like a woman on vacation." He said as he stopped in front of her. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You look amazing."

Olivia felt her cheeks flush slightly at the compliment, and her hand went to her cheek as he passed by her with Noah in his arms. She felt some newfound excitement about the ten days ahead of them. There was something about being away…from the city, their jobs, their friends, his family…that made them seem untouchable. That made anything seem possible.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia strolled down the neighborhood street, pushing the stroller, as Elliot chased after Noah. She laughed as he scooped him up and put him on his shoulders. She tried not to notice the way the fabric of his shirt stretched across his back, or the bulge in his biceps as he lifted her son. Or the warm feeling that came over her as she watched him and Noah together.

They had only been out for about four hours. They'd had lunch and found a wonderful patisserie, getting some pastries for the morning. Elliot had steered them into a small toy shop, and had purchased a small boat for Noah. Next was a cheese shop, and some fruit from a small stand on the street. Right now, Olivia had these things in a large bag hanging from the handles of the stroller, along with two baguettes. It had been a wonderful afternoon, and New York seemed so far away.

Elliot turned to face her, walking backwards as they kept strolling down the street. "Getting tired?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "No."

Elliot held out his hand. "Let's go find that wine."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia tiptoed out of the room, closing the door behind her. It had been a struggled to get him to take a bath, and she pulled at her damp t-shirt. She should have changed, but it had been a struggle to get Noah to bed. She didn't want to risk waking him.

She walked out on to the balcony, surprised at how dark it was getting already. "Oh!" She said as she saw the lights of the Eiffel Tower.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Elliot said as he watched her. She had changed before giving Noah a bath, and she was wearing black leggings and a simple white t-shirt. She still looked beautiful…but he knew he would never see her any other way.

Olivia wrapped her hands around the railing as she stared at the lights. Suddenly, the lights started to dance and pulse, and she remembered reading about the brief light show on the top of the hour. Elliot got up and stood next to her, and the heat from his body warmed her. "I knew this would be beautiful, but I had no idea…." Her voice trailed off.

They watched the lights in silence for the next few minutes, until the short show ended. Elliot reached back and got their glasses of wine, and he handed one to her. "I had a great day with you and Noah."

Olivia turned and looked at him. "It was a great day." She said with a smile. She took a sip of wine. "There's something so…" She took in a deep breath. "I just feel…free."

"Like anything is possible?" Elliot said.

A slow smile spread across Olivia's face. She wasn't surprised that Elliot used the same words that had run through her mind earlier in the day, or that he'd understood how she felt so completely. "Yeah…exactly." She held up her glass, and Elliot clinked his glass against hers.

"To possibilities."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm having issues finding time to write, so I opted to update sooner with a shorter chapter! Thanks for reading!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, drinking a cup of espresso, when he heard Noah talking in the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, but he couldn't make out what he was saying. It went on for about a minute and then he heard the word _Mama_ in a slightly louder tone. He heard Olivia answer, but her words were muffled.

Elliot set his coffee cup on the counter, and walked quietly over to the bedroom door. He was about to poke his head inside when he hesitated, wondering if he was crossing some kind of line by peeking into her bedroom. Noah was still talking, so he pushed the door open slightly. Elliot saw the little boy sitting on the bed, between Olivia and the wall, but Olivia was sprawled face down with one hand on the bed between them. Elliot hesitated for a second, feeling like a bit of a creep as his took in her bare legs and her pale blue nightgown. His eyes flicked over to Noah, and he saw he was holding a book. At that moment, Noah looked up and saw him, and Elliot put a finger to his lips before Noah could say anything. Elliot walked quickly to the end of the bed, and motioned for Noah to come to him.

Noah started to crawl towards him, but Olivia snaked out an arm. "OK bud. Mommy's getting up."

"Go back to sleep." Elliot whispered as he reached across and scooped Noah up beneath his arms.

Olivia rolled over quickly and looked towards the foot of the bed, surprised to see Elliot in her room. She grabbed at the sheet, pulling it across her body. "I can get up."

Elliot shook his head. "I'm already up. It's early. Just go back to sleep." He turned and walked out of the room with Noah, never giving her a chance to reply. As he turned to close the door, he saw Olivia had no intention of fighting him. She had already rolled over and settled in against the pillows.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke with a start, covering her eyes quickly at the bright sunlight that was streaming into her room. She snagged her watch off the nightstand, and was surprised to see it was 10AM. She didn't know how she could have possibly slept that late. She sat up and brushed her hands through her hair, feeling sinful for sleeping so late, and guilty for letting Elliot take care of Noah. She slipped off her nightgown, and pulled on the leggings and t-shirt she had discarded the night before. She dug in her bag and found a sweater to pull over the t-shirt, and opened her door.

It only took a minute for Olivia to realize that the apartment was empty. She found a note written in Elliot's somewhat illegible scrawl on the counter. "Went to play. B back soon." She smiled, imagining how difficult it would have been to keep Noah quiet in the small space.

She pulled the orange juice from the small refrigerator and poured a glass. She dug in the bag for a pastry and strolled out on to the balcony. The street below was relatively quiet, but there were a few people moving up and down the street. There was a light breeze, and she lifted her face to the sun climbing in the morning sky. It felt good on her skin, and she let out a small sigh. It was amazing what a little sleep and a change in scenery could do.

Olivia heard a commotion, and then a key in the door.

"Mama!"

Olivia heard Noah's footsteps as he ran into the room and then Elliot's heavier footsteps behind him. She peeked around the edge of the door from her seat on the balcony. "Out here!" She stood up and intercepted him at the door, crouching down as he flung his arms out to give her a hug. "I missed you." She said as he loosened his arms from her neck. "Tell me what you've been doing." She fell back on her butt and pulled Noah onto her lap as he started rambling about swings and ducks and flying in the air.

Olivia looked up at Elliot as Noah kept talking. She saw him unpacking some things from a small bag on to the counter, but he looked over at her and smiled when he saw she was looking at him.

Olivia was sitting with the Noah on her lap, and he could tell the extra sleep had been exactly what she needed. The sun was at her back, but her smile was the thing that dazzled him. It lit up her entire face, and he realized it had been a long time since he'd seen her smile like that. It made him think about how the years had piled up on her…how her job and everything that happened had taken a piece of her. He knew he was a part of that, and he wondered just how different it would be if he had been there. If he had stayed. He would never know, but he was here now. And he vowed to do everything in his power to make her smile like that again and again.

Olivia ran her hands through Noah's hair as she asked him questions about the morning, and then she noticed he was still wearing his pajamas. She looked at Elliot as he crossed over to where they were sitting. "You took him out in his pajamas?" She asked with a laugh.

Elliot shrugged as he sat down on the floor in front of them. "I didn't want to wake you up." He handed Noah a few small crackers. "And I knew we needed to get out of the apartment. They just look like pants and a t-shirt."

Olivia cocked her head and smiled. "I guess." She absent-mindedly caught a cracker Noah had dropped. "I really appreciate you getting up with him this morning." She said. "I just couldn't seem to wake up."

"I told you. I was already up."

"Still…he's my responsibility."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Will you stop? It wasn't a big deal."

Noah had stopped talking, but at that moment, he launched himself out of Olivia's lap and into Elliot's. Elliot fell backwards, pretending Noah had knocked him over. He lifted the little boy up with his hands, extending his arms, and Noah was squealing as he waved him back and forth in the air. He rolled over and pretended to wrestle with the little boy, and Olivia sat watching them with a small smile on her face. She knew how hard it was to grow up without a dad, and she wanted to have male figures in Noah's life.

Nick had been there at first, and she had really appreciated his involvement, but since he had moved away, there had really been no one. At least no one with any regularity. Or that enjoyed playing the rough and tumble games Noah liked. She let out a small laugh, thinking of the few times Barba had been to her apartment. Kids definitely weren't his thing.

Elliot rolled over on his back so Noah could "win", and laughed as the little boy tickled him in return. After a minute or so of pretend wrestling, Elliot rolled back over, pulling up Noah's shirt and giving him a big zerbert on his stomach. Noah was laughing so hard that Olivia was afraid he was going to have an accident, and she hopped up to his rescue.

Noah saw Olivia and he yelled out. "Mama! Save me!" He said it again between laughs as Elliot rolled him back and forth on the floor, still pretending to wrestle with him.

Elliot pushed himself up on his knees and let out a maniacal laugh. "She can't save you!" He said, his voice booming. He reached out, and snagged Olivia by the waist, wrestling her down to the ground next to Noah. He saw the surprised look on Olivia's face, and then Noah rolled over and started tickling her.

"I help." He said as he dug his small fingers into Olivia's neck, quickly switching his allegiance to Elliot.

Olivia grabbed his small hands, letting out some fake screams as he tussled with her. She loved his laughter…and her small screams turned into laughs.

"I'm going to get you!" She said in a teasing voice as she tugged lightly at his arms.

"I got you bud." Elliot said, diving back into to help his partner. He grabbed Olivia's wrists and pinned them by her head, and he slid his thigh over hers, holding her in place. He saw the look of surprise on Olivia's face as he straddled her. He gave her a big grin. "All's fair in love and war." He turned to look at Noah. "Get her!"

Noah slid his hands down to Olivia's waist and started tugging at her sweater, and Elliot didn't understand what he was doing at first. He arched his back slightly to give him access. He thought Noah was going to tickle her waist, but the next thing he knew, Noah had pulled up her Olivia's sweater and t-shirt, and he tried to blow on her stomach. Elliot grinned as he realized that Noah was trying to do to Olivia what he had done to him. Noah couldn't quite give her the zerbert he was trying for, so he tried again.

Olivia was trying not to laugh as she sputtered out his name, and she pushed her arms against Elliot's hold. She tried lifting her hips, but Elliot had her pinned. She let out a grunt in frustration, but Noah was tugging at her shirt and trying to again. Olivia stopped struggling when Noah crawled out from under Elliot and stood up.

"You do it." Noah said, pointing at Elliot.

Olivia heard Noah's words, followed by Elliot's laugh. Her eyes diverted from Noah back to Elliot, and she saw the grin on his face.

"Don't you dare." She warned, shaking her head and narrowing her eyes.

Noah was jumping up and down and clapping. "Zrrt her. Zrrt her!"

Olivia pushed against his arms and tried in vain to lift her hips again, but Elliot had her pinned. Her eyes never left his, and she could tell Elliot was debating what to do while Noah continued to encourage him. "Elliot." She said, in her best, stern tone, narrowing her eyes at him again.

Elliot knew he was going straight to hell, and that Olivia was going to send him there, but he couldn't resist. He scooted his body down her thighs slightly, and it forced him to loosen his grip on her arms. He felt her hands on his head, but it was too late. His mouth was on her skin, and he blew against it, making a loud sound. He lifted his mouth from her skin as he heard Noah's giggles, and then cries to do it again. Olivia's hands were pushing at him, but she couldn't get any leverage to push him off her. Elliot looked over at Noah, listening to his laugh and his pleas, and he leaned in and did it again.

Noah piled on top of Olivia, trying to tickle her neck again, and Olivia lost contact with Elliot's head. She couldn't believe Elliot had actually gone through with it. If she hadn't been so shocked, she would have probably been laughing. She reached for Noah, and got her hands under his arms. She dragged him across her body and rolled, thankful that Elliot rolled with her, and fell on his back. Noah was laying on the floor between them. They were all breathing heavily from the exertion and laughter, and when Noah started chanting _Zrt zrt_ again, Olivia rolled towards him and pushed herself up on one elbow.

"Playtime is over." She said, tugging her sweater back down. "We need to get ready for our day."

Elliot frowned. "But we were having so much fun."

"Fun." Noah repeated.

Olivia pushed herself off the floor and leaned over to scoop up Noah. "Two against one. That's a _lot_ of fun." She said with a laugh. She looked at Noah. "We have to get ready for our adventure today. While we're getting ready, let me tell you about something called payback." Her tone was light, but she turned and narrowed her eyes at Elliot. "If I were you, I'd sleep with my eyes open." She whispered in a menacing tone, stifling a laugh. She turned and headed for the bedroom with Noah in her arms.

"Liv?" Elliot said, as he rolled over to look up at her. He saw her stop and turn slightly as she set Noah down and pushed him lightly in the direction of their room. He grinned up at her. "If you're going to come into my room in the middle of the night, I'll definitely keep my eyes open."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Just a reminder where we left off with the last chapter:

" _Liv?" Elliot said, as he rolled over to look up at her. He saw her stop and turn slightly as she set Noah down and pushed him lightly in the direction of their room. He grinned up at her. "If you're going to come into my room in the middle of the night, I'll definitely keep my eyes open."_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia showered and got dressed, pulling out a navy-blue sundress and some tan sandals. As she did her hair and put on a little make-up, she couldn't get Elliot's last words out of her mind, or the shiver that had run through her body when he'd said it. She hadn't answered…hadn't even reacted in any way he would have been able to detect. She had just turned and followed Noah and closed the door behind her.

She wondered about the change in him…in how they were around each other. In the past several months, they had definitely gotten more comfortable physically with each other, but the more intimate physical contact and innuendo was a big step from that. She thought about their discussion from the night before. About how she feet freer here…about her toast to possibilities.

She knew she shouldn't be surprised. When Elliot came back into her life, she had no idea where things would go. She had no idea what she would allow…could allow. She wasn't the same person anymore, and neither was he. And while she would have liked to think they could get back to where they were when he left, or even go beyond that and give in to all that was unspoken between them, she wasn't even sure it was possible. But something about Paris…

Olivia let out a sigh.

 _To possibilities…_

She had to let her fear and inhibitions go…she had to push them to the side and let herself breathe. To open herself up to whatever could be.

Olivia looked at the pale pink scars low on her breasts. A reminder that she would always carry with her, but one that had less and less power over her as time went on. There were still certain things that were triggers for her, and she still had nightmares sometimes, but she was better able to deal with them now. It was a process, and she was smart enough to know that it wasn't something you would forget…or "put behind you". One day, she would tell Elliot about William Lewis and what happened in the beach house.

But not today.

She pulled on her bra and her dress, and fixed her hair. She heard Noah and Elliot playing outside her room, and she had only seconds before they would be asking when she would be ready to go. She sat on the edge of the bed and fastened her sandals, and as soon as she sat upright again, Noah was slipping through the door.

"Mama. Let's go!" He said, his tone somewhere between excitement and annoyance.

"I'm ready." Olivia said with a laugh, and they headed out with an oversized bag and the foldup stroller, ready for the rest of the day.

EOEOEOEO

It was another glorious day, and Elliot looked over at Olivia as he pushed the stroller down the Champs-Élysée. Noah was walking between them, holding each of their hands, and Elliot squeezed Noah's hand to make sure he wasn't dreaming. It certainly felt like a dream; like another life.

He couldn't take his eyes off Olivia…the way the light wind tousled her hair and the way the bottom of her dress danced around her knees as she walked…she seemed so light and carefree. He was continually surprised at the change in her since they arrived, and he couldn't imagine where they would be a few days from now.

"'Loon!" Noah said, tugging at Olivia's hand. She looked up and saw a balloon vendor at the entrance to the Tuileries Gardens, and she laughed. With everything there was to look at, it was the balloons that caught his attention.

Olivia bought Noah a balloon, and they wandered through the Gardens. They were more expansive then either of them had realized, but they had fun wandering through, playing hide and seek with Noah, and snapping photos. When they reached the pond, Elliot rented a small boat for Noah, and helped him navigate it on the pond. Olivia sat in one of the chairs that ringed the small pond, and watched the two of them together. She couldn't stop smiling as she watched them. The sun was high in the sky, the pond was full of colorful boats, and the air was filled with the sounds of kids laughing. Olivia committed this tableau to memory…it was one of those moments she would look back on fondly…that would always put a smile on her face.

She pushed herself out of the chair and joined them at the pond. Noah lost interest when another 20 minutes had passed, and they decided to find a small café before they tackled the Louvre. They walked along, and watched as locals peddled books, art and keepsakes out of the green bouquinistes perched on the stone walls along the Seine.

Olivia bought a book that caught his attention, and as they settled in a nearby café, he kept himself busy by looking at the colorful pictures. They ordered some wine and lunch, and then discussed their game plan for their visit to the Louvre. They knew that Noah wouldn't have patience for a long museum tour, so Olivia pulled out a guide to Paris, and found a section that highlighted the things that were a must see. They agreed to see those things first, and explore more if Noah happened to fall asleep.

Conversation lapsed as they sipped their wine and watched the people passing by. Elliot looked over at Noah and smiled. He was a great kid; Olivia had done a great job with him. He looked over at her. "You ever think about having any more?"

Olivia held her wine glass in her hand, poised to take a sip, when Elliot posed his question. She let out a small laugh. "That ship has sailed El."

"I meant adoption." Elliot said.

"Noah is all I can handle right now." Olivia said, shaking her head as she set down her wine glass. She reached out and placed her hand on his small arm. "I already feel like I don't spend enough time with him." She smiled as Noah looked up at her. "I'm happy about the way things turned out. We came into each other's lives at just the right time." She pulled her hand back. "I would have liked to be pregnant…to have a baby of my own. And looking back, I might have done things differently." She smiled back at Noah. "But maybe then, this little guy wouldn't have come into my life."

Elliot pressed his lips together, remembering the conversations they'd had about her wanting a baby. "I know what you mean." He said with a sigh. "There are a lot of things I would have done differently."

Olivia stared back at him, wondering if he was thinking about the same things she was thinking about. She'd spent so many lonely nights thinking about what if's…before and after he left. It was enough to drive a person insane. She reached out and placed a hand over Elliot's. "We can't change the past."

"Is that why we never talk about it?" Elliot asked.

Olivia smiled. "Talking about it isn't going to change anything." She pulled her hand back. They were moving into some serious discussion, and now was not the time or place. "I prefer to think that we're just focused on the future."

Elliot nodded. It had been working for them so far, and he wasn't trying to ruin their vacation by dredging up the past.

Noah tugged on Olivia's arm. "Mama. Let's go."

Olivia and Elliot both smiled. Leave it to Noah to ease the tension. They finished up their drinks, and left for the Louvre.

EOEOEOEOEO

It was after 6…almost 7…by the time they made it back to the apartment. Noah had napped in the stroller through most of the Louvre, so Elliot and Olivia had seen all the things they didn't want to miss. But as he continued to snooze, they spent more time going back through the sections they'd passed through on their way to the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. The Louvre was larger than they ever could have imagined, and they were both exhausted from the day. They had agreed to make a small dinner at home, so they had stopped on the way home to pick up some food.

They were almost back to the apartment, but Noah had spotted some kids playing in a small park. Elliot had told Olivia to stay and play, and he would get dinner started. She watched as he played with the other kids, and smiled as they included him in their game. Apparently, language wasn't an issue.

Olivia had a hard time pulling Noah away from the other kids, but it had been almost an hour since Elliot had left them, and she knew dinner had to be close. They walked the last few blocks to the apartment, and Noah burst into the apartment, anxious to tell Elliot about his new friends.

Dinner was ready, and Noah chattered through the entire meal. He replayed everything that had happened that day, almost as if Elliot and Olivia hadn't been there with him. Elliot was laughing.

"When did he get to be so talkative?" He asked.

Olivia shrugged. "He normally isn't."

"I guess he likes being on vacation too."

They finished up dinner, and Elliot offered to give Noah a bath and put him to bed if Olivia cleaned up the kitchen. Olivia knew she was getting the raw end of the deal, but since Elliot had done all the prep and cooking, she knew it was the least she could do.

While Elliot took Noah into the bathroom, Olivia changed into some black leggings and a soft, lightweight sweater. The evenings were cooling off, and there was a chill in the air.

She could hear Elliot laughing as Noah splashed in the tub, and she allowed herself to daydream a little about a life with Elliot…with them as a family. She had closed her mind to that possibility a long time ago, and had refused to give the idea any new life in the past few months. But now, she could almost see it.

She was startled from her thoughts when Elliot and Noah came out of the bathroom.

"Tell Mommy good night." Elliot said. He watched as Noah ran across the room and threw himself into Olivia's arms. She scooped him up and smothered his face with kisses before she released him.

"Night Noah." Olivia said. She mouthed a _thank you_ to Elliot when she saw him standing near the bedroom door. She pointed towards the balcony, letting him know where to find her when Noah was in bed.

Olivia took two wine glasses and a bottle of wine out on to the balcony, and Elliot joined her ten minutes later.

"He is _out_." Elliot said as he wandered out on to the balcony. "Hopefully he won't keep you awake tonight." He poured himself a half glass of wine, and joined Olivia as she leaned against the railing.

"I'm tired too. Sleeping won't be a problem." Olivia said as she took a sip of wine.

They both stood, staring out at the city as dusk creeped in. The streets below were relatively quiet, and Olivia was happy with the choice she'd made in apartments.

"You know, I wasn't sure about inviting you to come along…" Olivia started. "But now I can't imagine being here without you." She was speaking the truth. She knew she and Noah would have been fine, but it would have been completely different.

"You know I was surprised." Elliot leaned over, resting his elbows on the railing, with his wine glass dangling from the fingers of his right hand. "Why did you?"

"I told you." Olivia said. "I thought it would be nice to have another adult along. A friend."

"Hmmm." Elliot said.

Olivia turned to face him, resting her left arm on the railing. "You don't believe me?"

"I didn't say that." Elliot said evenly, glancing over at her before he looked back out towards the city.

"OK." Olivia stared at the side of his head for a moment, considering whether or not she wanted to voice the question in her head. She bit down on her bottom lip. "Why do _you_ think I asked you to come with us?"

Elliot turned and mimicked her stance, leaning on his right forearm. He was staring directly at her. He wondered if she was ready to hear what was on his mind.

 _Maybe they hadn't had enough wine for that._

Olivia sensed Elliot's hesitancy, and the intensity in his eyes, and suddenly, she didn't want to hear what he thought. "Forget it." She said, turning back to face the city.

"Liv." Elliot said, a little disappointed that she had shut him down.

"Tell me about the kids. Tell me what they're doing." Olivia said, changing the course of the conversation.

Elliot wanted to tell her what he was feeling…what he hoped for. It was on the tip of his tongue. "Olivia…"

Olivia turned to face him again, and she reached out and put her hand on his arm. "El..." she said, and her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Tell me about the kids."


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: OK, this may have gotten a little sappy. But that's the mood I'm in today._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia and Noah were sitting on the floor with their legs tucked under the coffee table, focused on coloring, when Olivia heard some movement from Elliot's room. She and Noah had been up for over an hour, and she was thankful Elliot was awake, because it had become increasingly difficult to keep Noah's voice down. The little boy was always full of exuberance, and she hated having to tamp that down.

The bedroom door opened, and Olivia looked up to see Elliot wander out. It was clear he had only been awake for a few minutes, and he scrubbed his hands over his face as he looked over at them. She gave him a small smile, trying not to focus on the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt, the way his running pants hung low on his hips, or the way the muscles in his arms and chest moved as he ran a hand over his head. She could feel herself staring, but thankfully, Elliot wasn't awake enough to notice.

"Look what I made!" Noah snagged a picture of a car he had colored and ran over to Elliot.

Elliot scooped him up and oohed and awed over the photo, which made Noah happy. He set the little boy back down, and Noah came back to color some more, spurred on by Elliot's praise.

"Coffee?" Elliot asked.

Olivia nodded towards the kitchen. "In the carafe." She couldn't take her eyes off him as he walked into the kitchen. He turned his back to her as he reached for a mug and poured a cup of coffee, and Olivia swore under her breath. She'd seen Elliot without a shirt before, and she had seen the way his body had changed over the years of their partnership. He had started working out more as the years went on, but this…no man his age should look like this. She had a sudden image of his body moving over hers…the muscles in his arms rippling as he held himself…

"Liv?"

Olivia's head jerked, and she looked up at his eyes and saw a question there. "What?"

"I asked if you wanted some more coffee."

Olivia could see the small smile on his face, and she wondered if he knew what she was thinking. He'd definitely caught her staring. _Smug bastard_. "No. I've had enough this morning."

Elliot walked over to where she and Noah were sitting, and sat down on the floor across from them. He watched as Olivia bit down on her lower lip, and he wondered what she was thinking about. The natural chemistry had always been real between them, and it worked well for them on the job. A perfect team. He had no doubt that if they ever allowed things to go farther between them, it would be amazing. Something better than amazing. A thought that had kept him up a fair number of nights.

Elliot tried to push those thoughts from his mind. He knew they were involved in an intricate dance here. The way she had shut him down last night confirmed it. She was still unsure…still scared. He had no idea if it was only because of him, or everything that had happened in the years since his absence. Which was the reason he needed to move at her pace. He would push a little, but not too far, too fast.

He broke into a smile, and he saw her relax. "So…what's on tap for today?"

When Olivia had planned the trip, she had wanted to make sure she set a pace that would be good for Noah. She didn't want to wear him out with trips to museums every day; she needed to make sure he was having fun.

"Well, I thought we'd try out the Metro system and hang out near the Eiffel Tower today. Across the river from the Eiffel is the Palais de Chaillot. There is a carousel there, and an aquarium there in the Trocadero Gardens. Then we can get a good view of the Eiffel Tower. Then, behind the Eiffel Tower is the Champs de Mars. It's a large park. We can have a picnic. Play. Take a nap. Whatever we want."

"That sounds great."

"I really just want to take it slow today. We can wander, find a spot to pick up stuff for a picnic. We can do all those things or some of them."

"Just go with the flow."

"Exactly." Olivia said.

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Elliot said. "But first…some breakfast."

EOEOEOEOEO

They made it to the Roosevelt train station, and took the train to the Trocadero stop. Olivia was thankful that Elliot was with her to help with Noah as they struggled with the stroller and her large bag. She was used to a subway, but it was much easier when you knew exactly where you were headed.

They emerged into the bright sunshine and made their way to the Palais de Chaillot. They had spent a fair amount of time at the apartment in the morning, so the sun was high in the sky as they walked. The weather was beautiful, and Olivia shed her cardigan as they walked. She had opted for black trousers and a white and a sleeveless button up blouse today, and the sun felt good on her bare arms.

As they climbed the stairs and went through to the Gardens, Elliot and Olivia stopped. The view laid out in front of them was breathtaking. The Trocadero Gardens were spread out in front of them. The grass was a vivid green and flowers were starting to bloom, creating bursts of color amidst the stone and grass. The sun sparkled off the Seine, and across the river, the Eiffel Tower rose from the landscape. There wasn't a person in the world that hadn't see a photo of the Eiffel Tower, but there was no way to prepare yourself for the grandeur…the beautiful design…of a landmark that epitomized Paris. The scene before them was nothing short of spectacular, and Olivia realized she was holding her breath.

"I never thought I'd see this." She whispered. Even Noah was quiet as they took in the scene before them…until he saw the carousel a few minutes later.

"Mama!" He tugged on Olivia's arm, and the spell was broken.

Olivia laughed. "I guess I know where we're going first."

As they walked through the Trocadero Gardens, Olivia was able to distract Noah long enough for a few photos and a look at the fountains by promising him three rides on the carousel. She and Elliot agreed that they'd forego the aquarium for now. It was such a beautiful day, and they didn't want to be inside. They would ride the carousel, get tickets for the ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and then find some picnic items and while away the best part of the afternoon in the Champs de Mar.

As they strolled closer to the large carousel close to the river, they could see the beautifully painted horses. Noah selected a white horse with a yellow saddle, and Olivia stood beside him as they rode. They circled around, and Olivia could see Elliot snapping photos as they passed by. During their second pass, she pointed Elliot out to Noah, and had him wave for the camera. It felt horrible touristy, but she didn't care. She was sure Noah wouldn't remember this trip, so she wanted to have lots of photos.

On their third ride, Noah switched to a different horse, and Elliot switched places with Olivia. Now it was her turn to take photos, and she wondered if Elliot would still be in their life by the time Noah got older and looked back at the photos. She couldn't imagine he wouldn't be, but she would have said the same thing six years ago.

Elliot swung Noah off the horse at the end of the ride, and Olivia was surprised when he didn't put up much of a fight. She was even more surprised when Noah crawled into the stroller, and she raised an eyebrow at Elliot.

Elliot leaned in towards Olivia as they headed towards the walkway across the river. "We may have to find some ice cream."

"We haven't even had lunch yet." Olivia said.

"That's the going price for not pitching a fit when getting off the carousel." Elliot said. "And for agreeing to ride across in the stroller." He slipped his left hand into Olivia's as they started across the Seine. "Besides, we're on vacation. Live a little."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was glad they had found an ice cream vendor, because eating the sweet treat kept Noah distracted while they waited in the long lines to ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Security had been heightened considerably, and they almost decided to forget the entire thing. But they had finally decided this was a once in a lifetime chance, and it wasn't likely that any other day was going to be any better. When they reached the top, they didn't regret their decision. They view of the city had been truly breathtaking, and Noah thought it was funny to watch the tiny people below. But Olivia and Elliot had both been thankful when they had descended and escaped the crowd, and had made their way to Champs de Mar.

Noah ran ahead of Olivia and Elliot a little as they strolled along the expanse of green. The park stretched far, and they had decided to go towards the far end. It would give them a good view of the Tower, and there would be less people. When they had reached a good spot, Olivia called to Noah, and he stopped and ran back to them.

Elliot pulled a thin blanket out of the pouch in the back of the stroller, and spread it out in the grass. Olivia pulled a small, red ball out of her bag and tossed it to Noah. He tried to catch it, but it went between his outstretched hands, and he laughed as he kicked at it. Olivia kicked it back to him, and they started a rousing game of chasing the ball.

"I'm going to find some lunch." Elliot said as he watched them play.

Olivia nodded as she kicked off her shoes, and then she turned and chased after Noah.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot was gone longer than he had planned, and he noticed Olivia and Noah weren't running around anymore. Olivia had Noah on her lap with a book, and they both looked up at him as he came back.

Lunch was fresh baguette, some meat and cheese, and grapes and pears. Elliot had found a few bottles of sparkling water, and it was the perfect picnic. White, fluffy clouds dotted the blue sky, providing just enough cover so the sun wasn't beating down on them.

Noah was yawning as he ate, and when he was done, Olivia urged him to lie down on the blanket between she and Elliot. He wanted her to lie down with him, so she lay down on her side, resting a hand on his hip as he rolled towards Elliot. She had her left arm tucked beneath her head, and after a few minutes, she could feel her own eyes getting heavy.

Elliot cleaned up the leftovers and garbage as quietly as possible, clearing the rest of the blanket. He was somewhat surprised that Olivia had fallen asleep, but he assumed it was one of those naps you have where you're kind of aware of what's going on around you.

He stretched out on the blanket with his arms braced behind him. His eyes scanned the crowd, taking in all the people surrounding them in the park. There were many couples, as well as some people with children. Some were eating, some were playing, and some were simply walking to and from the Eiffel Tower.

He looked over at Olivia and Noah, and saw that neither had moved. He lay down on the blanket, and rolled over so that he was facing them. He bent his right arm, and propped his head in his hand. He looked at Olivia, and saw how she had curled her body around Noah's…not touching his…but protective nonetheless. Her hand had slid from his hip to the space between their bodies, and he could tell from her slow, even breathing that she was sleeping harder than he thought.

His eyes scanned her features, and he saw that two days in the sun had dusted the bridge of her nose and her cheeks with a smattering of freckles. She had applied something glossy to her lips after lunch, and even though he knew he shouldn't be thinking it, he wondered what it would taste like. How soft her lips would be if he ever got a chance to kiss her.

His eyes trailed down her sleeping form, taking in her tan arms against the white shirt, and the curve of her hips in her black trousers. Her long legs were pulled up slightly, and he saw that her bare feet bore some grass stains from her play with Noah. He looked down at Noah, and then back at Olivia's face. Her bangs had fallen over one of her right eye, and he found himself reaching over to brush them from her face.

Olivia stirred slightly as his fingertips brushed her skin, and Elliot held his breath. He hadn't meant to wake her. He pulled his hand back, and rested it on the blanket in front of him, waiting to see if she would open her eyes. He relaxed when she seemed to stay sleeping. But it was moments later when her eyes fluttered, and her dark brown eyes connected with his.

"Did I fall asleep?" She whispered when she saw Elliot laying across from her.

"Just for 20 minutes or so." Elliot said. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Olivia glanced down at Noah quickly, confirming he was still asleep. She brushed her hair back from her face, feeling too lazy and peaceful to even move. Instead, she stared back at Elliot, letting her eyes wander from the deep blue of his eyes, over the bridge of his nose and down to his mouth. Her eyes lingered there for a second, before her eyes met his again. The way he was staring at her, she could tell something was on his mind. She thought about the vow she'd made to open herself up, and then about how she'd shut him down the night before. Olivia swallowed hard and let out her breath slowly. "Were you watching me sleep?"

"Guilty as charged."

"Hmm." Olivia gave him a small smile. She had started the conversation with her question, but now she wasn't sure what to say.

Elliot could see Olivia wasn't going to say anything else, but she'd given him an opening, and he was going to take it. "Do you want to know what I was thinking while I was watching you sleep?"

Olivia hesitated. Elliot's focus never wavered and it scared her a little. "I'm not sure."

Elliot didn't hesitate. "I was thinking that it seems impossible to me that you get more beautiful with each passing year." Elliot reached out and trailed his fingers gently down her cheek. "And that I couldn't believe that I've never told you that."

Olivia felt a slight blush in her cheeks. Of course, she'd had men tell her that before, but it never meant much to her. But to hear those words from Elliot…it meant so much more. In some ways, it seemed strange; when they were partners, it was one of those lines that wasn't crossed. And a boundary they had still maintained since they're reunion over six months ago. But things seemed to be changing, even though they'd only been here a few days.

Elliot watched her face, and he could see her trying to process what he'd said. She seemed to accept the compliment, but he didn't miss the pink tinge of her skin. "It's sad that I waited 18 years to tell you that."

"Stop." Olivia whispered, reaching up and resting her hand on top of Elliot's. "We said we weren't going to look back."

Elliot wanted to tell her that he had so many regrets…that there were so many things he would change if he could. But he didn't want to dampen the mood. They were having such a great day, and he was happy that at the very least, he'd been able to open up a little. "You're right." He smiled, and lifted her hand to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. "But from now on…I'm going to tell you how beautiful you are every single day."

Olivia could feel the blush return, but she turned the tables as she pulled her hand back. She winked at Elliot and gave him a small smile. "You're not so bad yourself."


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I'm sorry that this is another short chapter, but it seemed like this needed a chapter on its own. I hope you enjoy.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia tucked an exhausted little boy into bed.

He had napped for barely an hour in the park, and after that, they had played in the park for a while, hit the aquarium, and sat outside at a brasserie for dinner. Noah had loved being sandwiched between Olivia and Elliot at the small table, and they had all enjoyed watching the people (and dogs) go by. Elliot had ended up carrying the sleepy boy home as the sun set in the sky, and he barely moved as she changed him into his pajamas.

Olivia walked out into the main room, and saw it was empty. One of the sets of French doors was open, and Olivia could feel a cool breeze against her skin. She was only wearing a short-sleeved red t-shirt with jeans, having changed after they got home. She ducked back into her room and grabbed a long gray cardigan and slipped it on. She pulled it across her body and folded her arms, loving the softness and the warmth. She wandered out on the balcony, and she could Elliot's silhouette against the backdrop of the lights of the city.

"Wow, it got dark fast." She said quietly, not wanting to startle him. "And a little cold."

"Come here." Elliot said as he turned to face her.

Olivia felt a shiver run through her body, but she honestly couldn't say if it was because of the breeze or the tone of his voice. But she didn't hesitate as she walked over to where he was standing, and she leaned against the railing in the space next to him. Elliot enveloped her with his body, pressing his arms against the outside of hers as he gripped the railing on either side of her. Olivia didn't have any shoes on, and the difference in their height allowed him to nestle his chin on her shoulder.

"I'll keep you warm." He said quietly, his mouth brushing her ear as he spoke, and he smiled as he felt her shiver. "If that's ok."

Olivia could feel Elliot's hard body pressed against her. In trying to keep her warm, he really hadn't given her any space. She didn't normally like to feel trapped like this…a feeling that had ratcheted up exponentially since Lewis…but she was ok. She realized that she had always felt safe with Elliot, and she presumed that was the reason why.

Of course, it also helped that she'd waited years to feel his body pressed against hers, and had suffered through many sleepless nights with vivid images of exactly what she would do if the opportunity every presented itself. Of course, those images had faded after he'd left, and the sleepless nights were caused by other things.

But since Elliot had reentered her life, she'd allowed herself to revisit those dreams every once in a while. She relaxed against him slightly. "It's ok."

"Good. Because I don't want to let you go." Elliot said, his voice almost a whisper.

Olivia didn't say anything, absorbing what he'd said...sensing multiple meanings in the words he'd just uttered.

They both stayed quiet and looked out at the view. The sky had grown even darker, and the lights of the city were showing their brilliance. Minutes had passed as they drank in the sight, until Olivia broke the silence. "I live in the city that never sleeps…that's lit up like this…but there's something about this that's different. It's…" Olivia couldn't think of the right word because nothing seemed to convey what she was feeling.

"Beautiful?" Elliot supplied, trying to be helpful.

"That word doesn't seem adequate." Olivia said. They were speaking in hushed tones, as if they could disturb the sight before them with the sound of their voices.

"Amazing? Stunning? Breathtaking?" Elliot said as he lifted his head slightly.

Olivia didn't say anything. She could feel Elliot staring at her profile, and she knew he wasn't talking about the city any longer.

"Sometimes it's hard to find the right words." Elliot said.

"I don't know…you seem to be doing ok." She had been surprised by Elliot today. The way he'd taken her hand, as if it was something they did every day. The gentle way he spoke to her in the park, when he told her that he thought she was beautiful.

They were quiet again. Elliot inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of her shampoo and perfume. He lifted his hands, and ran them up her arms. "If you're still cold, we can go inside."

"I'm not cold." Olivia said. Elliot radiated heat, and she would be happy to stand here for hours if it meant he'd keep himself wrapped around her. She crossed her arms over her midriff, so they were resting along the railing.

They both fell silent again as Elliot wrapped his arms around her waist, tangling his arms with hers. He was surprised Olivia was letting him hold her this way, but then again, she hadn't pulled away from him at all today. He hadn't expected that after the way she'd shut him down the night before. He wondered how much more she could handle tonight.

"I lied to you a little today." Elliot said as they swayed slightly, his chin resting near the top of her head.

"Oh yeah? About what?" Olivia said. It had been a long day…loaded with conversations. "About your love of penguins?" She said, trying to keep it light. Elliot and Noah had spent a lot of time mimicking the penguins at the aquarium, and she'd captured some hilarious video.

Elliot squeezed his arms, eliciting a small laugh from Olivia. "No. I love penguins." He said with a chuckle of his own. He recognized her deflection for what it was, and he almost ended the conversation there and moved on to something lighter. But he had come this far…

"When I told you what I was thinking about as I watched you sleep…" Elliot said.

Olivia stiffened slightly, a little afraid of what he was going to say.

"When I told you how beautiful you are…" Elliot continued. He dropped his head slightly, and sighed slightly, his mouth close to her ear again. "I meant it. I look at you, and sometimes I'm surprised by it…you take my breath away." He whispered. He hesitated again, and pulled Olivia more tightly against him. "But mostly…I was thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you."

Olivia's mind was reeling, knowing she should have anticipated this, but still feeling surprised. There had been so many times when she had ached to have him kiss her…to lean in and press his lips against hers. She unfolded her arms and gripped the railing, forcing Elliot's arms to fall away slightly and creating a small amount of space between them.

Elliot rested his hands lightly near her elbows, but pressed in a little closer. He lowered his mouth to her ear again. "Olivia…can I kiss you?"

Olivia closed her eyes as her head and her heart waged an internal war. She wanted to say yes…her entire being was screaming at her to say yes…but she knew once they crossed that line, there would be no going back. Not for her at least. If they didn't move forward, she didn't know if she would survive it.

Don't overthink it. _To possibilities…_

Elliot held his breath, waiting for an answer. Olivia relaxed against him, and dropped her head back against his shoulder. He could feel her acquiescence…her silent approval…and he let out his breath slowly. He ran his hands up her arms, holding her as he took a half step backwards. He turned her slowly, until she was facing him, and he could see the look of uncertainty on her face. It was mixed with something he couldn't quite name. He framed her right cheek with his left hand, and his eyes went to her lips and then back up to her eyes. "Tell me yes."

Olivia could feel her heart racing, and she parted her lips slowly. "Yes." She whispered, turning her head slightly into his hand.

Elliot brought his right hand up and cupped her left cheek, so he was holding her face in his hands. He ran his thumb lightly across her cheek. His hand slid down slightly, and he felt her breath hitch as he brushed his thumb along her lower lip. His hand slipped back along her jaw and he leaned in, tilting her face towards him. His lips were mere millimeters from hers and he paused. There would never be another first kiss…he wanted to remember this moment.

He pressed his lips to hers lightly, kissing her softly…gently. Her lips were full, and soft. He pulled his mouth from hers for a second, and then placed a small kiss on the corner of her mouth. Elliot took another half-step towards her, and slid his right hand into her hair. He lifted her chin again with his left hand, and stared into her eyes for a moment before he kissed her again. This time, his mouth was more insistent against hers, and he tilted her head as he deepened the kiss. He felt Olivia slide her arms beneath his arms, and she pulled his body against hers with her arms pressed against his back.

Olivia couldn't believe Elliot was kissing her…that she was kissing him. His first kiss was gentle, but she could feel his passion…the years of built up desire…as he deepened the kiss and pressed her body against the balcony railing. She recognized it because it matched her own, and she moaned as he opened her mouth with his. She slid her tongue between his lips and she felt a rush of heat as his tongue touched hers.

Elliot dug his fingers into her scalp, and his left hand left her cheek and ran down her neck to her shoulder. He squeezed lightly and broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers. They were both breathing heavily, and neither one of them spoke. Elliot loosened his grip on her hair, and slipped both hands back to her jaw. He pulled back slightly, giving her some room, and he kissed her lightly again. Night had fallen, and the only ambient light was from the streetlights below. He could see her face very well, but from the way she was gripping the back of his shirt, he was pretty sure she wasn't regretting the kiss.

Olivia was slightly disappointed…she didn't want Elliot to ever stop kissing her. But she knew it would have been so easy to get carried away…to fall into bed. When he'd had her pressed against the railing, she could envision it. If he had scooped her up and carried her into his bedroom, she wasn't sure she would have stopped him. And that wouldn't have been good. There was still too much between them…too much to talk about…to work though. It would have been disastrous. It was good that Elliot had stopped; that he seemed to be on the same page.

Olivia loosened her grip on his shirt, and let her arms fall to his waist. She looked up, and caught his eyes. The lights from the city were reflected in his, and she could see a small smile on his face. "Do you want to know what I was thinking when I woke up and saw your staring at me?"

Elliot shook his head slowly…almost imperceptibly. He was still on a high from kissing her, and he could barely think of anything but getting his mouth on hers again. "Tell me."

Olivia smiled and tilted her head up slightly. "You know what? I don't think I will." She teased.

"Hey, that's not fair." He said, as he slid his hands to her hips. "I told _you_ …" Elliot said, a small smile on his face. He really didn't care; he was on Cloud 9.

Olivia placed the palm of her hand against his chest and stared at it for a moment before she looked up at him through the fringe of her eyelashes. She didn't want to get carried away, but a little more kissing couldn't hurt. "OK, I'll tell you. In exchange for another kiss."

Elliot leaned in, moving her back against the railing again. Olivia gripped the railing at her sides, and Elliot placed his hands over hers. He moved his mouth close to hers…sharing a heated breath. "Bribery will get you everywhere." He whispered, right before he captured her lips with his.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: This is another short update, but I wanted to get one out. I plan on writing some longer chapters coming up, especially since we have a three-day weekend here in the U.S. Hope you enjoy!

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke as the first fingers of morning light started streaming into the room. The apartment was quiet, and Noah was still sound asleep next to her; his little body curled around a stuffed penguin Elliot had bought for him at the aquarium. Olivia could feel the smile on her face, and she wondered if she'd worn it through the night. She touched her fingers to her lips; memories of Elliot's kisses still fresh in her mind.

They had moved from the balcony to the couch, and continued their exploration of each other's mouths. And while things got heated, somehow, they had both managed to keep their hands from wandering…as if learning each other this way was critical. They both seemed to understand that taking things slowly was paramount…even without saying a word.

Elliot was the one that had finally broken away from her, teasing her by telling her that he had earned the right to know what she'd been thinking as they lay on the blanket in the Champs de Mar. She knew he'd really pulled his mouth from hers because they'd both reached the point where they had to stop or go forward…

They both had moved away from each other, their desire written on their faces and evident in their bodies reactions. It had been a quick good night then, and a rush to their rooms…before their heads lost the war with their bodies.

She'd never told him what she'd been thinking, and he never pushed.

She was glad, because she hadn't been ready to tell him that she loved him, and that she had for a very long time. That if she could go back in time, she might have done things differently. That she was still so angry that he left her, but that she'd let him back into her life because she had missed him so damned much.

Olivia let out a small sigh. She knew they talked about going forward, and not dwelling on the past. But the truth was that if they had any chance at all…if that was what he wanted…they had to have those discussions. They both had to know what had been happening in each other's lives since he left. They needed a solid foundation on which to build a future. And that foundation couldn't have gaps in it.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up as the first fingers of morning light started streaming into the room. He scrubbed a hand over his face as thoughts of Olivia crowded his mind. Those same thoughts had kept him awake the better part of the night. He had retreated to his room with a raging hard on, and he hadn't been able to get his body to calm down. In his mind, he had known that they needed to go slowly, but his body hadn't gotten the memo. Even now, he could feel the fingers of desire start to take hold. He was going to have to start his day with a cold shower…and he assumed that would be the first of many this week.

He wondered if Olivia had been as worked up as he had been, and if she'd gotten any sleep. From the way she had been biting back the moans, he had to assume she had been.

He rubbed his hands across his face again and let out a deep sigh. Anyone that thinks you lose your sex drive as you get older is insane. He'd meant what he said when he told Olivia that she grew more beautiful with each passing year. It wasn't a line, and he still thought she was the sexiest woman he knew. He had denied his attraction to her for a long time…but he didn't have to do that anymore. He just needed to figure out the best way forward. Because if she was willing, he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure she felt loved and treasured in a way she never had before.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia slipped out of bed slowly, making sure she didn't wake Noah. She knew he was worn out, and she wanted him to sleep as late as possible. She had heard Elliot in the bathroom, but she wasn't sure where he was now. She felt slightly nervous about seeing him, and that unsettled her because she'd known Elliot forever. It was ridiculous that a few kisses had thrown her so off-center.

She slipped her gray cardigan over her nightgown and poked her head out the door. Elliot wasn't in the main room, so she assumed he had crawled back in bed. Olivia crept out of her room and into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and splashed warm water on her face. She wanted to take a shower, but knew the sound of that would wake the Elliot and Noah. She ran her hands through her hair, and peered in the mirror a little more closely. Thankfully, Elliot had shaved yesterday, but her skin was slightly tender…the aftereffects of his 5 o'clock shadow.

Olivia padded quietly out of the bathroom, trying to decide if she should try going back to sleep or just get dressed for the day. They had decided to take it easy today…to just wander and play…since they'd been pretty busy since they had arrived. They wanted an unscheduled, lazy day.

The room was getting brighter as the sun continued to climb, but it was still low enough to cast long shadows into the room. She spied her book laying on the coffee table, and decided she would curl up in bed and read until Noah woke up.

Olivia crept quietly across the floor, but as she passed Elliot's door, she heard her name. It was quiet, she almost thought she had imagined it.

"Liv."

This time there was no mistake. Elliot had said her name. She glanced over towards his door, and saw that it was half open. From where she was standing, she couldn't really see inside, and she wavered about going to see what he wanted and pretending like she didn't hear him.

Olivia realized she was being ridiculous, and she walked to his door and poked her head around the door. She walked through the door, standing just inside the room, when she saw Elliot sitting on the bed. He was wearing that same damned pair of running pants, but what was more disconcerting was the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt. As much as she tried not to, she couldn't keep her eyes from trailing over his chest…his abs…his arms. When her eyes moved to his face, his eyes were focused on her legs, and she belatedly remembered that she was only wearing a short nightgown. The length of the cardigan probably made it look like she wasn't wearing anything at all; both ended high on her thighs. She grasped both sides of the cardigan and wrapped it more tightly around her body, feeling vulnerable. "Good morning."

Elliot's eyes met hers, and he knew he'd been busted. Her legs were still amazing. _Such long, long legs_. The sight of them wasn't doing anything to squelch his base thoughts, and he vowed to keep his eyes focused on hers. "Good morning."

Olivia fidgeted, still standing near the door. "How did you sleep?"

Elliot raised one eyebrow. "About as well as you did." He teased, seeing if she would admit it.

"I slept like a baby." Olivia said, but she knew Elliot recognized the lie. She didn't care. She wasn't sure what Elliot had wanted, but it felt slightly awkward standing here. Olivia motioned vaguely behind her. "Well, I'm going to crawl back in bed and read a little."

"Come here." Elliot said gently. He lifted one hand from where it rested on the bed beside him, and held it out towards her. He could see her hesitation. "Don't worry, I won't bite."

Olivia raised an eyebrow slightly. She knew for a fact that he did, indeed, bite. She could almost feel him nipping at her lips…at her neck. "El…" She said softly. This seemed like a bad idea…a really bad idea.

"I just want to say good morning." Elliot saw Olivia was rooted in place; he could see the indecision on her face. He pushed himself off the bed, and walked slowly to where she was standing. Her left arm was dangling at her side, and he tangled his fingers with hers. He leaned in and kissed her…very softly…and he could taste toothpaste on her lips. He slipped his fingers of his left hand into her hair, anchoring her in place as he kissed her again. He made sure his body didn't touch hers, but he felt the knuckles of her right hand graze his abdomen as she clutched her sweater.

Olivia squeezed the fingers of the hand that was holding hers as Elliot pulled away. Confusion was swirling as she tried to dissect what was happening. She felt like Dorothy in Oz…she didn't know the landscape anymore. For years, their rules of their relationship were written in permanent ink, carefully mapped…every reaction and potential outcome predetermined. But since he'd been back, they had gone off-course, and then last night…

 _You're not in Kansas anymore_.

"Is this…I mean…can we?" Olivia didn't know how to ask what was on her mind.

"You mean is it ok if we kiss?" Elliot asked.

Olivia nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Last night was last night, but I didn't know…" Her voice trailed off. She really hadn't known what to expect this morning, but she hadn't expected kissing Elliot to be a casual thing.

Elliot gave her a small smile, tracing his thumb across her cheek. "After last night...I plan on kissing you as often and as much as I can." he said. "Unless you have a problem with that." He traced his thumb over her bottom lip. "You have a problem with that?"

Olivia could only shake her head…all her attention was focused on the feel of Elliot's thumb on her lip as she silently urged him to replace his thumb with his mouth. Seconds later, she got her wish. Elliot slipped his hand down to the base of her neck, and pulled their joined hands to his chest. He kissed her again, a little more firmly this time, but it was brief. He smiled as he pulled away.

"I'll take that as a no." he said. He released her completely then, and took a step backwards.

"No. I mean yes." Olivia couldn't remember what the question was. "I mean…I don't have any issues with you kissing me." She could hear the tremor in her voice, and she cursed inwardly. Heaven knows Elliot's ego didn't need a boost. She tried to get an upper hand. "Or with me kissing you." She said, focused on keeping her voice even.

Elliot smirked, seeing right through her. "No argument here." He put his hands on his hips. "How about we make some coffee, and we can crawl into my bed and read and relax together."

Olivia let out a small laugh. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"The coffee or the reading?" Elliot said, knowing full well what she was intimating, but choosing to ignore it.

Olivia cocked her head slightly, pressing her lips together. "I'm not crawling in your bed…especially wearing this…" Olivia turned towards the door quickly, before Elliot could see the smile on her face. "But I'm up for coffee."

"Worried you won't be able to keep your hands to yourself?" Elliot tossed out at her, and he saw her pause.

Olivia was surprised by a comment and the challenge in his voice, but this time, she felt in control. Elliot inviting her into his bed was bold, and he knew it. Even if he didn't have any particular intensions. She turned back towards him, her body almost halfway out the door. His comment from the other night popped into her head.

 _If you're going to come into my room in the middle of the night, I'll definitely keep my eyes open._

She remembered how surprised she'd been. Now I was his turn to be surprised. She gave him a sweet smile. "Elliot. If I decide to crawl into your bed, I definitely _won't_ be keeping my hands to myself."


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: I feel I need to leave some comments here due to some of the content in this chapter. I want to say that I am not a survivor of sexual assault. I have never had to suffer through the things you have, if you've been through such a traumatic event or events. So, in writing about Olivia's assaults in this chapter, I tried to keep it at a high level. I can't pretend to know what people go through, so if you read this and feel I minimized it somehow, I'm sorry. I truly didn't intend to. And don't worry, there is nothing graphic written, but I do mention Sealview and Lewis. Thank you._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia wiped the steam from the mirror with a towel, and looked at the reflection staring back at her. She thought back over the day, and the absolute ordinariness of it. They had wandered through some of the neighborhoods, visited several small local shops, ate at another brasserie, found a small gelato shop, and played in the park. It had been the kind of slow, lazy day they had both wanted, and Noah had loved the pace and the attention he received.

She kept staring at her reflection…she felt like she should look different. Not because anything spectacular had happened, but because of the little things that had defined the day. Like the way Elliot reached for her hand, as if he'd been doing it for years. The way he rested his hand on the small of her back, or brushed her hair from her face as he kissed her cheek. The way he wrapped his arm around her waist as they watched Noah chase around with other kids in the park, as it was the most natural thing in the world. And It was in the way she'd catch him staring at her with a look that said she was the most beautiful thing he'd seen, and that he was exactly where he wanted to be.

For the first time in a long time, she felt sexy…desirable.

For the first time in a very, very long time.

After Lewis, it had been hard. Thank God, Brian had been patient…more than patient. She'd had a lot of shit to work through, and Lindstrom had been instrumental in that. Being intimate with anyone had been the last thing she wanted. From the constant flashbacks to Lewis' hands on her to the rape she'd been made to watch, she was surprised she had ever recovered enough to want to have sex again. It had been a slow process, with Brian worrying about how to touch her…what to say or not say…and her discomfort with the physical reminders Lewis had left on her body. She liked to think she wasn't a vain person, but the reality of it was that she hadn't feel desirable…hadn't feel beautiful…and certainly could do without the intimacy. But she had known she had to overcome that, and thankfully she had worked through it.

But after Brian and she split…she didn't date. She couldn't imagine explaining her intimacy issues and her scars to anyone else. She missed sex, at least with a real, live person. But…it hadn't been worth it.

Until now.

She thought about having sex with Elliot. Really thought about it. Not in the theoretical, _what if_ way she had thought about it…dreamt about it…in the past. She trusted him implicitly. If she was going to have sex with anyone, it would be him.

But before that could happen, he was going to have to understand what had happened in the days she'd spent with William Lewis. And just like after what had happened at Sealview, she didn't want to tell him. She didn't want him to see her differently…to pity her…to tread lightly around her. One thing she was thankful for was that Elliot _didn't_ know about any of it.

Olivia trailed her hands down to her breasts, running her fingers over the pale pink scars low in her cleavage. She smoothed her hands down to her stomach, where a few other scars dotted her midriff. She didn't even want to look at her inner thighs. If there was anything to be thankful for, it was that Lewis hadn't managed to find time to brand her in any other, more intimate ways. She let out a strained laugh…thinking about something to be thankful for about that entire situation was ridiculous.

Lindstrom had told her to stop comparing her assault to other victims…to stop thinking that somehow, she'd gotten off easy because she'd had less physical trauma and he hadn't raped her like he had others. He kept reminding her that her long, sustained assault in her apartment and at the beach house, and the subsequent ordeal in the granary, was what she had to focus on. It didn't matter what had happened to others. She had been assaulted…traumatized. She had to focus on her recovery.

She had known he was right. But she was so used to empathizing with victims…that it had been really hard for her. But he had helped her through it.

She was in a good place now.

But she still wondered if being intimate with Elliot would bring back the panic attacks…retrigger the memories and the flashbacks.

There was no way she could go into this without telling him. She would just have to decide how much she wanted to share.

Olivia jumped and let out a small scream when she heard a loud knock on the bathroom door.

"Olivia? You okay in there?" Elliot asked.

Olivia realized she'd been in the bathroom for quite a while, lost in her thoughts. The steam had dissipated, and she could feel the goosebumps on her bare skin. "Yeah." She managed to croak out. She swallowed hard. "I'll be out in a minute."

"OK. I think Noah is almost ready for bed."

"OK." They had arrived back early this evening, and Noah was tired out. They had decided to feed him and give him a little downtime, and that the two of them would eat dinner after he went to bed. Noah had been curled up on the couch with Elliot and a couple of books, so Olivia had decided to wash off the dirt of the day with a quick shower. She had no idea how long she'd been standing there, lost in thought.

Olivia dried her hair with a towel quickly and slipped on a thin robe she had packed for the trip. She opened the door, and stopped abruptly when she saw Elliot standing just outside, with one arm braced against the doorframe.

Elliot lifted one eyebrow. "You ok?"

Olivia nodded quickly. "I'm fine. I just took a long shower." She said, taking a half step forward, expecting him to move back. But Elliot didn't budge and she stepped back again.

"The water's been off for almost half an hour." Elliot said.

Olivia could see skepticism and concern on his face. She had a brief moment of panic, wondering if he knew what she'd been thinking about as she stood in the bathroom staring into the mirror. She knew she was being ridiculous…there was no way…but that look on his face gave her pause. "You have daughters Elliot…there's a lot of girl stuff to take care of…you know." She sounded crazy, even to herself. But she hoped he'd chalk it up to some kind of feminine rituals he knew nothing about and leave it at that.

"Girl stuff huh?" Elliot let a slow, lazy smile cross his face, and his eyes dropped down to the thin, silky robe she was wearing. It didn't leave much to the imagination, and the thought that a simple pull on the sash would send the entire thing crashing to the floor sent a flush through his body.

Olivia saw the look on his face…and she knew she had the upper hand now. He was distracted…most likely by thoughts of what she looked like beneath her robe, if she was reading his facial expression and the darkness of his eyes correctly…and she used it to her advantage. "Yes." She took a step forward, and placed the palm of her hand on his chest, forcing him to take a few steps backwards. She didn't look backwards as she made a beeline for her room, but she was almost 100% certain his eyes were trained on her until she slipped into her room and closed the door behind her.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia had debated for the better part of twenty minutes about what to wear before she decided she was being absolutely ridiculous. She wasn't dressing for a date, and Elliot had seen her with puke and blood on her clothes and after two days without a shower. She didn't need to make an impression.

She pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans and a camel colored, long sleeved blouse. She ran her hand through her drying hair, and dabbed on a little eyeshadow and eyeliner. By the time she emerged from the bedroom, she saw Elliot was far into dinner prep, and Noah was sitting on the counter watching him.

Olivia walked over to the small space, and stood by Noah. He was dangling his legs off the counter, and he reached out his arms when he saw her. She could see how tired she was, and she felt neglectful when she realized that between her shower, her zone out in the bathroom, and getting ready, she'd left him for more than an hour.

"Little guy didn't want to go to bed until he said good night." Elliot said as he chopped up some tomatoes.

Olivia didn't hear an admonishment in his voice, but she still felt that stab of guilt. She supposed all working mothers felt that way, but she was on vacation. There was no excuse now. "Come here baby." She said in a soothing tone. She lifted him off the counter, and he immediately rested his head on her shoulder. Olivia lay one hand on the back of his head, and kissed his hair. "Let's get you to bed."

Olivia looked over at Elliot. "Just hold off on dinner until I can help." She said, and then she disappeared back into her bedroom.

She emerged twenty minutes later, and saw Elliot hadn't listened to her. He had set up their plates on the coffee table, and had even lit a small candle as a centerpiece. The overhead lights were off, so the only light came from a small light over the stove and a lamp in the corner of the living room.

"This looks great." Olivia said, and Elliot turned from the oven to face her. She noticed right away that he had changed his shirt. He was wearing a deep blue, V-neck sweater with his jeans, and both molded his body perfectly.

"Yeah, sorry. We don't have a regular table and I didn't want to eat side-by-side at the breakfast bar so…I hope you don't mind sitting on the floor."

Elliot had debated dragging in the small table from the balcony, but it was ridiculously small…meant to hold two coffees.

"It's fine." Olivia said as she crossed over to the kitchen. "Thanks for doing all the work."

Elliot handed her a glass of wine. "It's nothing spectacular. Just some baked mostaccioli."

"I didn't know you could cook." Olivia said as she watched Elliot pull something from the oven. "I figured Kathy did all the cooking."

"Well, I used to have to do some of the cooking when I was a kid…you know…when mom wasn't feeling good." Elliot said with a shrug as he set the hot dish on the counter.

Olivia pressed her lips together, remembering nights eating peanut butter sandwiches or anything else she could find when her mom was too drunk to cook…or passed out. "Yeah, I had those days."

"And it sucks cooking for one." Elliot said. He looked up at her. "But now I get to cook for two." He smiled. "Hand me those plates."

They sat at the coffee table, eating their pasta and salads at a leisurely pace. The kept the conversation light, rehashing the events of the day and talking about the trip to Versailles planned for tomorrow.

Elliot looked across the table at Olivia. The camel color shirt was absolutely gorgeous on her, and the flicker of candlelight made her skin glow. "Did I tell you how beautiful you are today?"

Olivia felt her skin flush slightly…she didn't know why his telling her that made her blush each and every time. "Only about ten times today." She said with a small smile, bringing her wineglass to her lips. She had only had about 2-1/2 glasses, but she was feeling a little bold. "Did I tell you that you look ridiculously sexy in that sweater?"

Elliot was surprised by what she said, but he tried not to show it. "Not that I recall."

"Hmm." Olivia murmured, looking at the way his muscles moved beneath the material of his sweater as he lifted his wine glass to his lips. "Well…you do."

"Are you flirting with me?" Elliot teased.

"I don't think so." Olivia said, playing coy.

"I think you are."

"If I was flirting with you, you'd know it." Olivia said. Actually, she really wasn't good at the whole flirting thing. She was a woman that wore a gun and handcuffs on her belt daily…what you saw is what you got. Take it or leave it.

Elliot laughed lightly. Olivia was oblivious to the stares and comments she received on a regular basis, seemingly unaware of just how damned stunning she was. He couldn't imagine the effect she'd have if she actually turned on the charm…starting flirting. "I'd know it huh?" He swirled the wine in the glass. "What kind of things are we talking about?"

Olivia laughed. _Now who was flirting?_ "Trust me. You'll know."

Elliot filled Olivia's glass and then his own, finishing off the bottle. "I can't wait."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I'm going to flirt with you?"

Elliot feigned surprise. "Because of my devastatingly good looks and my cooking skills." He wiggled his brows. "You said I looked sexy in this sweater."

"A momentary lapse in judgement." Olivia quipped.

"So, you _don't_ think I'm sexy?" Elliot said.

Olivia laughed as he held his hand to his heart, as if he was physically hurt by her comment. "I plead the fifth."

Elliot laughed then. He leaned over slightly, staring her straight in the eyes. "Well, I don't have any issue with going on record. I think you are sexy as hell…a gift from heaven…or maybe made by the devil himself. And you can flirt with me whenever you want…and I'm sure as hell going to keep flirting with you." He leaned back, quite pleased with himself. "Now you have two seconds to come over here and kiss me…or I'm going to launch myself over this table and take matters into my own hands."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This chapter was hard for me to write for some reason, so I hope you like it.

This is where we left off at the end of the last chapter.

 _Elliot laughed then. He leaned over slightly, staring her straight in the eyes. "Well, I don't have any issue with going on record. I think you are sexy as hell…a gift from heaven…or maybe made by the devil himself. And you can flirt with me whenever you want…and I'm sure as hell going to keep flirting with you." He leaned back, quite pleased with himself. "Now you have two seconds to come over here and kiss me…or I'm going to launch myself over this table and take matters into my own hands."_

EOEOEOEO

Elliot saw Olivia's smile falter, but then it was back. He could tell she wasn't going to make the first move, so he pushed himself of the floor. He wanted to groan. He had stiffened up slightly for sitting on the floors long, but he wasn't going to cop to that and let Olivia give him shit. He grinned at her, and leapt over the coffee table. He realized quickly that he had misjudged the stiffness in his knees, and he caught the edge of the table with his toes. Dishes crashed to the ground, and he heard Olivia let out a yell as he held out his arms.

Elliot hit the floor, bracing himself with his hands. He groaned as he rolled over on his back. So much for not embarrassing himself. He glanced over at Olivia, and he saw the shocked expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching out and placing a hand on his arm.

Elliot was about to tell her that the only thing wounded was his pride, when they heard a wail from Olivia's bedroom. He looked over at Olivia, but she was already getting up and heading towards the bedroom. "I'm sorry." He called out, but he was pretty sure his words were drowned out by Noah's cries.

Olivia saw Noah sitting in the middle of the bed. He was crying hard, and she knew he had probably been startled out of a deep sleep and didn't recognize where he was. He held out his arms when he saw her, and she scooped him up, patting him on the back. Olivia sat down on the bed, and situated him on her lap as she pulled his small body against hers. But he was still crying…beyond consolation…and she knew it would take him a little bit of time to calm down. She rubbed his back and rocked him gently as he cried. She could hear Elliot cleaning up the dishes in the other room, and the noise distracted Noah a little. His cries slowed down as he twisted around to look at the door, and he swiped at his nose and his eyes with his hands. The cries stopped…replaced by hiccups…and Olivia knew she was going to have to get him a glass of water.

She stood up and adjusted him in her arms, and she saw Noah squint as she walked out into the living room.

Elliot grimaced slightly when he saw Olivia with Noah in her arms. He knew if she was bringing him out here, it wasn't going to be quick getting him back to sleep. Noah hadn't seen him yet, and Olivia put a finger to her lips as she talked softly to her son. She moved into the kitchen, and Elliot side-stepped them so Noah wouldn't see him and want to play. He watched as Olivia poured a small glass of water and helped Noah take a few sips. The little boy obliged and then lay his head on her shoulder.

"Mommy's going to lay down with you so you can get back to sleep. OK Noah?" Olivia said softly.

Elliot noticed that she was looking at him as she said it, and he knew his night was over.

EOEOEOEOEO

"Elliot."

Elliot woke up when he heard Olivia's voice, but he couldn't see anything, and he thought maybe he was dreaming. But then he heard her say his name again…very softly…and he could see the silhouette of her in the dark. He glanced at the clock and saw it was 4AM.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked in alarm as he pushed himself up on one elbow and wiped a hand across his eyes. "Is it Noah?"

"No." Olivia said softly. She stood by the bed, slightly angry that she'd lost the argument with herself about whether or not to wake him.

"OK." Elliot said, dragging out the last letter. He wasn't sure what to make of her early morning intrusion, but he was sure he was about to find out. He was surprised when she sat down on the edge of the bed, but when the ambient light caught her eyes, he could see the despair in them. He didn't move…didn't say anything…for fear he'd spook her and she would leave. She wasn't even looking at him; her gaze was fixed on some point above his head. Or maybe she was focused on whatever was on her mind.

A minute or two passed before Olivia spoke again. "I couldn't sleep." She started. "My mind has been swirling with everything that's happened." She paused for a second, wondering if he understood that she didn't just mean the past 6-7 months, or the past few days. She sucked in a long, slow breath trying to keep calm. "I know we agreed we weren't going to talk about the past but I can't stop thinking about it…about things that happened when we were partners…and things that happened after you left…and what's happening now…and I can't…I just can't…" She shook her head slightly. "It's all related and it's not and I was laying there and it wouldn't stop. All these what if's and why's…" Olivia bit down on her lip to keep herself from crying; she could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes and her chest felt tight. She noticed Elliot didn't say anything, but when she glanced down at him, she saw he was listening. She was thankful for both his attention and his silence. "I can't figure it out. How all these things are related…or if maybe they aren't. I don't know what I'm supposed to do…how to reconcile the past and the present…" Her voice trailed off. "I have so many questions…so many unanswered questions…and I feel like I have so much to tell you so that you _understand_." She emphasized that last word, because sometimes she didn't think Elliot understood that she wasn't the same person he left. "And I don't know how." Olivia's shoulders slumped slightly. "I thought I could tuck it all away…that it wasn't important…but I can't. We can't…"

Elliot saw Olivia's eyes connect with his for the first time since she'd started talking. He hadn't wanted to interrupt her; this had obviously been building inside her for a while. But now, he thought she was looking to him for an answer. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, but he wasn't sure how she'd react, so he didn't. Instead, he pulled himself up slightly, so that he was sitting with his back against the headboard. He folded his hands in his lap. "I agree." He said softly. "We can't avoid the past. You deserve some answers, and I want to know anything you're willing to tell me." Elliot kept his voice soft and the cadence slow. "So…go ahead."

Olivia was somewhat surprised; she hadn't really prepared for this discussion. It was just a lot of random thoughts jangling around in her brain. The stuff she'd just spewed out hadn't been practiced or rehearsed…she had just been trying to tell him how she was feeling. Now that she had a forum, she wasn't quite sure how to start. "Somehow, I always thought all of this would all come out in a fight." She said, and there was no humor in her voice. It was the honest truth. She figured one day, one of them would say something to set the other one off and it would be World War 3. "I don't know what to say."

"Olivia…" Elliot said as he leaned forward slightly. "You're not in court…you don't have to have a list of questions, or a script." His voice was still quiet. He was pretty sure he knew what she wanted to ask, but she had to do this on her terms. "It's just me and you…just talk to me." He heard a little pleading in his voice, because he knew this had to happen too. "I'll answer anything you ask me, if you think you're ready for the answers." He had questions of his own, but he hoped that if he was honest with her, she'd be honest with him.

Olivia looked away, thankful that the room was dark. This was her chance…she had to lay it all out there. She pressed her lips together, and then released a deep breath. "Jenna Fox." She whispered the name softly…almost reverently, and she knew Elliot had to know what she was going to ask him. It was the one question she most needed answered, but she was terrified of the answer. The answer would define their future. "I can understand why you left the job, even though I hated the thought of it." She hesitated, fear and anguish coursing through her body. "But I don't understand…why did you leave _me_? How could you cut me out of your life so easily? You were my best friend…you were my _…my everything_." She admitted, her voice barely a whisper. There would be no holding back tonight. "All my life, people abandoned me. You knew that and you still…" She felt tears on her lower lashes. "You left me behind and I just need to know…why?"

Elliot wasn't surprised by the question. He'd been expecting it since the first day he got the nerve to approach her in the precinct parking lot. He'd been thinking about the answer for a lot longer. "Olivia…leaving you wasn't easy. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Olivia bit down on her lip; she wanted to tell him that he didn't know a damn thing about hardship…he was the one that left her. But she knew she needed to let him finish. She needed to hear the whole story.

"Because I knew…" Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face. He'd thought about it this conversation a million times, but now the words weren't coming. He started over, hoping she would understand what he was trying to say. "When Jenna came into the squad room and started shooting…I saw you leaning over Sister Peg and the only thing I could think of was that it could have been you." Elliot swallowed hard. "I didn't think twice. You were still in danger. I shot to kill."

Olivia didn't know what to do with that information. She took a second to process. "You shot Jenna because she was shooting at the suspects in the cage." That was all she could accept.

"No." Elliot said firmly. "I chose you over Jenna. I chose you over those men…over everyone else. I chose you, even though after Gitano, I wouldn't do that _ever_ again. I chose you because I couldn't imagine a life without you at my side. I chose you because I had fallen madly, deeply in love with you." Elliot paused when he heard Olivia's sharp intake of breath, but she didn't say anything. He couldn't imagine she didn't know how he felt…but they had never said the words out loud. "When I left the precinct that night, it hit me. I had known that I loved you for a long time…I had let things go on too long. What happened that night…it was inevitable. It was only a matter of time. We had been playing with fire. And because I didn't do anything about it…didn't tell you or do a goddamned thing about it, a young girl was dead. I sat for days…I didn't sleep for nights…really thinking about it. I realized that I had no business loving you. I had a wife. I had a family. And I realized that maybe I had kept you from finding someone to settle down with. Maybe my selfishness had cost you the family you wanted." He saw the expression on her face…the objection to what he was saying…but he kept going. "We both knew Liv. After Gitano…we both knew. It's why you left. And I was such a fucking idiot that I led you on…holding on to you with one hand while I clung to my family with the other." His voice was cracking now. "It wasn't fair. And I had committed to making things work with Kathy. Eli was still a baby. I decided I had to let you go."

Olivia couldn't hold back any longer. " _You_ decided…" Olivia said, her voice laden with emotion. "You should have talked to me. _You_ made a choice but took my choice away. "

"I couldn't." Elliot choked out. "If I would have talked to you…if I would have seen you…I wouldn't have been able to let you go. I wanted you to be able to move on."

"I didn't want to move on." Olivia said. "There was nothing to move _on_ from."

"Bullshit." Elliot said, and then he took a deep breath, calming his voice again. "You said you were going to be honest."

"I am being honest. I just wanted my partner."

"Olivia, I saw you." Elliot said. "Months had gone by, and I missed you so much. I had managed to stay away. But I reached the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. I thought maybe if I just saw you. If I could see that you were okay, then I would go away and you never had to know I was even there." He shook his head, remembering those days. "I was a miserable son-of-a-bitch because while I was trying to work things out with my wife, I kept thinking about you. So, I sat in my car, outside of your apartment one morning. When I knew you'd be leaving for work, and I saw you. You walked out of the building with a man. He had his arm around you, and you looked so happy."

"David." Olivia said softly.

"I was crushed, but I told myself that I had done the right thing. I had let you go and you were happy."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She'd met David at a time in her life when she was looking for something, but if things had gone on as before, she probably would have met David anyway. "There was room for both of you in my life."

"Do you honestly think that? Would you have let yourself fall in love with him?"

"Who said I was in love with him?" Olivia said. She honestly couldn't answer that question herself…she didn't love him like she loved Elliot, but it had been good. "Maybe I was, but it was nothing compared to how I felt about you." She took a deep breath. "I still thought about you all the time."

"And I never stopped thinking about you." Elliot whispered. "But I told myself I had done the right thing, and I renewed my effort to spend time with Eli and the other kids. I tried to purge you from my thoughts…to fill up my time. I coached Eli's soccer team. I taught some classes at the academy. I got hooked up with this private security firm. I thought if I kept myself busy enough, I could purge you from my mind." Elliot closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headboard. "But it didn't work…and through all that…" He lifted his head again and opened his eyes. "Kathy and me…" He let out a choked laugh. "There was no Kathy and me. There hadn't been for a very long time. We started divorce proceedings and I thought maybe…" His eyes connected with hers. "I should never have gone back to Kathy the second time. I already knew I was in love with you, but I felt this obligation."

"You had kids. It was the right thing to do at the time."

"No." Elliot said. "It wasn't. Look at what it cost us. All those years."

"If you hadn't gone back to Kathy, do you honestly think we were ready to give up our partnership?" Olivia said softly. "I don't think we knew then. We didn't know exactly what we were to each other."

"When you came back from Oregon, you knew. Before you left, you knew." Elliot reminded her. He took a chance and reached out for her hand. "I was so happy when you came back, but we couldn't seem to get back to what we were. That night…I should have come to you." He knew that Olivia knew exactly what he was talking about. "Things would have been different. I mean, I love Eli but…"

"Don't say that." Olivia said quickly. It felt wrong somehow.

Elliot could only nod. "OK." He said, his voice resigned. "But it seems as if our lives were a series of bad decisions and denial. If we had just been honest with each other. With ourselves…" They both let out a sigh, and they were both quiet for a few minutes. "I came back again…after Kathy and I were done. I had moved out. I had my own apartment and got settled and I made up my mind that it had been long enough. That I was going to tell you how I felt…no matter the consequences."

"What stopped you?" Olivia asked, sensing his hesitancy.

"You were with Brian. You were living together. You'd made Sergeant…you had a life. You didn't need me."

"You were wrong." Olivia said. "I've always needed you."

"If I would have come back, would you have left Brian for me?"

"Why would I have had to choose?" Olivia asked. "We were friends. Best friends."

"I didn't want to be friends Olivia." Elliot said, and he knew it sounded harsh but it was true. "I wanted all of you."

"So, your need to have all of me stood in the way of having even a little part of me?" Olivia said. "If you had come back into my life still married to Kathy, I wouldn't have cared."

"Are you still being honest? You never wanted more?"

"Of course I wanted more." Olivia said. "But if I couldn't have that…I'd still want you in my life."

"Exactly. You would have settled for less." Elliot squeezed her hand. "You deserved more." He looked down at their conjoined hands, thinking about what could have been. She wasn't saying anything and he looked up at her. "I just wanted you to be happy." He said in a hoarse whisper. "Do you understand that?"

"I don't know if I'll ever understand." Olivia said. She knew Elliot thought he had done the right thing. "We'll never know how things would have turned out. We can talk about it and talk about it…" It's exactly what had been keeping her up all night.

"Do you think you can forgive me?" Elliot asked. He couldn't read her expression in the dark, but the tone of her voice told him everything. Sadness tinged with regret. "Because the past six months have been the happiest I've had in a long time. I want to be a part of your life…in any way you'll let me."

Olivia was quiet for a moment, thinking about everything that had been said. There was a small part of her that was angry with him, but the emotion that overrode everything was sadness. Things could have been so much different. But she couldn't blame Elliot alone; she'd played a role in that too. She'd kept her feelings under lock and key. She may have been able to change the trajectory of things. No…she had to take her share of the blame. "Were both at fault. And I don't think I could have let you back in my life if I hadn't already forgiven you."

"I'm still wondering about that." Elliot said. "Why didn't you just tell me to go to hell?"

"I told you already. I want you in my life. But…" Olivia hesitated. "What's happening here…I'm scared."

"You don't trust me." Elliot said, disappointment swarming over him. But he knew he couldn't blame her.

"It's more than that." Olivia said. "I'm worried that this…whatever this is…is based on the people we used to be." She slipped her hand out of Elliot's. "I'm not the same person I was before."

"Neither am I." Elliot said. "Does that change how you feel about me?" Olivia had never told him that she loved him, but she didn't have to.

"The things that have happened to me…" Olivia said. "I have ghosts…I have scars…physically…emotionally. I thought Sealview was horrible but Lewis…" Tears started streaming down her cheeks then. "I thought I was going to die and I wanted you so much."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you down." It was one of his biggest regrets. He'd been on a job in D.C., and a tearful Kathy had called him to deliver the news. He'd gotten back to the city as quickly as he could, but she had already been found. He'd seen her at the hospital, surrounded by Brian and the squad, and he hadn't wanted to intrude. It had been too long, and he didn't want to add to her pain. If he would have known she wanted him…

"I'm sorry." He repeated, knowing those words were inadequate. "If I could change anything, I would." He noticed that Olivia was staring above his head again, lost in thought. "Tell me Olivia. Tell me about William Lewis." He said in his quietest voice.

"You don't want to know…" Olivia whispered, looking towards the window. She thought she could see a few streaks of light, and she wondered absentmindedly what time it was.

Elliot reached for her hand again. "You can tell me anything. It's not going to change the way I feel about you." He could feel she was shaking slightly, and he knew how much this was costing her. "It's ok. You don't have to tell me." He tugged her hand slightly, and Olivia's eyes met his. "Come here." Elliot scooted over towards the wall, and may down on his side, making room for her on the narrow bed.

Olivia looked at Elliot for a minute. Suddenly, she was so tired. She lay down next to him, her back to his chest, and rested her head on his right arm. She felt his left arm wrap around her, and he placed a kiss in her hair.

"I'm here Olivia. I'm not going anywhere…unless you tell me you never want to see me again. I hope you believe me." He kissed her head again. "I love you."

Olivia closed her eyes, feeling safe in Elliot's arms. She let out a long, measured breath. "When I first met William Lewis…"

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up, and saw sunlight streaming into the room. She glanced at the clock and saw it was after 10AM. It took a few seconds, but then she realized she was in Elliot's room. Everything came rushing back…her early morning visit to his room…unanswered questions asked…answers given…secrets revealed…tears shed. The last thing she remembered was Elliot wrapping his arms around her as she cried when she finished telling him about Lewis.

She stretched, feeling slightly hungover from all the crying she had done, and from the lack of sleep. But she felt as if a weight had been lifted. She had asked Elliot all the things she had wanted to know, and he had answered her. It was one of the most honest conversations they'd ever had. They hadn't exactly decided what the future held for them, but she felt hopeful.

The door swung open, and Olivia looked up as Noah came running into the room.

"Mama!" He yelled.

Elliot was right behind him, carrying a tray of food. "I thought you might like breakfast in bed."

"That was sweet." Olivia said. She lifted Noah up onto the bed and gave him a hug, and then she sat up, leaning against the headboard. Noah settled by her side, and Elliot set the tray of food on the bed.

"You deserve it." He knew how much telling him about Lewis had taken out of her.

"And you got up with Noah again." Olivia said. "I'm sorry…"

"Shhh." Elliot said, kissing her on the forehead. "That's what you do for the people you love." He stood up and looked her in the eyes. "And just in case I wasn't clear last night, I love you."

"Love you." Noah mimicked, snagging a strawberry off Olivia's tray.

Olivia laughed, and it felt good. She gave Elliot a shy smile. "I love you too."


	10. Chapter 10

AN: This is where we left off last time.

" _Shhh." Elliot said, kissing her on the forehead. "That's what you do for the people you love." He stood up and looked her in the eyes. "And just in case I wasn't clear last night, I love you."_

" _Love you." Noah mimicked, snagging a strawberry off Olivia's tray._

 _Olivia laughed, and it felt good. She gave Elliot a shy smile. "I love you too."_

EOEOEOEO

Noah had gotten bored with Olivia's breakfast, so Elliot got him on the floor, playing with some blocks. Once Noah was settled, Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed, watching as Olivia picked at her eggs.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked softly.

Olivia's eyes flicked up to his. She considered telling him she was fine, but she knew there wouldn't be any more lies and half-truths. He knew the worst of what had happened to her. He knew the things that caused her to cry out in the night. And he had held her…without rage…without pity…he had just held her until she had cried herself to sleep.

"Drained." Olivia said, and she could hear the fatigue in her own voice. She pushed her eggs around with her fork. "I feel like I'm hungover."

"You went through a lot last night. I'd be surprised if you didn't feel that way." Elliot took the fork from her hand, and stabbed at some eggs. He lifted them to her lips, and saw her press her lips together. "So, you're going to eat a little…" Olivia opened her mouth and took the bite of eggs he offered. "And then you're going to go back to sleep…" He forked another mouthful of eggs into her mouth before she could object. "And then…" He paused as Olivia snatched the fork out of his hand. "I booked you into the spa at the Four Seasons Hotel George V. You have a massage with Yvette."

"What?" Olivia asked, completely taken by surprise. "You booked what?"

"A massage. The Grand Relaxation Massage."

"But George the fifth is one of the most expensive hotels in Paris…that's…" Olivia was shaking her head. "You can't afford that."

"I didn't say I was paying for it…" Elliot chuckled. "Seriously." He lifted his left hand and brushed her hair from her face. "Let me spoil you."

Olivia shook her head slightly. "You've already done more than enough. You've taken care of Noah by yourself for half of this vacation, and then I kept you up half…"

Elliot interrupted her. "Liv." He fanned his fingers down her cheek until he was holding her chin with his fingers. He tilted her chin so she was looking up at him. "Please." He said quietly. "You've had to take care of yourself your entire life…now it's time for someone else to take care of you. Even if it's just a little bit."

Olivia could see the earnestness in his eyes, and she thought that it might be nice to have someone to lean on. "So, we never really discussed what's next." She looked away quickly, not sure of how he would respond.

"Olivia." Elliot said, somewhat sternly. "Look at me." He couldn't believe she was still questioning his feelings for her. Unless _she_ was the one having second thoughts. He hoped not. Because he couldn't accept that. He watched as she lifted her head, and her eyes searched his. "Do you remember a couple of minutes ago, when I told you that I loved you? And then you told me that you loved me too?" Elliot dipped his head slightly, holding eye contact. He saw her nod. "What else do you need to know?"

Olivia parted her lips, but for once, no objections or obstacles came to mind. They weren't jeopardizing their partnership, he wasn't married, and he knew about all the horrible things that had happened to her. For once, there was absolutely nothing standing in their way. "Nothing. There's nothing standing in our way."

"Does that scare you?" Elliot asked.

"A little." No more lies.

Elliot took her hand in his, never breaking eye contact. "We'll take things as slowly as you want." After what he'd heard revealed in the early morning hours, he could only imagine how hard intimacy was for her. On top of that, she had to learn she could trust him again…that it was okay to take a risk. "You can trust me Olivia. I'm not going anywhere." He squeezed her hand. "OK?"

Olivia nodded lightly and gave him a small smile. "OK."

Elliot stood up and took the tray from her lap. He set it down on the dresser and turned back to Olivia. "Now lay down and get some sleep. Noah and I are going to go to the park."

Elliot's tone said he wasn't going to accept any arguments, and Olivia couldn't deny she was tired. She scooted down on the bed, and smiled as Elliot pulled the covers up over her body.

"And tonight, I'm going to take you out on a date." Elliot glanced over at Noah. "Well, you and Noah." He said with a smile.

"A date? Don't you think we're a little past that?" Olivia asked.

"I want to take you out. After all these years, it'll be our first date."

"I never pegged you for a romantic." Olivia said, and she meant it.

"Well, I usually keep that under wraps." He said, wiggling his eyebrows slightly.

Olivia watched Elliot lean in for a kiss, but was surprised when his lips landed on her forehead. "That's all I get?" she asked as he straightened up.

Elliot winked at her. "Yes. For now."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia walked out of the spa feeling like a new woman. The extra sleep she'd gotten, along with the hour-long massage, had made all the difference in the world. The stress, pain, and anxiety that had been a major part of her life for the past 6 years had melted away. She knew it was only temporary, but she'd take what she could get. She felt good…refreshed.

Olivia found that she couldn't stop smiling as she walked down the street, and she was excited to get back to Noah and Elliot. But first, she had to make a few stops. She wanted to find something new to wear tonight. She felt as if this was a new start for them…a special night.

When she had found what she was looking for, she hurried back to the apartment. She had already been gone so long, but she wasn't sorry she had done a little shopping. She was pretty certain Elliot would approve. When she opened the door to the apartment, she saw Elliot stretched out on the couch, with Noah sprawled across his chest. They were both sound asleep, and she stood and watched them…their breathing in sync.

There had been a part of her that had questioned letting them get so close, but watching them together this week, she knew she'd been wrong to worry. Elliot had been a great influence and a positive addition to Noah's life, and she knew Elliot had fallen in love with the little boy.

Olivia closed the door behind her as quietly as she could, and snuck her packages into her bedroom. When she emerged a few minutes later, she saw Elliot's eyes were open. She gave him a big smile, and walked over and stood next to where he was laying. She leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss. When she pulled her mouth from his, she lifted her head only slightly. Just high enough so she could look him in the eye. "Thank you." She whispered. "That was amazing." She kissed him again, and stood up. "I feel like a new woman."

"I like the old woman." He said with a smirk. He let his eyes roam up and down her body. "But I like the new one too." Elliot was happy to see a smile on her face, and he could see she was definitely more relaxed. "Now how about another kiss?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Olivia shook her head, giving him a devilish smile. "Not now." She winked and backed away. She knew Elliot couldn't chase her with Noah asleep on his chest. Olivia turned and walked into the kitchen to get some water. She turned when she heard Elliot's footsteps behind her, and she gasped when she saw he was right behind her.

Elliot grabbed her arm and pressed her back up against the counter. He saw he had the element of surprise, and he took the opportunity to cup the back of her head with his right hand. He grasped her lips with his, and immediately opened her mouth to him. He heard her gasp slightly as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, and then she relaxed against him. He kept one hand at her waist and the other behind her head as they kissed hungrily. Neither one of them was holding back, and they were both taking small breaths when they could. He took a deep breath through his nose, and he could smell something slightly earthy…something expensive. "You smell good." He hummed against her mouth.

"The spa." Olivia whispered before she pressed her mouth against his again. She slipped her hands around his waist and pulled his body against hers, and then ran her hands up his back. The way he was pressed against her brought all kinds of images to mind, and she moaned into his mouth.

Elliot put his hands on Olivia's shoulders, and pulled back from the kiss. "Liv." He said with a little desperation in his voice. "You can't moan like that." He looked into her eyes, and then dropped his gaze to her lips…then to her breasts. It had been so hard not to touch her…to give her the space she needed…but that bloody moan had sent his blood rushing. "I…" _I want_. He ran his hands down her arms, brushing the sides of her breasts slightly, and he felt her shiver slightly. He brushed her hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. He put his fingers beneath her chin, and tipped her face up slightly. "I love you." He said softly. He kissed her gently, and then dropped his hands with a sigh. "I'm going to go take a shower.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot knocked on Olivia's door. "I'm going to run out for a second, ok?"

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't quite ready, and Noah was running around in his underwear. "OK."

"I'll be back in 15 minutes."

Olivia finished getting ready, smoothing her hands down her body. She looked at herself in the mirror, suddenly questioning her choice in dresses. The sleeveless dress was white with a black floral pattern, gently scooped in the front. It had a solid black band at her waist, and a slightly flared skirt. It hugged her breasts and hips a little more than she remembered from when she tried it on in the store. She was about to change when she heard a knock on the apartment door.

Olivia glanced over at Noah, and saw he was busy playing with his trucks on the floor. She wondered if Elliot forgot his key; she couldn't imagine who else would be knocking. She slipped on her heels and walked to the door, hearing another small knock. She peered through the peephole, and her heart leapt when she saw Elliot standing on the other side. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a pressed white shirt, with the sleeves rolled up slightly and the top few buttons undone. He looked so damn sexy and she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She noticed that he had shaved, and in his hand, he was holding a bouquet of flowers. She put a hand over her mouth, hiding a smile, as she saw him shifting back and forth on his feet. It was almost as if he was nervous.

Elliot saw the door open a crack, and then Olivia poked her head around the door. He raised one eyebrow at her and cracked a smile. "I'm sorry I'm a little late." He held out the flowers. "I couldn't decide on the flowers." He watched as Olivia broke into a smile, and opened the door to him. He felt her take the flowers from his hand, but his eyes were taking in her dress and the way it hugged her body…the red of her lips…the gentle curls in her hair. "You look amazing." He said softly as she brought the flower to her nose.

"Thank you." Olivia said with a smile. She smoothed a hand over her torso. "I wasn't sure about the dress…"

"It's perfect." Elliot said.

Olivia let her eyes trail down to Elliot's chest and then back up to his eyes…the intense blue focused on her. "You clean up pretty well yourself." Olivia said as she reached for his arm and pulled him inside the apartment.

EOEOEOEO

Dinner was relatively uneventful, considering they were eating in a nice restaurant and they were accompanied by a three-year-old. They wandered home slowly, holding hands, as the streetlights cast a glow on street. Elliot was carrying Noah in his other arm, and the toddler cried out when he saw the gelato shop. Olivia was ready with a no on her lips, but she saw the look of hope on his little face, and she couldn't resist.

"OK." She said with a small laugh. "We can stop."

"You wait here." Elliot said, pointing to the small tables outside. The gelato shop was busy. "Save a table." Then he and Noah disappeared.

Olivia sat down at the table farthest from the door, and watched as people came and went. Mothers and fathers with children, young couples, teenagers.

"Mademoiselle."

Olivia looked up and saw a man standing near her table, looking down at her. "Yes?" She replied. She looked around, thinking perhaps she had taken his table. "I mean…" She tried to think of the French words as she stood. "Pardon."

"No. No. Sit." The man gestured towards the chair.

Olivia glanced towards the shop, but she didn't see Elliot or Noah, so she sat back down.

At that moment, Elliot walked out of the shop with Noah still in his arms and a dish of gelato in his other hand. He stopped when he saw a man talking to Olivia. She was seated at the table, and the man was standing, but Elliot could only see his profile. "Look at that Noah." He said quietly as the little boy licked at the gelato in his cone. "Mommy has an admirer." There was a time when the sight of a man talking to Olivia would have caused his anger to spike…his jealousy to flare. But now, he didn't feel either of those things. Olivia was a beautiful woman; no one would ever argue that point. He understood why the man had chosen to approach her. He looked at Noah, and smiled at his little, messy face. "Are we lucky or what?"

EOEOEOEO

It was late when they got back to the apartment, and Olivia was surprised that Noah was still awake. He'd had a late nap, but he was typically on a pretty regular schedule. They had decided to go to Versailles the next day, and she needed to get him to sleep as soon as possible.

Olivia saw the vase of flowers on the counter as Elliot closed the door behind them. She turned as Elliot set Noah down on the ground. "Thank you." She said. "For everything. For listening to me last night and letting me sleep in this morning." She tangled her fingers with his. "For the flowers and dinner." She tilted her head up as she drew closer to him. "I think I like being spoiled." She gave him a shy smile. "A girl could get used to this."

Elliot smiled and then leaned in and captured a kiss. "Good. Because I like seeing that smile on your face." He kissed her again, and his lips lingered close to hers.

Olivia took a half-step backwards and disentangled her hand from his. "Well, it's late." She motioned towards Noah. "I have to get Noah to bed, and we have to get up early tomorrow."

Elliot laughed. "This really is like a first date."

Olivia lifted an eyebrow. "Have you had a lot of first dates?"

Elliot's smile faded and he looked earnestly into her eyes. "No." He slipped his arm around her waist and drew her closer to him. "And for the record, this is the _last_ first date I ever intend to have."


	11. Chapter 11

Elliot lay in bed, wide awake, thinking about the evening with Olivia. A lot had happened in the short time they'd been here; it was almost hard to believe. He felt like they were on steady ground now. The fact that she had opened up to him spoke volumes, and he was glad that it had been on her terms. He was happier than he'd been in a long time, and he thought Olivia was too.

The only thoughts plaguing him now were navigating the future. He knew, with everything that Olivia had told him, that he had to move cautiously when it came to their physical relationship. God had to intervene here, and grant him some kind of temporary immunity to her, because he wanted her in the worst possible way. When she had moaned into his mouth, it had taken all his self-control not to pick her up off her feet and carry her into the bedroom.

 _And that dress_.

It must have been made specifically for her because it hugged her body perfectly.

Elliot let out a heavy sign and moved from his back to his side.

 _She shouldn't be allowed to wear a dress like that._

Maybe she was _trying_ to drive him crazy.

A new thought struck him, and he rolled over on to his back again. Maybe she was waiting for _him_ to make the first move. He pondered that for a moment, but decided that wasn't the case. When he'd kissed her tonight, she'd made an excuse to break it off. She hadn't told him she'd be back out after putting Noah to bed; she had made an excuse about getting up early in the morning.

Elliot let out another deep sigh and flung an arm over his head. He didn't know why he was so preoccupied with these thoughts. He had lived through 13 years of keeping his hands and his thoughts to himself. Well, 18 years. He closed his eyes.

 _He knew damn well why_.

Because now that he had kissed her…now that he knew what she tasted like…knew how her body felt pulled flush against his…the dam had been broken. The genie was out of the bottle. Whatever metaphor that could be used applied here.

He wanted to know what her skin felt like beneath his hands…his lips…his tongue. He wanted to feel the weight of her breasts in his hands. He wanted to taste her in the most intimate of places. He wanted to hear his name on her lips as she came.

Every dream, waking and sleeping, that he'd had over the past 18 years, was replaying in his mind.

 _He was an asshole._

He had waited this long; he could wait a little longer. A lot longer if he had to.

Elliot took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping sleep would come soon.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed with a small boutique bag on her lap. She fingered the silky material of the short, white nightgown she'd bought today. She felt the delicate lace of the small panties folded next to it. Her heart rate increased slightly, thinking about putting these items on.

She had felt bold this afternoon when she bought it. But now, the reality of what would happen if she put these on bombarded her. It wasn't that she didn't want a physical relationship with Elliot. She did. Every time Elliot kissed her, she felt it down to her toes. It had been so long since she'd been touched…desired…loved. She wanted that.

But she was scared.

She wasn't the young woman she was before. She bore the scars of her past…physically and mentally. She was worried that despite what she wanted, she'd freeze…she'd push Elliot away. Or worse yet, she'd completely lose it and lash out at him.

Olivia glanced over at Noah, curled up on his side with his little body wrapped around his stuffed penguin. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and closed her eyes. She could see Elliot's blue eyes staring at her. She could feel his muscles beneath her hands as she ran them up his back. She touched her fingers to her mouth as she remembered the way he kissed her.

He kissed her as if he'd waited a lifetime to feel her mouth on his. He kissed her as if he knew her…as if he'd been kissing her for years. He kissed her as if he wasn't sure when he'd get another chance.

Olivia felt a flush spread across her chest. She stood up and walked across the room to the bureau. She turned the lamp on low, and looked at herself in the mirror. She trailed her fingers along the v of her t-shirt, pulling it down slightly and revealing the pale pink scars. She ran her hands down over her breasts to the hem of her t-shirt, and pulled it up over her head. Olivia tossed it on the floor, and turned back to the mirror. She wasn't quite certain what she was looking for. Maybe she was just trying to see herself the way Elliot would see her.

Olivia walked back over to the bed, and pulled the white nightgown out of the bag. She dragged her pajama shorts and underwear down past her hips, and then slipped the delicate fabric over her head. The material felt cool as it slid over her body, and the hem settled high on her thighs. When she wandered back to the mirror, it took her a second to look up at her reflection. When she did, she ran her fingers beneath the delicate straps, and adjusted the deep v so you couldn't see her scars. Her nipples were poking through the thin fabric, and she closed her eyes, running her hands over her breasts and down over her stomach.

She tried to imagine Elliot's reaction if he saw her in this. She tried to imagine sliding her hands over his bare chest. She wondered if she'd be brave enough to follow the trail of his ridiculously honed abs and find out exactly what was the cause of that cocky swagger.

Olivia could feel a thrum in her lower belly, and she dragged her hands up her outer thighs. She let out a breath slowly, imagining Elliot's hands on her body. She dropped her hands and opened her eyes. She swallowed hard, and then headed back towards the bed. She pulled the lace panties from the bag and held them in her hand. They weren't as small as the tiny patches of silk or lace she'd worn years before, but they made her feel sexy. Before she could talk herself out of it, she slipped them on and let the nightgown fall back over them. She slipped a matching robe over the gown, and tied the sash in a bow around her waist.

Olivia walked back to the mirror. She raked her fingers through her hair, leaving it loose and messy. She picked up some lip gloss and added a light sheen to her lips. When she was done, she took another step back and looked at the result. She smiled at her reflection. She was feeling slightly glamorous and just a little bit reckless.

And it felt good.

EOEOEOEO

"Elliot."

Elliot woke up when he heard Olivia say his name, but just like the night before, he thought perhaps he was dreaming. But them he heard her say his name again, and he opened his eyes completely. His first instinct was to ask her what was wrong. But light from an almost full moon was coming in through the window…casting just enough light so he could see her standing a few feet away from the bed…and the words froze on his lips. She was a vision in white…and now he thought that it had to be a dream. "Liv?" he asked softly as his eyes met hers.

Olivia didn't say a word. She untied the sash of her robe, and pushed it off her shoulders. She felt it pool at her feet, but she kept her eyes trained on Elliot, gauging his reaction. She could feel herself shaking slightly, and she watched as Elliot's eyes trailed down her body and back up again.

The moonlight made the white nightgown Olivia was wearing almost glow; it was in sharp contrast to her dark skin. His eyes lingered on her long legs, then over the stomach and up to her breasts. The way the v was cut in the material left a generous view of her breasts, and he felt a stirring low in his groin. His eyes flicked back up to hers, and he wasn't sure what he saw there. Maybe a little bit of fear…but it was mixed with something else. _Hope? Lust?_ It didn't really matter. He couldn't imagine how hard it had been for her to walk into his room.

He pushed himself up on the bed until he was sitting up, and he swung his legs over the side. He didn't reach for her; he kept his hands on the edge of the bed. "Olivia." He said softly. "You're…" He let out a weighted sigh. Words escaped him, but he saw a small smile play across her glossed lips.

Olivia saw Elliot taking her in, and her nerves left her for the most part when she heard the emotion in his voice. She had hoped he would think she looked good, but she had rendered him speechless, and that felt a million times better. She knew part of it was shock at seeing her in his room, but the way he was looking at her…

Elliot wasn't exactly sure what was happening here…Olivia was full of surprises. The way she'd pulled away tonight, he would never have expected her to turn up in his room. He watched as she closed the gap between them, and her thighs bumped against his knees as she leaned in and ghosted her lips over his. Her loose hair fell around her face and tickled his skin, and then she kissed him softly…whispering his name right before her lips met his.

It sounded like a prayer.

Olivia framed his face with her hands, and kissed him again. She could feel Elliot's restraint as she kissed him, and she kissed him more urgently.

Elliot reached up and placed his hands on her waist, feeling the silky material beneath his hands. He felt her smile against his mouth, and then she pulled her lips from his. She straightened up, and Elliot's hand slid down to her hips.

He looked up at her. "If I'm dreaming, I'm going to be really pissed in the morning." He said lightly. "But it will be the most beautiful dream I've ever had."

Olivia was once again surprised by this romantic side of Elliot…by the sweet things he said. She reached down and rested her hands on his shoulders. She ran them lightly over his collarbone, and then traced the ridges of his chest with her fingers. All her attention was focused on her hands, as she felt the hard muscles beneath his skin. A body she'd seen dozens of times, but never been allowed to touch. She felt his muscles move…contract…as she continued to trace the hard ridges, and she felt her own body's reaction to his.

Elliot watched Olivia's face as she ran her fingers over his chest and down his abs. Her breathing was becoming more rapid…shallow. He didn't know what was running through her mind right now, but he was trying to control his reaction to her touch. And failing miserably. He wanted her too much…he'd thought about this for too long. But he was careful not to move…to keep his hands on her hips. "Olivia." He said softly, and saw her eyes flash up to his. He pushed against her hips lightly, and she took a step back. Elliot stood up. He lifted his left hand from her hip, and brushed her hair back from her face. He held the silky strands in his fingers, and looked down at her, his eyes moving back and forth between hers. "Olivia." He said her name again softly. It had been less than 24 hours since she'd bared her soul to him; he couldn't imagine how difficult this was for her. He knew she'd be fragile right now. He didn't want her to think he was rejecting her, but he needed her to know he wasn't pushing her into anything physical.

Olivia knew Elliot well enough to know what was running through his mind right now. She knew what he wanted to say, and it quite possibly made her love him even more. She reached up and placed her hand over his, pressing her head slightly into their conjoined hands. She gave him a small smile. "I want this." She whispered. "I've wanted this for a long time, and I never thought we'd be here and I…" She squeezed his hand. "I trust you." She could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes, and she swallowed hard. "I always have…so…"

Elliot leaned in and kissed her, saving her from having to say anything else. He slid his fingers to the back of her head and he felt her palm on his bare chest. He was careful not to pull her against his body; there would be no hiding his reaction to her. Elliot tilted his head a little more, deepening the kiss, and he felt Olivia's fingertips digging into his chest. He released her mouth and trailed slow, gentle kisses down her cheek…along her jaw…and then back up towards her ear. "I love you." He whispered. He dropped his lips to her neck and he felt Olivia shiver as he found her pulse point. He sucked at the skin there as he trailed his fingers beneath the thing strap of her nightgown.

Olivia felt Elliot's tongue slide along her collarbone, and tilted her head back to give him better access. She felt the strap of her nightgown slide down her shoulder and her breath hitched slightly. This was all a bit surreal, and she closed her eyes, trying to focus on staying in the present. She felt Elliot's left hand toying with the other strap of her nightgown, and she couldn't help but tense slightly as his mouth dropped down to the swell of her breasts.

Elliot was focused on her reaction to everything he did, and he lifted his mouth from her skin. But seconds later, he felt her hand on the back of his head, and he continued. He moved slowly across her soft skin, but when he had reached the edge of her nightgown, he lifted his head. He straightened up, grasping the strap of her nightgown in his left hand. He fingered the material while he ran his right hand along her chest, and he saw goosebumps break out along her skin. He smiled as he reached for the other strap, already low on her arm, and then looked back into Olivia's eyes.

Olivia met his gaze…she saw the question in his eyes…she felt the straps of her gown in his hands…and she felt a thread of fear and excitement course through her body. She nodded ever so slightly. Elliot leaned in and captured her lips, and she closed her eyes as she felt the gown slip down her body and pool at her feet. Olivia dug her fingers into his biceps as he slid his tongue into her mouth, but the only thing she could focus on was Elliot's hands as they slid lightly across her shoulders.

Elliot stopped when he reached her shoulders, and then retraced his path until both hands were resting at the soft skin at the base of her neck. He released her lips and pulled back slightly and stared at his hands for a moment. He slid his hands down slowly, taking in the fullness of her breasts…her peaked nipples…the dark, smooth skin. His eyes flashed up to hers, and he saw Olivia had her eyes closed. He slid his hands farther down until he held the full weight of them in his hands, and he squeezed gently before he ran his thumbs lightly over nipples. He heard Olivia's breath escape her lungs, as if she'd been holding it for a long time, and he looked up at her to gauge her reaction to his touch. But she arched her back slightly, and he leaned over and kissed the tops of her breasts as he massaged them gently. He heard a small moan escape in a breathy release, and his dick throbbed at the sound. He was so hard right now and he shifted uncomfortably in place.

Olivia dug her fingers into Elliot's shoulders, and she ran one hand to the back of his head, urging him on. His mouth felt wonderful against her skin, and the rough pads of his thumb on her swollen nipples was making her lower belly throb. She could feel the slickness between her legs, and she was almost embarrassed at how wet the lace must be. But it had been so long…

She let out a long, low moan as he took her breast in his mouth, and her knees buckled slightly as she lost herself in the sensations. Elliot caught her with an arm around her waist, and he straightened up to look in her eyes.

"OK?" He asked softly.

Olivia gave him a small smile. "Yes."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No." Olivia leaned in and placed a kiss on his chest. She trailed her hands down his arms, and then up to his chest. She trailed her fingers slowly down the contours of body, much like she had before. But this time, she followed them with her tongue and her lips. She felt him jump slightly a few times as she worked her way across his chest, but when she started to move farther down, she felt Elliot wrap his arms around her biceps and pull her back up. He turned her body around until she felt the back of her legs connect with the bed, and then he kissed her as he lowered her slowly on to the bed.

Elliot stared down at her for a moment, but then he climbed on to the bed, settling himself on her right side and stretching his body next to hers. He propped up his head on his left arm, bracing himself with his bent arm, and he trailed his fingers along her cheek with his right hand. He took a few strands of hair, and slid his fingers along the length of them. His hand moved back to her face, and he smoothed his thumb along her bottom lip. Elliot saw she was watching him, but she didn't say a word. He settled his hand on her chest, and ran his fingertips lightly down her cleavage. In the moonlight, he could see the pale pink scars, and he pressed his fingers ever so lightly against them. But he didn't linger, and his fingers danced down to her stomach. He rested his palm there, and his eyes darted back to hers. "You're trembling." He said, a question in his statement.

"Not for the reasons you think." She said quietly. She knew he was probably thinking she was scared, but she wasn't. It was the enormity of what was happening here that was overtaking her. This was _Elliot._ The man she'd loved for longer than she cared to admit. The man she thought had disappeared from her life forever. She had given up hopes of ever sharing this kind of intimacy with him, and her emotions were threatening to overtake her.

Elliot leaned over and kissed her. "I know exactly how you're feeling." He whispered against her mouth. "I'm feeling the same way." He kissed her again, and then lifted his head slightly, looking into her eyes. "You take my breath away." He said, hearing the emotion in his own voice. "I want to make love to you…"

Olivia pulled his mouth back to his, giving him the answer he needed. Elliot slid his hand down over the lace of her panties, and Olivia cried out as he pressed his hand over her mound. He released her mouth, and looked down as she brought her knees up. He could feel how wet the lace was, and he didn't waste any more time. He slid his hand beneath the lace, and ran his fingers through her slick folds. Olivia's body jolted when he hit her clit, and he groaned when he felt how wet she was.

"Christ Liv." He muttered under his breath. He wanted to taste her…let his tongue follow the trail his fingers were taking…but he didn't know if that would be too much. And he didn't have patience for that. He was hard as a rock, and right now, he just wanted to be inside her. He kissed her deeply as his fingers teased her, and he felt her lift her hips in reaction to his touch. The next thing he knew, Olivia was tugging at the waistband of his boxer briefs, and he broke this kiss.

Elliot slid off the bed and Olivia watched as he slid his briefs over his hips, freeing his erection. She bit down on her bottom lip when she saw him. This man was hard all over…he had an amazing body…and his erection was long and thick. She was breathing hard now, and she was aching…this was really going to happen. She watched as Elliot climbed back on the bed, and she spread her legs slightly to accommodate his body.

Elliot settled his body between her legs, and rested on his forearms. He traced his thumb across her lower lip again, following it with a kiss. He could feel her bare breasts against his chest, and the lace of her panties against his erection. He pressed his erection against her intimately and he heard her gasp. He hoped to God this was ok with her, because if she asked him to stop right now, it might kill him.

"Make love to me." Olivia whispered, knowing he needed to hear her say it.

Elliot pushed himself up and slid his fingers under the waistband of her panties. He hesitated a second, and glanced up at her again. Olivia's eyes were dark…hooded…and her lips were parted, as she watched him. She lifted her hips, and Elliot didn't waste another minute as he slid them down her hips and then down her legs. He dropped them on to the floor, and then he crawled back up her body until he felt his erection at her entrance. "Olivia." He whispered against her mouth.

Olivia dug her fingers into the back of his neck as she arched her back slightly and lifted her hips. She was trembling now, and she felt tears escape and run down into her hairline. She closed her eyes, trying to stop them, but then she felt Elliot's mouth kissing away the tears and telling her that he loved her. Seconds later, he pushed inside of her…pushing past her bodies resistance…and her breath caught as she felt him stretching her.

Elliot paused, letting her body adjust to his, but it took all his self-control not to sink into her completely. She felt so damned good, and it had been so long. But there would never be another first time with Olivia. He wanted to remember this forever…imprint it on his brain so he could take it out and relive this moment over and over again.

Olivia felt Elliot's hand on her inner thigh, and he pushed her leg out slightly, opening her up to him. He pushed himself a little deeper, and she let out a moan. This man was hitting her in places she didn't know existed…or maybe it had just been too long. Or maybe it was because she'd never been this emotionally attached to anyone she'd had sex with before.

Elliot thrust into her one final time, buried deep inside of her, and they both groaned together. He lowered his forehead against hers, and they both just stayed still for a few seconds, relishing in the sensation of their bodies joined together.

"I have to…" Elliot started.

"Move." Olivia said. She lifted her hips, and Elliot started to move against her. She was already so worked up…so ready for release…that she knew it wouldn't be long before she came. She could feel her body humming, and she raked her hands up and down his back, lifting her hips with each long, languid thrust. "Elliot." She whispered his name as she felt her body start to tremble again, and he seemed to know what she needed from the tone of her voice.

Elliot started to move more quickly, and the room was filled with their moans and the sounds of their bodies connecting. He reached between her legs, and found her clit as he continued to move inside of her. He could feel her walls tightening around him with each swipe…each thrust…and he could tell she was close. He wanted her to come because his own orgasm was threatening to overtake him…and then he heard her cry out. She arched her back and dug her nails into his lower back as he body convulsed around him. She was gasping as he kept pounding into her, and then his own release took over.

Olivia felt him come inside of her…and she let out another moan at the sensation. Elliot collapsed against her, and then he was kissing her neck and her lips as he held himself tightly inside of her.

"God, I love you." He whispered as he buried himself in her neck and slid one arm beneath her back. He held her tightly against him, and buried his face in her hair. "For the rest of my life…it's only you."

Olivia could barely catch her breath but she wrapped her arms around him, never wanting to leave his embrace. "Only you."


	12. Chapter 12

Elliot could feel Olivia's breathing deepen, and he knew she was asleep. He had his back to the wall, and lay on his side with her body nestled tightly against his. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of her head, making sure it was soft enough so he didn't wake her. He felt her shiver in her sleep, and he pulled the blankets a little higher over her body.

He could scarcely believe he was lying here with his body wrapped around hers, and he knew she felt the same. This was all so new for them. When they had finally separated after making love, there had been an awkward moment. They didn't know how to act around each other now that a boundary they'd spent almost 20 years building had been torn down.

" _You ok?" Elliot asked._

" _Yes." Olivia whispered._

" _So…did you bring that nightgown to Paris with you?"_

" _This wasn't that well-planned."_

Elliot had chuckled at her comment, and that had eased the tension.

" _So, you hadn't planned on seducing me before we left for Paris?" He teased._

" _I bought it today…or yesterday. What time is it?"_

" _Who cares?" Elliot laughed. "Anyway, back to your plan…"_

" _It wasn't a plan."_

" _Well, it worked."_

" _I walked into your room. How is that a plan?"_

The teasing tone of the conversation had helped them feel less self-conscious and distracted them as they situated themselves in their current position on the bed.

" _You kissed me first." Elliot pointed out._

" _Well, I couldn't wait for you to make a move. I'd still be sleeping in the other room."_

" _Ouch." Elliot said with a laugh. "Well, for the record, I was laying here in bed, wishing you were here with me, right before I fell asleep. Does that count?"_

" _No." Olivia squeezed his hand. "But I guess you did make up for it."_

" _And I'm willing to do it again. We have a lot of lost time to make up for." He kissed the back of her head. "Why did we wait so long?"_

" _I think we've had this conversation." Olivia said. "It doesn't matter. We're here now."_

" _True. Hey…you didn't answer my question."_

" _I didn't hear a question."_

" _I said I'm willing to make up for lost time. Right now."_

 _Olivia had laughed lightly. "Go to sleep El."_

Elliot had squeezed his arms around her, and smiled as she relaxed against him. They were both quiet for a few minutes.

" _Liv?"_

" _Hmmm?"_

" _If anyone asks, you seduced me."_

Olivia had laughed lightly, but she hadn't responded. He knew she was aware of the reasons behind the comment. They both knew that many bets had been placed on the status of their relationship over the years they were partnered together, and even though a lot of those people were gone, a few remained.

Elliot closed his eyes, begging for sleep to take him. He was anxious to wake up in the morning, and see what the new day would bring.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot felt Olivia stirring, but he didn't come fully awake until she was out of bed. He opened his eyes, and saw her naked form walking towards the door. She was clutching her nightgown in her arms, and he took a moment to appreciate the sight before him.

"18 years and I finally get to see your ass." He said with a chuckle, and he saw her stop at the door.

Olivia turned, covering herself with silky white material. "That's what you're going to say to me first thing this morning?" She raised one eyebrow…a challenge in her expression.

"I already expressed my undying love for you last night." Elliot said as he propped his head up on one bent arm. "So yeah." He flashed her a smile. "I've waited a long time." He let out a sigh. "A long time. I used to hate it when you wore jeans…"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous." She said, cutting him off.

"Like you never checked me out."

Olivia didn't have anything to say to that. She couldn't deny it. "Well, I think you spent more time staring at me than I did at you." She sounded like a teenager, but she hoped it would put an end to this strange conversation.

Elliot acquiesced. "Maybe so. But for good reason." He let his eyes wander down her long legs, and then back up until his eyes met hers. "Drop the gown." He said. "And get back in bed."

Olivia opened her mouth as if to say something…to tell him that she didn't take orders from him. But something about the tone of his voice sent a chill through her body, and she felt a flush in her body.

Elliot worried he'd gone too far. He had meant it to sound playful, but it had some out as more of a command. "Liv…" But before he could say anything, he saw her walking towards him. She hadn't dropped the gown, but it was clear she intended to comply.

Olivia hesitated when she reached the bed. Elliot hadn't really seen her naked. Or at least not very well. The moonlight streaming in the night before had provided some ambient light, but that had only helped camouflage the battle scars and the effects of aging on her body. She felt very self-conscious…especially since the man only seemed to get more toned and better looking with age.

Elliot tugged at the nightie, but Olivia held on. He could see the uncertainty on her face, and he realized why she was holding back. He didn't know exactly what to say, or do. "Hey." He said softly. "It's me."

Olivia's eyes met his. She knew she could trust him, but she was still nervous. Physical appearance had never meant that much to her, but it had been easy to say that when she was young…when her skin was taut and unblemished. She knew Elliot loved her; that she didn't need to be nervous. But the scars were a physical reminder of a darker time, and she didn't want them to tarnish where they were now.

Elliot sat up in bed, and once again, Olivia's legs were bumping into his knees. He ran his hands lightly up her outer thighs, until they were both resting on her hips. He looked up at her, and saw her eyes were trained on him. He dropped his left hand down to her knee, and very lightly trailed the palm of his hand up her inner thigh. He felt her flinch slightly, but she didn't step away. Elliot paused, and decided to change course slightly. He dropped his hands and took her one free hand in his. "Come here." He stood up and motioned for her to climb on the bed. He was a bit surprised when she did…but she still had the gown clutched tightly in her hand.

Olivia lay down on the bed, her protests dying before they passed her lips. Elliot had shown her that he could be gentle, and she trusted him now with her secrets. She lay down on the bed, adjusting the gown so it covered her for the most part. Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed by her bent knees, and he wrapped an arm around both, placing several small kisses there.

"You're OK." He said simply as he slid his palm down one of her shins. He slid his right hand back up her shin, and then started moving slowly down the inside of her right thigh. He felt her muscles tighten, and he never took his eyes off hers. "You're OK." He repeated. He moved slowly…his touch feather light…until he felt a patch of rough skin. He stopped there, running his fingers lightly over the damaged skin. "Relax. It's me." He lifted his hand from her completely then.

Olivia watched as Elliot moved on to the bed, and then he was sitting by her feet, with one hand on each knee. He pressed lightly against each knee, asking her to give him access, but she held firm. A million irrational thoughts were running through her mind right now…and despite years of counseling…she felt ashamed of what Lewis had done to her.

Elliot pressed against her knees a little more firmly, cognizant of the fact that he couldn't push her too far. He saw her close her eyes, and surprisingly, she relented. Elliot didn't want her to feel too exposed, so he pulled the gown down slightly, and then leaned in and very gently, kissed the inside of her right leg, just above the knee. He felt her jolt when his lips touched her skin, and he knew she'd been expecting his hand and not his mouth. He kissed his way up her inner thigh, his lips barely grazing the skin, and opened her up to him as he moved up her body. She flinched with each kiss, but now her entire body was starting to tremble. He glanced up at her face, and saw she still had her eyes closed, but he couldn't miss the trails made by fresh tears.

Elliot glanced back at her dark skin, and he saw a series of faded scars…the origin of them fresh in his mind from what she'd told him the other night. He wanted to cry for what she'd been through, but he didn't want her to interpret his tears as pity, and so he bit them back as he smoothed his lips over the damaged skin.

Elliot glanced over at her left thigh, and saw similar markings. Although this side wasn't as bad. He once again lowered his mouth against her skin, and ghosted his lips against her. He worked his way back up her left thigh until he reached her knee, placing on last kiss there.

This wasn't about sex…this was about love and acceptance…it was about burying the ghosts of the past…and moving on to the future.

Elliot could see that Olivia's eyes were still closed, and he moved his body over hers. He was careful not to press his body against hers. "Open your eyes." He said softly.

Olivia opened them, and tears spilled down her face into her hair. She saw Elliot staring down at her, and she could see pain in his eyes.

"You…" Elliot took in a deep breath. "You are the bravest person I've ever known."

Olivia was shocked. She didn't know what she had expected to hear, but it wasn't that. "I…"

Elliot shook his head. "No. You don't get to deny it." He smiled down at her. "Olivia Benson. You are the most extraordinary person I know. You're fierce…smart…brave…kind…and devastatingly beautiful." He leaned in and captured her lips. "I don't know why you fell in love with me, but I'm a lucky bastard." He kissed her again. "And I'm not going to ask questions."

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him against her. "I'm the one that's lucky." She whispered. "I've been alone…I never thought I'd be able to have something like this ever again, but there's a side of you that I've never seen. And it's made this…" She shook her head. "I don't know if I could have told the Elliot Stabler the things I've told you. Shown you."

"We've both changed." Elliot said. He knew he had…that leaving her had changed him. He wasn't going to let rage rule him anymore. There was too much to lose.

"Maybe this was how it was supposed to happen for us." Olivia said.

"I think so." Elliot said. "This was what was meant to be."

EOEOEOEOEO

As they climbed off the train, the found the morning chill was gone, and the sun was shining brightly. It was a perfect day, and they loaded Noah into the stroller and headed to the Palace of Versailles. The palace was impressive, and they paused on the edge of the gravel lot leading up to it to take it all in. They had already decided to take a self-guided audio tour, unsure of how much Noah would tolerate.

The tour of the Palace was absolutely amazing. Noah loved the Hall of Mirrors, and Olivia was in awe of the entire Palace. It was one thing to see photos in brochures and online, but to see these things in person was truly awe-inspiring.

They were walking along the rooms at the back of the palace, and Olivia glanced out the window. "Oh my God." She saw, getting her first view of the gardens, the fountains and the lake. Elliot heard her gasp, and he came up behind her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and took in the view.

"I wasn't sure about coming all the way out here, but I'm glad you're enjoying it." Elliot said.

"You're not?" Olivia asked, looking sideways at him.

"I'm enjoying spending time with you." He said, as he leaned in and kissed her.

Olivia laughed. "OK. Well, let's get through the rest of the tour, and get outside."

The three of them wandered through the extensive gardens, and Noah ran from fountain to fountain. Olivia was chasing after them, and Elliot loved watching the two of them together. Olivia was lighter somehow, and he hoped he had a part in that. She was laughing as she and Noah darted around, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. When they had worked their way towards the grand steps that led down to the lower gardens and the Grand Canal, Elliot stopped her.

"I want to get a photo of you and Noah."

Olivia scooped Noah up in her arms, and stood on the steps. The wind blew threw her hair, and twisted the hem of her pale blue sundress around her legs. He took a whole series of shots, catching the action…the smiles…and the laughter.

"Do you want me to take a photo of your whole family?"

Elliot turned, and saw a middle-aged woman standing near him. Obviously another American. She nodded towards Olivia. "Go on. I'll get all three of you." She smiled. "Your wife is very beautiful and your son is adorable."

Elliot smiled, no bothering to correct her. "Thank you." He jogged up the stairs, and wrapped his left arm around Olivia's waist. Noah held out his arms to Elliot, and he took him in his right arm.

"Smile."

EOEOEOEO

They had wandered down by the Grand Canal, and Noah was enthralled by the boats on the lake. Olivia had spread out a blanket on the lawn, and unpacked a picnic lunch. Noah could barely keep his eyes open, and he fell asleep halfway through the meal.

"I guess we're stuck here for a while." Olivia said.

"I could think of worse things." Elliot said. He spread out on the opposite side of the blanket, and crossed his arms behind his head. He had been awake for a large portion of the past two nights, and he felt as if he could nod off himself. He glanced over at Olivia as she packed up the picnic items and restowed them in the bottom of the stroller. She checked on Noah, making sure his little body was in the shade.

Olivia moved over and sat down next to where Elliot was laying.

"Lay down with me." Elliot said, patting the empty spot on the blanket next to him.

Olivia looked around, feeling a little self-conscious. She wasn't big on public displays of affection. But she saw lots of people picnicking, napping, walking hand-in-hand. Kids were running around the expansive lawn, enjoying their freedom on this beautiful spring day. Olivia lay down next to Elliot, and he slipped his hand into hers.

They were both quiet as they stared up at the blue sky through the leafy branches of the tree they they'd settled beneath. The dappled sunlight cast a pattern on them, but it blocked out enough light so they weren't blinded by the sun.

"This is an absolutely perfect day." Olivia said softly. New York City…the squad…the criminals on the street…that all seemed so far away. As if it was part of a different life. "I can't believe how much a few days here has changed my life." She heard the surprise in her own voice. "When we boarded the plane, I never imagined…" She searched for the word. "Well…this." She squeezed Elliot's hand.

Elliot released her hand, and rolled over on his side. He looked down at her and brushed her hair back from her face. "We keep saying this. What exactly is this?"

Olivia furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…are you my girlfriend? Or?"

"Girlfriend?" Olivia laughed. "Aren't we a little old for that?"

"Maybe you're right." Elliot said. He leaned over and kissed her. When he pulled back, he kept his eyes trained on hers. "How about…husband and wife?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed slightly; she didn't trust what she'd just heard. "Wh..hat?" She stuttered out.

"You heard me."

"I…" She was speechless. She pushed herself up until she was sitting next to him, and Elliot sat back to give her a little space. "El…"

"Surely you've thought about it…" Elliot said.

Of course she had, but in some abstract way. Not as something real…not as something that could actually happen. "But we just…I mean..." They had just kissed for the first time a few days ago; had just made love...

"Olivia." Elliot said. "Marry me."

"That's crazy." She whispered. But even as she said the words, she felt a thrill run through her at the prospect.

"What's crazy about it?" Elliot asked earnestly. "We've known each other for 18 years, and I've loved you for most of them. I've never been happier than I am right now…being here, with you. There's no place else I want to be." He fumbled in his pocket, and pulled out a simple silver band. He pushed himself up so he was on one knee, and he took her hand in his. "Olivia Benson, will you marry me?"

Olivia looked at the band he was holding in his hand, and her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She looked up at Elliot…at the man she'd loved for as long as she could remember…and caught the deep blue of his eyes. "I can't believe this is happening." She whispered, more to herself than to Elliot.

"Take mercy on me Liv. I can't stay on my knee forever." He broke into a grin. "Say yes."

"Yes." Olivia said breathlessly, and she watched as Elliot slid the silver band on her finger.

"We'll go pick out something you like." Elliot said quickly. "I just wanted to have something…"

"Shhh." Olivia said, leaning in and stealing a kiss. "It's perfect."

Elliot pushed her down on the blanket, and Olivia laughed. He thought his heart may burst…he was so happy right now. He captured her lips again, and he didn't care who was watching them. A few moments later, he felt Olivia pushing at his chest with her hands, and he broke the kiss.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, and she couldn't stop smiling. She saw the grin on his face, and she narrowed her eyes slightly. "You knew I was going to say yes, didn't you?"

"What was it that Casey always said?" Elliot asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Never ask a question you don't know the answer to."

"Exactly." Elliot took her hand in his, playing with the silver band. "Let's just say, I liked my chances."


	13. Chapter 13

Olivia wrestled Noah into his pajamas. They had rounded out their day by touring Maria Antoinette's home, the Petit Trianon, and chased Noah around the extensive grounds for what seemed like hours. They had found a small restaurant near Versailles, and managed a small meal before Noah's exhaustion blossomed into a crying jag and they hurried off to the train. Olivia was thankful for Elliot; he managed to get Noah to settle down on the train, and the little boy had fallen asleep. Which is why she was struggling to get him out of his clothes and ready for bed. She was finally able to tuck him under the covers, and he barely moved, already falling into a deeper sleep.

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the silver band on her finger. It was so foreign to her, and she had found herself toying with it all afternoon. She had tried not to dwell on it and to keep herself grounded in Versailles; she would probably never be here again. But her mind kept wandering back to Elliot's proposal. It was thrown out there so casually, but she knew it had been anything but. She wondered how long he'd been thinking about it.

She had been honest with Elliot when she had told him that she really hadn't thought about sleeping with him here in Paris. Of course, she'd thought about having sex with him hundreds (thousands?) of times, but she hadn't planned on anything changing for them in Paris. At least not consciously.

She wondered if he'd brought this ring with him.

A smile crept across her face.

She was _engaged_.

To _Elliot_.

Ten years ago, she had held out hope that maybe someday…

But she had refused to let herself think about it ever again the moment Elliot told her Kathy was pregnant.

And yet here she was.

She was _engaged_.

To _Elliot_.

"Hey."

Olivia looked up when she heard Elliot's whisper, and she saw him peeking around the edge of the door. "Hey." She said quietly, as she stood up from the edge of the bed.

"You're coming back out, right?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm just going to change quickly."

Elliot grinned. "Am I going to see that white nightgown?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "Sorry."

Elliot chuckled. "I'll meet you out on the balcony."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot waited somewhat impatiently for Olivia to emerge. He always loved having Noah with them, but ever since Olivia had accepted his proposal, he'd been looking forward to having some time alone with her.

He couldn't believe he had proposed to her, but it had just seemed like the right time. He'd been carrying the ring around for two days, trying to figure out how to ask her. If he should even ask her. And then it had just popped out.

It was probably better that way.

It was even more difficult to believe that she had said yes. _Without hesitation_.

Apparently, Olivia Benson still had a few surprises up her sleeve.

Elliot glanced over at the bedroom door, wondering what was taking so long. He let out an impatient sigh, and pulled a beer from the refrigerator. He had just taken a swig when he saw the door open. He didn't know why, but he quickly set the beer down and straightened up as she walked out. He gave her a lopsided grin. She was wearing a pair of faded, ripped jeans and a black tank top and he noticed her bare feet and her red toenails as she crossed the room towards him.

"Hey." He said, turning to face her as she leaned her right hip against the counter.

"Hey." Olivia picked up Elliot's beer and took a long drink. She held the bottle in her hand, and she saw Elliot's eye fall to her ring. She couldn't tell what was on his mind, and she didn't know how to bring up the proposal, much less everything that had happened that day.

Elliot beat her to the punch.

"It's been quite a day." He said, his eyes focused on hers.

"Rethinking your decision?" Olivia asked.

Elliot felt a moment of panic at her question, but he knew she was doing what came naturally. If you don't expect too much, you'll never be disappointed. He grinned. "You're not getting out of it now." He said, taking a step closer to her and tangling his fingers in her left hand. He brought their hands to his mouth and kissed the top of her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. "You already said yes."

Olivia relaxed when she heard the tease in his voice, unsure of why she was nervous in the first place. She lifted her chin a little, and raised her left eyebrow. She made a show of seeming disinterested, wanting to toy with him a little. "Well, it must have been temporary insanity." She tried to bite back her smile. "You know I never make any important decisions that quickly."

Now it was Elliot's turn to raise his eyebrows. "Quickly?" He dropped her hand and crowded her body, grasping her hips and turning her body so was pressed up against the counter. "Woman…I've been thinking about this for…" Elliot shook his head. "I don't even know how long."

"You planned on proposing while we were here?" She asked, surprised at his remark.

"It wasn't that well planned." He said, smiling as he mimicked the line she had used the night before.

"Then what? You just carry a ring around? Just in case you run into someone you want to marry?"

Elliot leaned back slightly, and used his hand to lift her chin, forcing Olivia to look right at him. "I bought it on the day Noah and I went out. I just saw it in the window…and I could sense…" He took a breath. "Things were changing between us. I just…something compelled me to buy it." Elliot looked back and forth between her eyes. "I know it wasn't a very romantic proposal and I don't know what you'd like for a ring. I know you don't like anything flashy…" He was rambling now and he knew it, but she wasn't saying anything.

Olivia lifted her hand and grasped the one that was holding her chin. "El…" She brought their clasped hands and held it over her heart. "I don't care about the ring or how you proposed. You know me, and you know that."

"I just imagined that if I ever had the chance, it would be some wonderfully romantic proposal. I would take you to some beautiful place and I would say all the right things." He let out a sigh. "And here we are in Paris and I blew my chance."

Olivia smiled. "El…" She squeezed their clasped hands. "Look at everything that's happened since we've been here. I don't know what it is about this city…or maybe it's just because we're away from home…but this has been the most amazing week of my life. I'll never forget this, and I'll never forget your proposal. It was from the heart, and you surprised the hell out of me. That's hard to do. If you would have made this big scene, I may have guessed, so this was so much better. So please stop beating yourself up. For us, this was perfect." She pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him.

Elliot pulled his hand from hers, and grasped Olivia around the waist. He heard her exclamation of surprise when he lifted her up on to the counter. He looked up at her as he settled himself between her legs. He placed one hand on either side of the counter, next to her thighs. "After all these years, I finally got it right, huh?"

"I guess you could say that." Olivia laughed, placing her hands on his shoulders. "But don't let it go to your head."

"Too late." Elliot grinned at her. He rested his hands on her hips and slid her body closer to the edge of the counter, so she was nestled up against his. He tangled one hand in her hand, and tilted her head back slightly, grasping her lower lip with his. He covered her mouth with his, and kissed her deeply. When he released her mouth, he looked back down at her. "So the only thing left now if for you to decide when."

"When what?"

"When you want to make it official." He kissed her. "When you want to officially be Mrs. Elliot Stabler."

Olivia put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back slightly.

"What?" Elliot asked, sensing a shift in the mood.

"Nothing." Olivia said, but even she could hear the edge in her voice. She gave him a small smile. "I guess…the way you said that…it just seemed so…" She didn't know what she was trying to say. "So _real_." She saw the concerned look on Elliot's face. "I'm not changing my mind." She ran her hands down his arms. "I just hadn't thought about it like that. I mean… _Mrs. Elliot Stabler_? It sounds so strange."

"Sounds good to me."

"Olivia Stabler." She tried the name out; it felt strange on her lips. Olivia laughed. "I don't know. I've been Olivia Benson for so long."

Elliot slid his hands up to Olivia's waist. "I'll change my name to Elliot Benson if that what it takes."

"I'd like to see that." Olivia said with a small laugh. She knew Elliot was a traditionalist, and that he'd probably balk at her keeping her name. But that was a conversation for a different day. "But we don't have to figure it out today."

"You're right. The only thing we need to decide is when." He slid his hands from her waist to her hips, and squeezed lightly. "How about tomorrow?"

Olivia laughed softly.

"I'm serious." Elliot said. "I've waited so long. I just want to be married to you." He said earnestly.

Olivia placed the palm of her right hand on Elliot's cheek. "This is all happening so fast." She said, looking back and forth between his eyes. "Like you said, a lot has happened in the last two days and I'm still trying to catch up." She leaned in and kissed him very gently. "Just give me a little time to absorb this, ok?"

Elliot felt a little disappointment, but he knew she was right. She was wearing his ring…he knew he didn't need to worry that she was going to disappear on him. "OK. I'll be patient."

"I know patience isn't one of your strengths…" Olivia wrapped her legs around his hips. "But I had actually been hoping for a long..." She trailed her hand down to his chest, flattening her palm against him. "Passionate…" She grasped his bottom lip between hers, and bit down lightly. "Engagement."

Elliot's voice dropped a full octave. "I love the way you think."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia felt Elliot stirring beneath her, and she lifted her head from his bare chest. "Where are you going?" She mumbled, her voice groggy from sleep.

"Bathroom." Elliot said. He hadn't wanted to wake her, but he had waited as long as he could.

Olivia groaned and rolled back slightly so he could slip out from beneath her. She opened her eyes as he walked towards the door, and smiled when she saw his naked form. There was enough light in the room for her to get a good look at his ass...and the rest of his body. The way his muscles moved beneath his skin…the man's body was a work of art. She couldn't tear her eyes away. Even though they'd made love just a few hours before, it had still been in relative darkness because the moon had been lower in the sky. Olivia had been fine with that. Despite the fact that Elliot had seen her scars that morning, she had still felt a little self-conscious. Elliot seemed to sense it, despite her initial bravado, and he had been gentle with her. She knew he had expected a little more bravado on her part, since she'd been the one to initiate things in the kitchen; she had too. But he was attuned to her cues, and had adjusted accordingly. Olivia could tell he was holding back, and he had let her lead. But it had been good; she hadn't suffered any flashbacks or had a panic attack.

Olivia closed her eyes, remembering how Elliot had moved over her body and how it felt as he slid deep inside of her, and she felt a thrum low in her belly. She ran her hand over her breasts, and then farther down over her abdomen. It was the first time in a long time that she felt true desire without a thread of fear or anxiety.

Elliot poured himself a glass of water, and drank the entire thing. He set the glass down on the counter, and then braced his arms against the edge of the counter, and dropped his head between them. He loved Olivia, and making love to her was incredible, but he was a bundle of anxiety. He had always imagined sex between them would be wild…untamed. But that was another lifetime ago, and now he just worried about hurting her or pushing her too hard.

 _Patience is a virtue._

He had to keep reminding himself that he had more now than he ever could have imagined.

Elliot pushed himself off the counter, and walked quietly back into the bedroom. He could see that Olivia was lying on her stomach, and her eyes were closed. His eyes trailed over her bare back and the curve of her ass, and then continued down her legs. She looked so beautiful lying there and he felt a familiar ache. He closed his eyes, and told himself to calm down; he wasn't going to maul her in her sleep.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Olivia was staring at him, and he realized she had been awake the entire time. As he hesitated, she rolled over on her side, sliding one leg slightly in front of the other, hiding herself from him. Her eyes were trained on his, but then he saw them slide down his body, and he felt his body flush at her heated stare.

Olivia slid her eyes appreciatively over Elliot's body, and she knew he was surprised by her open appraisal of him. She could see his body flush, and his reaction to her was evident. It was the first time she'd really seen all of him, and he was absolutely beautiful. It was as if his body was carved from granite, but showed the signs of a life lived…the tattoos and scars told a story. And she had been a part of that story. It all seemed so long ago. She held out her arm. "Come here." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Elliot walked over towards the bed, and he watched as Olivia pushed herself up on her knees. When he reached her, Olivia's hands landed on his chest. He tried to keep his hips away from her so that his erection wasn't poking her in the stomach. It was all he could do to keep his hands to himself as her hands traced over the muscles in his chest…danced lightly over the knife scars…and fingered the marks left by bullets. "Liv." He said, his voice deep and laced with desire.

Olivia lifted her eyes to his, and a small smile played across her mouth. "It's my turn now." She said, and her eyes dropped back to his chest. She flattened her palms against his chest, and slid them down his body. Her eyes followed the trail her hands had taken, but she paused when she reached the deep muscles low on his hips. Her heart was racing; it was practically beating out of her chest. Want was circling through her body but she was still unsure of herself. She could see the length of him in her peripheral vision, and there was a throbbing between her legs. Apparently, her body was way ahead of her mind.

Elliot's breathing was heavy. He wanted her to touch him, but he could see the uncertainty on her face. Her eyes seemed to be trained on her hands, and she hadn't moved in almost a minute. He couldn't take it anymore. He had wanted to give her time, but his body was on fire. Elliot wrapped his fingers around her upper arms, and he heard a small gasp from her. She had been so focused that he had surprised her. He smoothed one hand across her cheek and then slid his fingers around the side of her head, causing her to look back up at him. Elliot seized her lips with his, and Olivia opened her mouth to him right away. He kissed her deeply, their tongues tangling, and he felt his dick twitch when she moaned into his mouth.

The next thing he knew, she had wrapped her fingers around his length, and he ripped his mouth from hers, letting out a long groan as his forehead dropped near her ear. "Christ." He rasped out, and his fingers dug into her upper arm. She was stroking him now and it was taking all his self-control not to thrust himself into her hand. He buried his mouth against her neck, and he pushed his lips into her skin…sucking and nipping at the skin there.

He was starting to lose control. God, her hand on him felt so good. He could feel the pressure building, and he knew he was going to lose it if she didn't stop right this second…but…

"Fuck!" he said between clenched teeth, and his hand grasped hers, forcing her to stop. "Just…" He needed her to stay still. "Fuck." He was glad she seemed to understand, because she didn't move. A full minute had passed before he felt like he had control, and he lifted his hand, taking hers with it.

He crashed his mouth back on hers as he wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her body against his. His erection was pressed between them, and he slipped one hand down to her ass, making sure there wasn't any space between them.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck, and she kissed him without abandon…really letting herself go. Listening to her body and not her mind. She felt Elliot pushing her backwards, and then he was lowering her gently on to the bed. It was seconds before she felt him push her legs apart with his knee, but she held his mouth against hers.

Her body jumped slightly as she felt Elliot's fingers trail over her wetness, and she arched her back, letting him know that she wanted him to touch her. He didn't hesitate, sliding his fingers through her slick folds, and then teasing her entrance.

Elliot wretched his mouth from hers, and he heard her breath coming in short gasps as he teased her clit. "Liv…" He grunted.

"I want you." Olivia whispered, lifting her hips off the bed. "Don't hold back."

Elliot wanted to slow down, but he was aching with need. He wondered if he'd ever be able to take his time with her, or if it would always be this driving, aching need to be inside of her. He captured her lips again, and pushed into her slightly. He felt Olivia gasp against his mouth, and he tried to pull back, but Olivia wrapped her legs around him and lifted her hips, silently urging him on.

Olivia broke the kiss as Elliot filled in. She was grabbing the sheets in her hands, and the moans were tumbling out of her mouth, one after the other, as Elliot filled her. He slid almost all the way out of her, and she felt an immediate sense of loss, but then Olivia let out a loud gasp as he pounded back into her. Her eyes slammed shut and she threw her head back as he fucked into her again and again. She felt his hand on her inner thigh, and he was pushing her leg out, going impossibly deeper. He didn't relent, setting up a punishing rhythm, and she knew she'd never had sex like this before. She didn't know if it was the way their bodies fit so perfectly together or the emotion at the root of it, but suddenly she didn't know where her body ended and his began.

Elliot was swearing now…small gasps intermingled with pleas to God and a few, choice swear words…but he only heard moans from Olivia. He was barely keeping control, but he knew Olivia was close. Her muscles were tightening around him, and he could feel the trembling in her body. He slid a hand down between their bodies. He swiped his finger over her hard nub and her body jolted. He did it a few more times, and then he felt her entire body tense, as her orgasm overtook her. Olivia was clawing at his back, but he didn't stop, and seconds later he was emptying himself inside of her.

When he was spent, Elliot collapsed against her. He could feel her heart beating against his, and he could hear her trying to catch her breath. He leaned slightly to the side, trying to take some of his weight off her, and he buried his head in her shoulder.

"Don't leave me." Olivia whispered. She wanted to feel him inside of her, over her, on her. She slid her hands beneath his arms, and slid them down his lower back. "I've never felt like this…" Olivia didn't know how to make him understand what she was feeling right now.

Elliot pushed himself up slightly so he could look in her eyes. He brushed her hair away from her face. "I know. I feel it too."

"I don't ever want this feeling to end." It was more than sex; it was the sense of being whole…of being complete. Of feeling safe…grounded…a part of something bigger than herself.

"I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure it doesn't."


	14. Chapter 14

It was another beautiful spring day, and the took their time walking to the Luxembourg Gardens. Noah wanted to stop at every small shop along the way, suddenly interested in every flower, vegetable, loaf of bread and fruit he saw along the way.

Elliot watched Olivia with Noah, and he could see how happy she was. She was incredibly patient with him, and he was proud of the mother she'd become. He always knew she'd be a great mom, and he wished it wasn't too late for them to have a baby of their own. He would have loved to have a baby with her…a little girl that looked just like Olivia.

It wasn't meant to be.

He loved being part of Noah's life though, and if Olivia let him, he would adopt the little boy as his own. It made him think about his kids at home, and he felt a twinge of guilt that he hadn't been in touch with them since he'd left New York. They had their own lives of course…they were all adults except for Eli…and most of the time he was lucky to catch a few minutes with them. But he was _engaged_. And he hadn't even told them.

They hadn't told anyone.

"Hey Liv." Elliot said, as he caught up with Olivia and Noah.

Olivia smiled up at him from where she was crouched down with Noah. He was currently smelling every flower in a small stand on the sidewalk. "Yeah?"

"Have you told anyone about our engagement?" He asked.

"Who would I tell?" Olivia asked. She gave him a strange look as she turned her attention back to Noah.

"I don't know. You still talk to Casey and Alex. Cragen?"

"You've been with me almost every second of the day…" She looked back up at him. "And night…since we've gotten engaged. When would I have called anyone?" She stood up. "Why are you asking?" She wasn't quite sure what he was trying to say. "Changing your mind?"

"I told you that you're not getting out of this." He said. "So stop trying."

Olivia laughed as she stood up, and Elliot scooped Noah into his arms. "I'm not!" They started walking down the sidewalk again.

"I was watching you with Noah, and it just made me think about my kids. I haven't even told them that we're engaged."

"Oh." Olivia said softly. She hadn't really thought about any of that. New York seemed so far away. "I didn't even think about that. I mean, of course you have to tell them but…" She opened her mouth and closed it again.

"But what?" He was confused by her comment.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders slightly. "But nothing." She glanced over at him. "I was just wondering how you think they're going to react."

Elliot smiled back at her. "They are going to be thrilled." In reality, he wasn't quite sure. His kids had always been polite to Olivia, and Kathleen seemed to like her, but he felt that maybe they blamed Olivia for the breakup of their parents. Elliot saw the look on Olivia's face. "OK. Honestly, I'm not sure. The kids always liked you but for a while, I think they weren't sure…" He paused; he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her what he thought.

"They thought we were having an affair." She finished his sentence. She knew he couldn't deny it; she remembered the day in interrogation with Dick. Elliot was there too.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know what they think about that anymore."

"And Kathy?" Olivia asked as she stopped on the sidewalk.

"We're not married anymore." Elliot said as he stopped. He turned to look at her. "She doesn't have a say anymore."

"Did she think we were having an affair?" Olivia asked. It was a question she'd wanted to ask for years, even though she wasn't sure she could handle the answer. She'd always felt a small stab of guilt about the difficulties they'd gone through.

Elliot pressed his lips together, remembering the accusations and the arguments. "I told her we weren't..."

"Weren't we?" Olivia asked, looking into his eyes.

Elliot furrowed his brows.

Olivia put her hand on his forearm. "We were close. Co-dependent. We were involved…in every way except sexually." She squeezed his arm. "And we told ourselves it wasn't cheating."

"You're not responsible for the break-up of our marriage." Elliot said vehemently.

"You can't be sure of that." Olivia said. It wasn't an argument. It was a statement of fact. And there was no way they'd ever know, but she'd made her peace with it.

"But…"

"The only way you could ever be sure is if we'd never met." She squeezed his arm. "And as much as I don't want to think that I may be partially to blame, I can't find it inside myself to feel badly about how things ended up." She may have met someone…she may have had a family…but she couldn't imagine feeling the same way about any other man. "I feel like it always had to be you."

Elliot felt the same way. "You're right. We'll never know. But Kathy will be ok. She's got a serious boyfriend. And the kids will be fine too. They want us both to be happy." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "And for the record…I'm happy."

EOEOEOEOEO

The three of them spent the afternoon in the Luxembourg gardens. Everything was blooming, and the garden was resplendent with color. The gardens were a lot larger than Olivia thought, and they wandered through and played with Noah until lunch. They found a shady spot for lunch, and lucked out when a young violin player set up shop a few yards away and played a classical concert, collecting money in her violin case.

Noah fell asleep with his head resting in Olivia's lap, lulled by the warm weather, all the activity, and the soothing music. Elliot toyed with the laces of his sneakers as they sat in silence, taking in the day. "I wanted to ask you…" He nodded towards Noah as Olivia turned to look at him. "When we're married. Have you thought at all about Noah?"

"Noah loves you. I don't think he'll object." Olivia said with a smile on her face.

"Very funny." Elliot said. "But seriously." He looked down at Noah and then back up at Olivia. "I'd like you to think about letting me adopt him."

"You want to adopt him?" She hadn't really thought about it when they got engaged, and it caught her by surprise.

"Well, yes." Elliot said. "We're going to be married, and I'm going to help raise him and I'd like to be his father on paper too."

Olivia didn't know why she hesitated, but the thought that ran through her head was that Noah was hers. He had come into her life at a time when she desperately needed something…and as she had told Elliot before…he had saved her. She didn't know if she'd be where she was today if he hadn't come into her life and given her a purpose…something outside of the job.

They'd been on their own for a couple of years now and they had done just fine. She had wanted a male figure in Noah's life, but adoption…it just seemed like she was giving another little piece of her away somehow. And God forbid, what if things didn't work out between them? Would she be sharing custody of her son?

Elliot was confused by her reaction, or rather, her lack of one. He thought she'd be thrilled, but she wasn't saying anything. He didn't understand…he wanted to be a complete family. "Is there a reason you don't want me to adopt him?"

Olivia looked over at Elliot, and she saw the pain on his face. "No." She shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I don't know. I just hadn't thought about it." She realized she was being ridiculous. A family was one thing she'd always wanted, and now Elliot was offering that. It was insane to think things wouldn't work out between them. If they had survived the past 18 years, they could survive anything. Maybe it was just a natural defense mechanism. She hadn't exactly had a winning track record when it came to relationships.

"Well, clearly there's something that makes you think it's not a good idea." He was a little pissed right now. He hated to ruin this beautiful day, but the fact that she really had to think this through made him angry.

"I didn't say it wasn't a good idea." Olivia said. "It's wonderful of you to offer…"

"Offer?" Elliot shook his head. "Christ Liv. We're getting married. I love Noah. I want him to be my son too."

"But what happens if…" She bit down on her lip; she couldn't believe she had been ready to say the words.

"If what?" Elliot asked incredulously. He knew now what was on her mind, but part of him wanted to make her say it. But she sat there and stared at him, and he knew it. "If things don't work out? If we end up divorced?"

Olivia still didn't say anything. She knew it was stupid, but she couldn't deny the thought had crossed her mind.

"Seriously?" Elliot said, the sound of his voice escalating slightly. "Is that what you're thinking going into this? That you'll give it a try but you doubt it'll work out?"

"No!" Olivia said sharply. "Of course not." That hadn't been on her mind at all when it came to his proposal. It had just popped in her mind now, when he'd brought up adoption. She saw Elliot look away, and he even distanced himself a little with his body. He was obviously trying to calm down, and she felt horrible. She reached out with her hand, but he flinched and pulled his arm away. "I don't know why I reacted the way I did. All these changes…I'm just trying to get used to this. And honestly, I hadn't even thought about it." She had already told him that she needed time to adjust; and things just kept piling on. "Of course, you'll be Noah's father. And it makes sense that you'd adopt him."

"Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. I got your answer." Elliot stood up. "I'm just going to go for a walk."

"El. I'm sorry." Olivia said. She couldn't move without potentially waking Noah. "I wasn't thinking clearly…"

But he was already out of earshot.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was really starting to worry when an hour had passed with no sign of Elliot. Noah was up from his nap, and he was tugging at her to go see the puppet show that was setting up across from them. She was trying to gather up their things and keep Noah with her, but with her emotions threatening to spill over, she was struggling to do it without snapping at him. She finally managed to get him to agree to sit in the stroller, and she picked her way over to the gathering of people in front of the show.

She stood at the periphery, and she saw all the children were sitting on the ground in front of puppet cart, while the parents stood, creating an inescapable ring around them. Noah tugged at the seat belt restraining him, but Olivia told him to stay put and watch the show.

"I'm sure he'll be okay if you let him sit with the other kids."

Olivia turned and saw a man standing next to her. He smiled, and pointed at a young girl of perhaps 6 that was sitting near the front.

"He can sit with Colette."

Olivia's eyes narrowed slightly, about to decline, when she realized she was being overly paranoid. Her job made her that way, and she had to let some of that go, or keep Noah locked in his room forever. Noah couldn't go anywhere, and no one could get to him faster than she could.

"That would be great." She said with a smile. The man called to his daughter in French and then pointed to Noah, and the young girl nodded. As soon as Noah was free from the stroller, Colette called to him and patted the seat next to her, and Olivia led him halfway there. She watched him as he settled next to the girl, and she watched for a moment, but he seemed fine. He was focused on the impending show.

Olivia wound her way back to where she'd left her stroller and her things, realizing she'd been stupid to leave it unattended. But everything was there, and Colette's father was still standing in the same place. He smiled at her as she resumed her spot next to him, and she gave him a small smile as she turned her attention back to Noah. She glanced around the crowd, keeping an eye out for Elliot, but she didn't see him.

At that moment, the doors to the wagon opened, some music started playing, and the show began.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had walked longer than he had planned, but he hadn't wanted to go back until he'd had a chance to cool down. He had worked hard to manage his anger over the past several years, but for some reason, this had really set him off. Maybe because he kind of expected something like this from her; things had been too easy so far.

It seemed that fear and uncertainty were rearing their ugly heads. On her part, not his.

He hoped he was wrong.

He had stewed on it during his walk, and finally decided he was getting nowhere by guessing what she was thinking. They'd spent too many years misreading each other. They needed to talk. And now that he had calmed down, they could.

He made it back to the grassy spot where he'd left Olivia and Noah, and was surprised when he saw they were gone. He could imagine Olivia being ticked off when he'd left, but he didn't think she would have woken Noah and left. He looked at his watch and saw it had been over an hour; maybe they had left. He scanned this portion of the park, and then turned around in place. He spotted Olivia then…standing in a semi-circle with a bunch of other people. The moment he saw her, she happened to turn to the man next to her, and he saw that he was talking to her. He narrowed his eyes as he watched her, and then he saw her smile and say something back.

He ground his jaw together. He wasn't surprised to see a man talking to her; if he saw her in a crowd he would undoubtedly chat her up. No, what bothered him was that she didn't seem upset or bothered by their argument (or lack thereof) at all. He had walked off, obviously angry, and there she was, enjoying the afternoon as if nothing had happened.

Then he saw her turn back towards the show, and he tried to be rational. She was undoubtedly just being nice…polite.

But two seconds later, the man leaned in and said something to her. He expected her to ignore him, but then to his surprise, he saw her throw her head back slightly and he heard her laughter carried on the breeze.

 _Unbelievable._

His anger spiked again, despite his best efforts to squash it. He wanted to walk over to her and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing, but he knew he wouldn't. He waited a few more minutes, to see if she'd even looking for him, but her attention was focused on the show in front of her and the man to her right.

Elliot shook his head, and started back towards the apartment. Apparently, she didn't need him, so she could get back on her own.

Maybe she never needed him; she had proven it in the years since he'd left.

Maybe Paris had just cast a spell on her; on both of them. Made them think they had something they didn't.

He glanced back at her once last time as he left the park, but she was just a speck in the crowd. He stopped, and thought maybe he should go back. He was blowing this all out of proportion; they needed to talk.

But his anger and pride won out, and he turned back and left the park.

AN: Sorry readers. You know there's always a little angst in all my stories! Stay tuned.


	15. Chapter 15

The puppet show had ended. Olivia thanked Colette for sitting with Noah, and she said goodbye to Colette's father, Paul. The crowd had dispersed, but she still didn't see Elliot anywhere. She wasn't exactly certain what time he took off, but it had to have been at least 90 minutes ago. She couldn't believe he had simply left her in the park, but it certainly seemed that way.

Noah wanted to play some more; he was still full of energy. Olivia agreed, mostly because she still held out hope that Elliot would show up. She chased Noah, and laughed when he chased her, but it was half-hearted on her part. Elliot was on her mind the entire time, and the more time that passed, the more worried she became.

What if he left? _Really_ left?

As in, packed up his bags and went back to New York City.

Certainly, he wouldn't overreact that much; he'd made such a point of making sure they talked through things.

It hadn't even been an argument.

Maybe she hadn't handled it well, but he never even tried to understand her point of view.

He had made huge assumptions about her feelings…her intentions…based on one moment of hesitation. It made her angry, but at the root of everything was fear.

She had finally gotten everything she wanted…and she was happy. She thought she felt secure in her new relationship with Elliot, even before Paris and the engagement. But she knew there was a thread of uncertainty. Maybe there was a part of her that thought it seemed too good to be true. Things didn't usually work out for her. It hadn't been a conscious thought…until now.

Maybe she was unwittingly sabotaging this entire thing.

She had to fix this. Before it was too late.

"Noah. Climb in the stroller honey so we can get going."

"No." Noah said, sticking out his bottom lip. "I wanna walk."

Olivia sighed. It was a long walk back. She didn't think she could push the stroller and carry the heavy bag laden with stuff for the day AND try to keep Noah at her side. "C'mon Noah. Just be a good boy and ride in the stroller."

Noah shook his head and turned, but Olivia saw his intention, and she snagged him around the waist before he could get away from her.

"Don't run away from me." She said sternly. "I don't want to lose you." She tried to soften her tone, and she gave him a kiss on the forehead. But Noah wasn't having any of it; he obviously wasn't in the mood to be held. He kicked his legs, nailing her hard in the thigh, and Olivia winced.

"OK." She said. She set Noah down on the ground, and wrapped her hand firmly around his little one. "Hold on a second." She knew she needed to distract him, so she dug in her bag and pulled out two of his small toy cars. "How about if you sit here and play with your cars for a minute?"

Noah gave her a skeptical look, but a moment later, he plopped down on the ground near her feet and started crashing the cars into each other. She knew she'd probably only bought herself a few minutes, so she had to figure out the plan. Walking was probably not going to work, and the metro would be equally as difficult. A cab was really her only option. She had no idea how much it would cost, but at this point, it didn't really matter. She had to get back to the apartment.

Olivia felt in her pocket for her cash, and pulled it out. To her dismay, she found she only had ten Euros. She hadn't brought a wallet with her. Elliot had his and they had so much stuff that she hadn't wanted to bring any unnecessary things.

No cash. No credit cards. No phone.

She hadn't expected to need any of those things.

 _Damn it!_

Her frustration was increasing by the minute. Then another terrible thought occurred to her, and she fished around in the bag until she found what she was looking for. The extra key to the apartment. Thank God, they had tucked it in there…just in case they lost the one Elliot was carrying around.

 _Goddamn Elliot_.

How dare he just leave her here.

If they ever did make up, she was going to kill him.

EOEOEOEO

When Olivia reached the apartment building, she was at her wits end. It was only about 5 kilometers, but it had taken them over two hours to get there. She had managed to fit her bag in the stroller, but navigating through all the other people on the sidewalk with one hand and holding on to Noah with the other proved to be difficult. And she loved Noah's curiosity, but they must have made twenty stops along the way to check out bugs or flowers or rocks along the way. She had taken a break about halfway to get them something to eat, and that distracted him so she could at least let go of his little hand. She hadn't been able to convince him to ride in the stroller for even a block, so she hoped that he'd be ready for bed early tonight.

She checked her watch and saw it was after 6, and she wondered if Elliot was concerned at all about her whereabouts. It was going to be hard to keep her cool when she saw him, but she knew they had to wait to talk until Noah was in bed.

The small elevator was crammed with the two of them and the stroller, but they finally made it to their floor. Olivia reached for the door handle, but the door was locked. She knocked on the door, and Noah followed her with his own knocks. She stopped but he kept going, and Olivia hoped his knocking was annoying Elliot. But after a minute, she realized that he wasn't answering. Maybe he wasn't there.

Maybe he really _had_ left.

She felt her heart hammering in her chest as she fished for the keys in her bag. She snagged them and unlocked the door. She ushered Noah inside, and pushed the stroller into the entryway. As she closed the door behind her, she knew the apartment was empty. She dropped the keys on the counter and rushed into Elliot's room.

She let out a sigh of relief to see his things still strewn around the room. He was still there. He hadn't been back. And most importantly, he hadn't packed his things and gone.

But if he wasn't here, then where the hell was he?

EOEOEO

Olivia tried to keep herself busy by unpacking their things from the day, giving Noah a bath, and reading to him before she tucked him in bed. But it hadn't worked very well, and she found herself somewhat agitated as she closed the bedroom door after Noah started to drift off. It was only 730, and this was going to be a long night, because now, she didn't have anything to distract herself.

She had grabbed some leggings, a t-shirt and a soft gray cardigan, so she could change. But a nice long, hot shower would be good right now. She needed to wash away the grime of the day and clear her head. She did some of her best thinking in the shower.

Olivia padded into the kitchen, and grabbed one of the bottles of red wine they had picked up a few days earlier. The corkscrew was lying next to it, and a few minutes later, she had a glass in her hand as she headed towards the bathroom.

It took the water a little time to get hot, and Olivia realized she had finished her glass of wine. She rushed back out to the kitchen and refilled it quickly, and by the time she got back, the water was perfect. She let the hot water sluice over her body as she rehashed everything that had happened that day. Everything that had happened since they got to Paris. Everything that had happened since Elliot magically reappeared in her life. And everything that had happened since the day she'd walked into the 16th precinct. She stood with her head braced against the wall and her head bowed as thousands of memories assaulted her, and she knew that tears were mingling with the water streaming from the showerhead.

She felt herself slide down in the tub, until her back was against the cold tub wall and she wrapped her arms around her knees as she drew them up to her chest. The water wasn't hot any longer…it was barely lukewarm…but she couldn't seem to move.

Elliot had told her that this was meant to be…inevitable.

Looking back, she couldn't disagree.

But she had to let go of the past. She thought she had...but today had proven that maybe she hadn't. She had to trust him-100%.

And she had to convince him that she did.

But if there was one thing she had learned over the years, it was that you can't control what other people do.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot felt as if he had walked for fifty miles. With all the wandering he did, maybe he had. Hunger and exhaustion had won out, and he had landed at a brasserie. He had no idea where in the city he was, but it didn't really matter. He had a cold beer in his hand and a sandwich on the plate in front of him, and that was enough right now. The sidewalks were crowded with people, and he found himself wondering about their lives. Were they coming from work? A date? Or something else? Was the couple that walked by with hands clasped married? Had they argued today? Or made love this morning before they left for the day?

It was odd to him that people just rushed around, with no connection to anyone else around them…no connection to him. They had no idea that his heart was hurting…that he was trying in vain to keep thoughts of her from his mind…and failing miserably.

Elliot replayed the day in his mind, and their discussion about Noah. He knew he had surprised her; she had said as much. Her hesitancy shouldn't have surprised him, and he tried to dissect the source of his anger.

It didn't take long; he already knew the answer. It was because things had been going too well. Everything that had happened this week had been too easy. The Olivia he knew pushed back…ran when things go to be too much…didn't believe she deserved to be happy.

He had been waiting for it…expecting her to find some way to drive a wedge between them.

She had told him that she had changed. But did people really change that much?

Elliot finished his beer.

The waiter delivered its replacement, and he took the chance to order some food, trying to put Olivia out of his mind. If he thought about it anymore, he was going to go crazy. He knew they had to talk, but he still felt angry, and he didn't think he'd be able to keep his cool if he saw her right now.

No, best to have something to eat. Cool off. And head back to the apartment when he felt like he could be calm and rational.

He felt a small stab of guilt at leaving Olivia and Noah at Luxembourg Gardens, and he wondered if they'd made it back to the apartment by now. He pulled out his phone to see if he had any calls or texts, but he didn't. He opened his messages, debating about sending her a message, just to see if she was okay and to tell her he would be back later.

"Can you tell me what time it is?"

Elliot looked up, and saw the woman sitting at the table next to him was looking at him expectantly. The tables outside the brasserie were always very small, close together, and facing outward, so they were practically sitting side-by-side.

"You're American." He said, surprised to hear someone speaking English.

"Yes." She said, giving him a smile. "You too."

"Yeah." He remembered her question. He looked back at his phone. "It's almost 6."

The blonde woman pressed her lips together and gave him a pained smile. "Thanks." She let out a sigh. "Are you waiting for someone?" She asked.

Elliot shook his head. "Not exactly." He took another sip of beer. "More like avoiding someone." He was surprised to hear himself say that out loud. The woman laughed and he turned back towards her.

"I had a fight with my husband." She said by way of explanation. "That's why I'm here. I just had to get out of there."

Elliot nodded and took another swig of beer. "I know the feeling." The waiter delivered his food and he leaned back in his chair and sighed.

"I thought that Paris was supposed to be the City of Love." She said.

Elliot looked back at her. "Yeah…" He drained his beer. "And yet here we are, sitting by ourselves."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat out on the balcony. It was getting a little chilly outside, and she wondered if she should go in and get a warmer sweater and open a second bottle of wine. It was almost 9, and her mood alternated between annoyance and concern. She had checked her phone a number of times, but Elliot had tried to call, and he hadn't sent any texts either. She just didn't understand how this situation had gotten so out of control, and she wished Elliot would come home so they could talk.

At that moment, she heard keys in the door. But instead of relief that he returned, her anxiety spiked. She wasn't sure what kind of mood he was going to be in, and she didn't know what she was going to say. She stood up, and realized the bottle of wine she drank had made her slightly off her game. Olivia grabbed the back of the chair, trying to decide if she should stay out on the balcony until he found her, or if she should go in and meet him.

Olivia jumped slightly as his keys hit the counter. She heard one of the stools scrape across the floor, and then a swear word from Elliot, and she realized he must have run into it. Olivia wondered if he'd been drinking, and her anger spiked…until she remembered she'd been sitting here doing the exact same thing.

She hesitated a moment as she heard him moving around inside, kind of surprised that he didn't look for her out on the balcony. She screwed up her courage and headed towards the door, but as she stepped into the room, the only thing she saw was Elliot's bedroom door as it closed behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

Olivia was nonplussed. She stood in the middle of the living room, trying to decide her next step. Elliot clearly didn't want to talk to her, and she didn't know if she should force the issue or not. Olivia thought maybe Elliot had been drinking, and since she had too, she was worried things would escalate quickly. But if they didn't talk, she didn't think she would be able to sleep.

Still…

It didn't seem to be bothering him. He'd left her at the park, and now he was avoiding her. Some of the anger and frustration she'd been feeling before his abrupt return was starting to work its way back into her emotions. A little wine was fueling it no doubt, but she had every right to be angry. In fact, the more she stood there and thought about it, the more her anger seemed absolutely justified.

No more indecision. There was no way in hell she was going to let him hide in his bedroom after the stunt he pulled today. She marched over to his bedroom door and lifted her hand to knock. Before she could make contact, the door opened, and she stumbled forward slightly. Elliot caught her arms and kept her from falling, but she pulled away quickly and took a few steps back.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he watched her catch herself and regain her footing.

"Like you care." Olivia shot back.

"I do." Elliot said. "I'm glad you made it back…"

Olivia cut him off. "No thanks to you. You left me at the park with no money. No credit cards. Thank God I had tucked an extra apartment key in the bag. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know…"

Olivia cut him off again. "You don't know?" Olivia shook her head and threw up her arms. "That's great. That's fucking wonderful." She said as she dropped her arms. She started to turn away from him. "You're an ass." Olivia said disgustedly as she headed back towards the balcony.

Elliot reached out and snagged her arm. "Wait." He said as he tugged her back towards him.

Olivia didn't react well to being manhandled by him, and she wrenched her arm from his grasp as she turned back to face him. "What do you think you're doing?" She glared at him, waiting for an answer.

"You're not giving me a chance to explain."

"You're right. I'm not." Olivia said, walking out on the balcony. She picked up her half full glass of wine and took a long drink. She regretted her decision immediately when Elliot followed her out. She should have gone to her bedroom.

"Olivia."

Olivia didn't look up at him. She kept her eyes trained on the small table, the lights of the city behind her. "There's no explanation for leaving us like that." She said. Her voice was small and tight. "And I really don't want to hear your excuses." Olivia could see he was blocking the doorway, and she knew he wasn't going to relent. She thought she had wanted to talk to him, but now she knew she didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"I was upset and I needed to walk it off…"

"And decided we weren't worth coming back for?" Olivia's head shot up and she stared directly at him. She had been determined to ignore him, but she couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut.

Elliot was trying to keep calm, but he was getting agitated because she kept cutting him off. She needed to hear what he was trying to tell her…the whole thing. "I _did_ come back but I saw you talking to some strange man…"

It took Olivia a few seconds to connect the dots.

 _Unbelievable_.

"Strange man? He was just some man at the puppet show with his kids. He had Noah sit with his daughter." She said, even though she didn't owe him any damn explanation. "I don't really know who he was."

"I heard you laughing. You seemed to be enjoying yourself. Didn't seem like you were upset at all." Elliot said.

"Upset? Elliot…we weren't even fighting. I knew you were a little angry, but I figured you'd walk it off and then we would talk about it."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. I did come back to talk to you but then when I saw you..." Elliot decided not to bring up the man again. "And I heard you laughing, I let my anger get the best of me again."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "You were angry because…?" She looked at him expectantly, but didn't wait for him to answer. "Because I wasn't sitting there crying? Or are you so insecure that you got upset when you saw me standing next to man in the crowd?" Both options were ridiculous, and she could see from the look on his face that he knew it. She put her hands on her hips. "For your information, I _did_ wait for you to come back. But you were gone a long time. Noah woke up, and he wanted to watch the puppet show. So, we watched the puppet show. A man was nice enough to have his daughter sit with Noah."

"I know it was irrational. I know it was a horrible thing to do and that's what I'm trying to tell you."

"You're not telling me anything. The only thing I hear is that you were angry and upset and instead of talking to me, you walked away." She shook her head slightly, turning her gaze away from his. She lifted her glass to her lips and drained the glass. She reached for the open bottle, but before she could pick it up, she felt Elliot's hand over

"I think you've had enough." Elliot said, sliding the glass from her hand.

Olivia pulled back violently, and put some distance between them again. "Your one to talk." She snapped. "I can smell beer on you." She narrowed her eyes. "Is that where you've been all night? I've been sitting here wondering where the hell you were…wondering if you were okay…wondering if you were going to even come back…" She heard her voice break and she bit down harshly on her bottom lip. "And you've been sitting in a bar?" Once again, he'd let his anger and jealousy get the better of him again, and then he had added alcohol on top of it. "You're unbelievable." Olivia was done talking to him…and listening to his lame excuses. She pressed her hands against his chest, trying to push him out of the way. "I'm not listening to this anymore."

Elliot didn't move. He knew Olivia was upset, and he didn't like keeping her trapped out here on the balcony, but he needed for her to hear him out.

Olivia pushed against his arms; she didn't appreciate his intimidation tactics. But her strength was no match for his bulk, and she dropped her hands. "I don't want to do this anymore." She didn't like feeling trapped by him; she had to get out of this conversation…get away from him.

"You don't want to do what?" Elliot asked. He wasn't sure what she meant, and he didn't want to misinterpret her words.

Olivia took a step back again, and she looked down at the ground. She turned and placed her hands on the railing, looking out at the light of the city. She was feeling overwhelmed with emotions. Guilt over their conversation about Noah, fear that she couldn't commit to him, anger over his walking away from her today. "I don't know." She whispered. Olivia fingered the ring Elliot had given her, and she looked down at it as her hand rested against the metal railing.

Elliot felt a stab of fear…her answer scared the hell out of him. He moved up to the railing, but was careful to leave a few feet from her. "Olivia…" His voice was pleading now. "Please. Just listen to me." He waited a beat, but she didn't say anything. "I know that telling you I'm sorry won't begin to make up for what happened today…that I don't have the right words." He thought about the woman he'd met at the bar. He thought about the conversation they'd had…each telling their story to the other and getting a fresh, objective perspective. "I met a woman in the bar tonight…" He saw Olivia look up sharply, but he held up his hand, begging her to let him finish. "I told her about what had happened. About what I'd done. I told her about you…about us. She helped me understand your point of view…where you might be coming from. Even though she didn't know you, she pointed out things that I refused to see. I was making it about me, and I didn't even try to understand." Elliot took a deep breath. Olivia wasn't looking at him, but she seemed to be listening. "Things have been going so well and I just…" Now it was his turn to shake his head, not believing his own bad behavior. "I was waiting for something to happen. For you to change your mind. To tell me it was all a mistake." He heard Olivia's sharp intake of breath.

"Is that what you think? That this happened too fast? That this is a mistake?" Olivia asked. She didn't dare look at him as she waited for his answer.

"No!" Elliot said vehemently. He softened his tone. "That's not what I'm saying. It's just that when you said you weren't sure about me adopting Noah, that was what popped into my head. I thought you were pulling away."

Olivia turned to face Elliot. "How could you think that?" Her voice was still barely more than a whisper. "I've bared my soul to you over the past few days. I've told you things I've never told anyone. _Anyone_." She swallowed hard. "I _trusted_ you. With everything I had." Olivia could feel the tears on her lower lashes. She hated showing this vulnerability, but she was helpless to stop it. "I gave you my heart…my body…my soul." She swiped at her eyes, trying to keep the tears from spilling. "You said you believed in us. You said you'd never leave me. But today… one tough discussion and you're gone." Olivia turned back towards the city. "Maybe people don't really change." She said with a sigh.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you." Elliot said urgently. "We _have_ changed, and I shouldn't have doubted that. Doubted you. I fell back to what I knew and I let anger and jealousy take over. Instead of trusting in what we are now and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I let you down and as soon as I got that through my thick skull, I rushed back here to talk to you…" Elliot stopped talking, staring at Olivia's profile. He couldn't see her eyes; he didn't know what she was thinking right now. He saw the glint of the ring on her finger, and she was toying with it. He didn't think she even knew she was doing it. "Liv…please." He said, and now it was his voice that was a whisper. "I've been so happy this week, and I know you have been too. I'm not perfect. We're going to make mistakes." She was scaring him now. He knew she'd risked everything this week, and she was feeling betrayed. "Please. Don't throw this all away because I was an idiot."

"I've been thinking about this all night." She said, and her voice was clear now. She turned back to face him. "About why I reacted so badly when you said you wanted to adopt Noah."

"I shouldn't have sprung that on you like that. And I get it."

"No." Olivia shook her head. "I know you love Noah, and he would be lucky to have you as a dad." She pressed her lips together. "And you were right. When you asked me about adoption, it suddenly became so _real_. It scared me…" Olivia fingered the ring on her hand, twisting it back and forth on her finger. "and it made me think that maybe this was all happening too fast…that maybe I wasn't ready."

Elliot was listening to her, but his eyes were focused on the ring on her finger. He held his breath, worried she was going to slide it off her finger. Olivia was silent, as if she was waging a debate in her mind, and he couldn't take it anymore. He reached out, stilling the movement of her fingers. "Please don't take it off." He said quietly, despite the hammering of his heart in his chest.

Olivia's eyes focused on his hand where it lay over hers. She knew they were both at fault to some degree, but it still made her pause. She didn't know if she was ready for this, but she knew she didn't want to live without Elliot in her life. Olivia looked up at Elliot, and she could see the fear in his eyes. "I don't want to take it off." She said quietly.

Elliot was certain his sigh of relief was audible. He felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his chest and he could breathe again.

"We need to take one day at a time." Olivia continued. Her eyes searched his. "Can we just…" She didn't even know what she wanted right now.

"Tell me what you need." Elliot said. He knew they needed to talk some more, but he could tell Olivia was exhausted. "Anything."

"Just hold me El. Please. Just hold me."


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Hey there! Thanks for your patience as I work through this story. I hope you're still enjoying it, even if it's moving kind of slowly. I'll be wrapping this up soon! Thanks.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was curled up against Elliot on the couch, and he was stroking her hair. They'd been sitting like this since they'd come in from the balcony, almost twenty minutes ago, and neither one of them had said a thing. She was absorbing everything that had been said…everything Elliot had said. Finally, she found her voice. "You know, I never really apologized for my part in what happened today."

"You don't have to apologize. I told you that. I shouldn't have dropped the whole adoption thing on you like that."

"El. I meant what I said. Noah would be lucky to have you as a dad."

Elliot dropped his hand from her head to her shoulder and he squeezed it gently in appreciation of what she had said. "There's no rush Liv." He said softly. "We'll figure it out."

Olivia's breath caught slightly before she could stop herself.

"I haven't changed my mind." Elliot said, reading her thoughts. He wanted to tell her to stop overthinking every comment he made, but he didn't think that would go over very well right now. But he felt her relax against him again, and he knew that he just needed to provide a lot of extra reassurance right now. "I was thinking about what you said, and maybe you're right. We can slow things down. I was thinking we had waited long enough. But despite the fact that we think we have what we always wanted, it's still a big change for us. For both of us."

"It is." Olivia whispered. She loved the soothing tone of his voice. It was making her sleepy, and she supposed that maybe the wine and the emotional ups and downs of the day were contributing factors.

"We have to tell Cragen and the others, we have to figure out where we're going to live…" Elliot said, his mind reeling with everything that had to happen when they got back to New York.

Olivia reached up and flattened her palm against his chest. "That's not helping."

Elliot chuckled. "Sorry."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, and Elliot wondered if Olivia had fallen asleep.

"So…we can have a nice, long engagement?" Olivia asked softly, her words getting somewhat muffled by his chest.

"Whatever you want." Elliot said, running his hand down her arm. Olivia was quiet again, but he had no issues with the silence. He would hold her here forever if she wanted him too.

"You'll take me out? For dinner, and to the movies?"

Elliot chuckled lightly. "Whatever you want."

"And you'll swing by and surprise me at work? Bring me lunch?"

Elliot kissed the top of her head. "Whatever you want."

Olivia tilted her head back and looked up at him. "You're pretty agreeable."

"That's because everything you've asked sounds good to me." He smiled down at her. "And I want to give you everything you want."

Olivia flattened her palm against Elliot's chest and pushed herself up slightly until she was sitting. She pushed herself up slightly, and then slid her knee across Elliot's lap until she was straddling him. "And I want to give you everything you want." She said as she ran the palm of her hand over his close-cropped hair.

Elliot found he was holding his breath, and tried not to show his surprise at her what was assuredly a bold move for her. He reached up and cupped her cheek. "The only thing I want is you." The minute he said it, he realized how cheesy it sounded and he broke into a smile.

Olivia laughed lightly. "Well, that can be arranged." Her heart was beating out of her chest. There had been a time when she'd been the vixen…the one to make the first move…the one in control. That seemed like a lifetime ago and right now, she had to admit it felt strange to play this role. She leaned in and kissed Elliot gently.

Elliot let his hands rest lightly at her waist. "Whatever you want." He said softly, keeping his eyes focused on hers. He was worried she was rushing things…pushing herself too much in an attempt to right some ill-perceived wrong. He had to let her know that he wasn't expecting her to fall in bed with him tonight. He was expecting things to move slowly in the bedroom, as he'd told her before. She was in charge.

Olivia could feel his hesitation. She put her two fingers beneath his chin, and tilted his head up until he was looking directly into her eyes. "Thank you for being so patient…"

Elliot tried to shake his head, but she held him firmly.

"I mean it. It's like I…" Olivia paused, trying to figure out exactly how to tell him how she was feeling. "It's like I can finally take a full breath for the first time in a long time."

Elliot couldn't help but smile. She had nailed it…practically read his damn mind. Because all the years he'd waited, it had been like he'd been holding his breath. "I feel the same way."

Olivia smiled back at him. "This week is like a dream." She said. "I don't even recognize us. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and none of this will have been real. Or that someone that knows us is going to see us and point out that we're imposters. That our real selves are back in New York."

Elliot grinned at her. "I don't know." He said, brushing her hair from her face. "It feels pretty real to me."

"Good." Olivia leaned in and captured his lips, kissing him slowly…sensually.

Elliot pushed slightly against her hips, and she broke the kiss. "Liv...

"Anything I want." Olivia said with a small smile. "Isn't that what you said?"

"Well…" Elliot teased.

Olivia arched her eyebrow and pressed her lips together.

"Anything you want."

"Good." Olivia said, giving him a mischievous smile. "Because I'm hungry. Can you make me something to eat?"

Elliot let out a sound…a mix of a laugh and a growl, and whipped her down on the couch, quickly caging her body. "You're such a tease." He tilted his head and kissed her greedily…hungrily. He slipped his tongue in her mouth and he settled himself between her legs, careful to keep from putting all his weight on her. He broke the kiss. "You still thinking about food?" He asked with a grin.

"Kind of." Olivia quipped, and Elliot rolled off her and onto the ground with an exaggerated groan. He landed on his back with a grunt.

Olivia rolled over on her side and looked down at him. She dropped her hand and rested it on his chest. "I was joking."

"Too late." Elliot said, and he stretched his hands above his head. "It's been a long day, and I'm really tired. I have just enough energy to make you something to eat."

Olivia trailed her hand down over his abdomen. "Really?" She asked with skepticism in her voice. She let her hand smooth over the bulge in his jeans, and she heard his sharp intake of breath. "Seems like maybe you're not that tired…"

Elliot reached out and grabbed her hand, placing it back on the couch. "I don't want you to waste away from hunger." He rolled over and pushed himself up, and then walked into the kitchen.

Olivia go up and followed him behind the counter. She snagged him by the belt, stopping him in his tracks. "You think you're being funny…"

Elliot turned, forcing her to drop her hand. He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her around, pushing her back against the counter. He rested his hand on either side of the counter, and leaned in towards her.

"But you're not." Olivia finished her sentence. She ran her tongue across her lower lip, and then bit down on her lower lip. She ran her hand down his stomach and latched her fingers around his belt buckle. "Take me to bed." She said with a whisper, as she leaned in close and ghosted her lips over his.

Elliot felt his dick twitch and a low moan erupted from deep in his chest. "I thought food was the only thing on your mind." he rasped out.

"You're not listening to me." Olivia said, attacking the buckle of his belt while she sucked his lower lip in between hers. She was having fun; Elliot was keeping things light and it made it easier for her to take charge.

"I can't focus right now…" Olivia's hands had all his attention, as she unzipped his jeans and slid her hand inside. It took all his control not to thrust himself in her hand, and he gripped the edge of the counter as she slid her fingers up and down his hardening shaft. "Liv." He rasped out. He was gripping the counter with such force that his knuckles were white.

"Mmmm." She hummed against his mouth, and then tilted her head and gripped the back of his head so she could deepen the kiss. "Seems like I have your attention now." She said as she released his mouth. She squeezed him gently, earning another groan.

"Christ…" Elliot couldn't control his reaction any longer, and he thrust himself into her hand. He released the countertop and reached for the hem of her shirt. He slid his hands beneath the soft fabric, and he felt Olivia shiver as he slid them lightly over her skin. When his thumbs hit the underside of her breasts, he tightened his grasp and slid his thumbs hard over her peaked nipples. He rubbed them back and forth over the lace, and Olivia's hands slipped out of his jeans as she gripped the counter herself. Her head fell back as Elliot started peppering her chest with kisses, and he took her breasts in his hands and squeezed. He hummed as his mouth moved over the swell of her breasts and his tongue slid down the v of her cleavage. He tried to pull her bra to the side, and let out a sound of frustration when the lace wouldn't give.

Olivia pushed him back slightly, and he lost contact with her. She reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it up and over her head. Then she reached behind her back and released the clasp, but she held the material against her breasts, suddenly feeling self-conscious in the light of the kitchen. She closed her eyes for a second, and she was grateful that Elliot didn't push her, or try to pay her some compliment meant to put her at ease. He seemed to understand that she needed to do this on her terms.

"Would you feel better if I took my shirt off too?" Elliot quipped.

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Elliot whip his shirt over his head. He ran his fingers along a knife scar on his ribs, and the motion wasn't lost on her.

 _We all have scars. Emotional, mental and physical._

 _It's part of who we are._

Olivia could almost hear the words as if Elliot had said them out loud.

She rested her hand on his shoulder, and tugged him towards her until he was settled between her legs. She ran her fingers over the same scar he had been fingering a moment ago, and her eyes were focused on the motion. Olivia swallowed hard, and then lifted her head, looking back and forth between his eyes. "You make me feel safe."

Elliot thought that was probably one of the best things she could have said to him, because she hadn't felt that way in a long time. He liked to think of himself as a protector, and even though he had failed her so many times, it made him feel good that he had finally redeemed himself. That he could finally give her that. "You _are_ safe with me Liv. Always. Forever."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up disoriented, and it took her a moment to understand what was happening. She was curled up on her side in Elliot's single bed, and Noah was tugging on her hand.

"Mama."

She realized she was naked underneath the sheet that was twisted around her, and she tugged at the sheet to cover herself more completely. "Shhh." She said to Noah as she put a finger to her lips.

"Get up." Noah said impatiently. "I hungry."

Olivia nodded and pointed towards the door. "Go find one of your trucks and I'll be there in a minute."

Noah ran out of the room, and Olivia sat up, taking the sheet with her. She glanced over at Elliot, and he was sprawled on his back, which seemed impossible on the small bed, with one arm thrown over his head. He was out. He hadn't moved a muscle even as she moved off the bed, and she had to say she was surprised. She wrapped the sheet around her body, and scooped her pants and underwear off the floor. When she walked out of the bedroom, she closed the door quietly. Noah was playing with his trucks on the floor, and Olivia slipped into her room and donned some leggings and a tank top. She slipped a sweater over it, and then made her way back out into the kitchen.

It only took a moment until she spied her shirt and bra on the floor, piled next to Elliot's, and she was thankful that Noah wasn't old enough to understand what that meant. She picked them up and tucked them away, and then turned her attention to breakfast.

"OK Noah. I'm going to make us some breakfast." She started to pull ingredients for pancakes together, and she talked to him as she worked. "Hey Noah. We only have three days left in Paris. What do you want to do today?"

"Play!" Noah said. "Can we go to the park?"

Olivia smiled. "Sure. We'll figure out what we're going to do and we'll find a park along the way. How does that sound?"

Noah looked up at her and smiled. "Good." He cocked his head. "Can Ew Daddy come too?"

Olivia froze, recognizing the name he said in place of El, but surprised that he'd added the word Daddy. She didn't think he'd heard them talking, and she wondered where it had come from; if Elliot had said something to Noah. She gave him a smile. "Yes little man, El will come along too."


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I have no excuse for this long delay…

EOEOEOEO

Elliot awoke, and was surprised to see he was alone in bed. He hadn't heard a thing, and obviously hadn't woken up when Olivia slipped out of bed. He stretched, inhaling deeply, and he smiled because he could still smell Olivia. On the sheets…on him.

But he could also smell pancakes, and his stomach growled in appreciation.

Elliot pushed himself out of bed, and searched for a pair of pants. He finally found his jeans, and pulled them on. Underwear would come later, after a shower. He walked out into the living room, and saw Olivia and Noah seated on the floor, with plates of pancakes in front of them on the coffee table.

Olivia's back was to him, so Noah spied him first. Noah had a big syrupy grin on his face. "Mommy make pancakes!" He said enthusiastically before stuffing more into his open mouth.

"I see that." Elliot said with a chuckle as he saw more syrup run down Noah's chin. He watched as Olivia stood up and turned towards him, and he loved the smile on her face.

"Good morning." Olivia flattened her palm against his chest and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him. "Hungry?"

Elliot wrapped his arm around her waist, and kissed her back. "Hmmm."

"For pancakes." Olivia said with a grin as he released her.

Elliot walked over and plopped down on the floor next to Noah. "Yes ma'am."

Olivia was about to say something about the fact that he obviously expected her to serve him, but she saw Elliot "steal" a bite of Noah's pancakes and heard Noah's squeal of delight, and she let it go. As she dished up a plate for him, she watched the interaction between them and she could tell that Elliot really loved Noah.

Olivia walked around the counter, and slid the plate in front of Elliot. She sat across from her boys, and watched as Noah tried to steal back a bite from Elliot.

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asked after Noah let out a sound of triumph.

"Anything." Elliot said as he took his own bite.

"Did you say anything to Noah about us getting married?" Olivia asked quietly as soon as she made sure Noah wasn't paying attention. "About us being a family? Or about you being his dad?"

Elliot lifted a brow as he listened to her questions. "No." He knew there had to be a reason she was asking. "Why?"

"It's nothing." She said quickly, hoping Elliot wouldn't think she was making a big deal out of things again. "Noah and I were talking about what we should do today…" She paused for a second. "And he asked if Daddy could come along. El Daddy."

Elliot's first instinct was to smile; he loved the little guy as if he was his own. But he wasn't certain how Olivia felt about it. "I didn't say anything like that to him…" Elliot started defensively.

Olivia smiled. "It's OK." She said. "I didn't think you had." She looked over at Noah and then back at Elliot. "He came up with that on his own I guess." She had to assume he heard other kids talk about their mommy's and daddy's…that he saw other boys with their dads…and had made the leap.

"How do you feel about that?" Elliot said, still feeling a little unsettled after the previous day.

Olivia gave him a broad smile…a smile that lit her entire face. "I think he's a very smart little boy."

EOEOEOEO

Despite their late start, they had decided to rent a car and head out of the city to Giverny. It was one of the places Olivia had always wanted to go. She couldn't pass up an opportunity to see Monet's house and gardens.

Elliot hadn't been particularly crazy about the idea of driving, but they didn't want to be rushed with an official tour and bus ride out, especially with a small child in tow. They had stopped to get some sandwiches, cheese, fruit, still water, and wine, and Olivia appreciated not having to lug a large bag and stroller. She'd had enough of that the day before, and she made sure to tell Elliot that very thing as they loaded the car.

"Am I ever going to stop hearing about that?" He said, keeping his tone light.

"I may bring it up now and then when I need to." Olivia said, as she climbed into the passenger seat. "Just to keep you humble."

Elliot chuckled as he fastened his seatbelt, and he handed Olivia a map. "You're navigating."

They headed out of the city, and Noah sang in the backseat as Olivia tossed out directions and Elliot swore at French drivers and unreadable road signs. It took them almost an hour to reach the outskirts of the city, and they both started to wonder if driving had been a good idea. But soon after, the city gave way to the country, and driving became much easier.

The countryside that opened up before them was beautiful, and Olivia was happy that they'd had a chance to get out of the city.

"Paris is beautiful, but this is so peaceful." Olivia commented. The signs of spring were everywhere, and everything had that fresh look…the promise of warmer days and the smell of flowers. She turned to Elliot. "I'm happy we decided to come out here."

"Me too."

Olivia noticed Noah had stopped signing, and she glanced back and saw he was asleep…his head tipped to the side. She turned back towards Elliot and placed her hand on his thigh. "It's a good thing we have a drive ahead of us. It would be good for Noah to have a nap."

Elliot could feel the warmth of Olivia's hand though his jeans, and she was dangerously close to getting a handful. Moments later, as if reading his mind, Olivia squeezed his thigh and slid her hand down to his knee and back up again. He jumped slightly as she made contact, and he swerved slightly. He covered her hand with his quickly as he straightened out the car. "You're going to get us killed."

Olivia laughed lightly and pulled her hand from beneath his. "You're no fun."

"I'll pull this car over to the side of the road and show you some fun if you like."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Promises. Promises."

Elliot looked in the rear-view mirror, and was happy to see there were no cars behind them. He saw what looked like a wider part of the shoulder…a small clearing coated in gravel…and he pulled over quickly. He threw the car in par, and was out of the car as he heard Olivia asked what the hell he was doing. As he walked around the front of the car, he saw Olivia glance back at Noah. Elliot reached for the door and pulled it open, and he saw Olivia looking at him with a questioning look in his eyes. He smiled and reached for her arm, and tugged gently until she slid out of the seat.

"What are you doing?" She whispered loudly, glancing back down the road. "You can't just…"

Elliot silenced her with a kiss, and he pushed her body up against the back door of the car, pinning her against the metal with his hips. He grasped the back of her head and deepened the kiss, and he could feel her hands on his chest. He kissed her hard…hungrily…and when he released her mouth, he could tell he had caught her off guard. "I haven't been able to kiss you all morning." He mumbled as he nibbled at her lips. "And after last night…" He grasped her lips with his, and slid his tongue between her lips.

Olivia felt Elliot's hand slide down to her hips, and the feeling of his body against hers made her skin flush. Memories of the night before came rushing back, and she found herself sliding one hand behind his neck as she kissed him back.

"Pardonnez-moi, tout va bien?"

Elliot jerked his head, breaking the kiss, and stepped away from Olivia. He saw her knees buckle slightly at the sudden loss of body contact, but his attention was focused on the man standing on the shoulder of the road. He was dressed in work clothes, dusty from the road or work, and he looked to be in his 60's. Elliot didn't see a car, and he assumed the man had walked up from somewhere in the area. "Hey." He looked over at Olivia, knowing she understood the man's question.

Olivia stood up and brushed her hand down the front of her shirt, feeling as if she'd been busted by a parent. "Bonjour. Nous allons bien."

The man nodded, but stood in place, staring at them. Elliot shifted, unsure of what to do, and he looked back at Olivia.

"He just wanted to know if we were ok." She said, letting him in on the conversation. She looked back at the farmer, and saw he had a scowl on his face. He obviously wasn't a fan of random make-out sessions on the side of the road, and she smiled and nodded as she opened her car door. "We should go." She kept her hand in the air, as if to confirm everything was fine. "Merci. Bonjour."

Elliot waved to the farmer and walked around the car, and they both broke out into laughter as they buckled their seatbelts and pulled back on to the road.

They arrived in the small village of Giverny about twenty minutes later, and Elliot parked the car. It was a small, picturesque town, and there were several people coming out of a tour bus. Olivia woke Noah gently, and lifted him from the car seat as Elliot walked around the car.

They watched a group of people walking down the road, and assumed Monet's home was down that way. Olivia gave Noah a drink of water and a small snack, as Elliot stuffed a few more things in his pockets and checked the map.

"It shouldn't be a long walk." Elliot said. They debated the stroller, but left it behind, and headed off after the other group of people. It didn't look like they were going anywhere in particular, and Olivia was trying to keep track of Noah as he ran ahead and then back again, weaving in between some of the people ahead of them. And then suddenly, they were there.

Olivia stopped, and Elliot had to take a few steps back when he realized it. Olivia called to Noah, and he came running back. Olivia put her hands on his shoulders as he leaned back against her, and she took in the house. It appeared to be a pale pink in color, with bright green shutters on each side of the windows. It was a two-story house, and was quite wide, with a matching staircase up the front door. It was a beautiful home, but what was truly remarkable was the large garden in front of the house. The flowers weren't all blooming as it was too early, but she could see the breadth of it, and it looked exactly like the photo of Monet's garden that was famously portrayed in photos and paintings.

"This is breathtaking." Olivia whispered. "I can't imagine what this looks like in the middle of the summer, when everything is in full bloom."

Elliot took Olivia's hand and led her into the garden. Because they had stopped, the people ahead of them had dispersed, and were wandering in other parts of the garden and into the house. Olivia pulled her hand from Elliot's and started wandering down the paths in the somewhat untamed garden, drawn in by the chaotic beauty.

Elliot was rooted in place, watching Olivia. He glanced down at Noah, and saw he had plopped down on the ground near him, pushing his small toy truck through the grass. His gaze moved back to Olivia, and he watched as she leaned down and grazed a flower gently with her fingers. He took out his phone and starting snapping photos, happy to capture such unguarded moments. He thought that this week in Paris had been exactly what she needed…what they needed…and suddenly he didn't want to go back. He didn't want her to go back to her job that tore at her heart and her emotions…that weighed her down and stole the lightness he saw in her here. He wanted to lift that weight, and keep the smile on her face. He wanted mornings curled around her in bed and late-night love-making, without interruptions from her cell phone, dragging her to horrendous crime scenes.

At that moment, Olivia looked up and caught him taking a photo, but she only smiled at him and then continued her slow perusal of the garden. His heart ached…he was so in love with this woman.

He uttered a small prayer to God, thanking him for getting them to this point, and vowing to make sure he'd try his hardest to keep that smile on her face and the darkness at bay.

He noticed that Olivia had wandered out of camera range, and he shoved his phone into his pocket. "Hey Noah…" Elliot said as he looked down at the little boy. But he furrowed his brow when he saw Noah wasn't on the ground any longer. He looked around quickly, thinking the little boy had to be close by, but panic seized him when he didn't spot him immediately. "Noah!" He called out, a little more loudly than he had intended. He turned in a circle, but still didn't see him, and he felt another wave of panic. "Noah!" He said again.

"Is this who you're looking for?"

Elliot jumped as he turned and saw Olivia standing there, with Noah's hand in hers. She had one eyebrow raised, and he expected some choice words from her.

"Let's go inside." Olivia said, surprising him.

Olivia had been keeping an eye on Noah, and had watched as he'd run over to her. She knew she was giving up an opportunity to give him grief, but the look of panic on his face had been enough. He knew.

They spent the next half an hour exploring the inside of the house, and picking out some reprints in the gift shop. Someone was talking about Monet's water lilies, and the paintings at Orangeries in the Tuileries Gardens, and they made a mental note to try to get there before they left. But then they made their way across the road to Monet's Japanese Garden, and they knew the paintings wouldn't do it justice. They were carried away to another place, and they both commented that they couldn't believe they were in the French countryside. The bridge…the water lilies…the delicate sweep of branches trailing in the water. The famous painting had come to life. They wandered through, barely speaking, and even Noah was quiet as they soaked in the atmosphere.

They paused on one of the bridges, and Elliot lifted Noah so he was sitting on the wooden railing between them. He kept tight hold so he wouldn't wriggle out of his grasp, and he wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia looked up at Elliot and sighed. "I think I could get used to this."

Elliot wasn't sure if she was referring to this exact location, France in general, or being here with him and Noah, but it didn't really matter because he couldn't agree more. It was everything he'd been thinking about as he watched her in the garden. He kissed the top of her head as she leaned into him. He wanted to make promises…to tell her they could make it happen…when Noah wiggled in his arm.

"Can we go swimmin'?" Noah asked.

Olivia laughed, and the moment was past. But he knew they still had a lot to talk about, and now he wanted to do it sooner rather than later.


	19. Chapter 19

Elliot came out of the bedroom after tucking Noah into bed and saw Olivia curled up on the couch. She had her eyes closed, and he wondered if she was asleep. He paused, but at that moment, she opened her eyes and gave him a slow, lazy smile.

"I thought maybe you'd fallen asleep." He said quietly as he walked over to where Olivia was laying. He sat down on the coffee table, his knees bumping into the edge of the couch.

"Another few minutes and I may have been." Olivia brushed her hair away from her face. "It was a long day." She stretched her legs out and arched her back, letting out a low moan. She saw Elliot's eyes wander down her body and she smiled. "But a good one."

Elliot's eyes flicked back to hers. "It has." He covered her hand with his. "It's been one good day after another." He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "I almost don't want to leave."

"No one ever wants to go back after a vacation." Olivia said, lacing her fingers between his and lifting their hands slightly. She looked down at their joined hands.

"Maybe you don't have to."

Olivia glanced back up at his face. "We can't _all_ be on permanent vacation." She said with a small laugh.

"Hey, I work." Elliot said, pretending to be offended. "But actually…" He weighed his words carefully as their hands fell back on to the couch. He focused his attention on them, not wanting to give anything away with his eyes. "You've got twenty years in…you could retire and do something else. Or work part time. Or not at all."

Olivia pulled her hand from Elliot's. "El…" They had certainly talked about work in the past six months, but this was the first time he'd brought up the subject of her retiring…quitting the force. Now that she thought about it, she was actually surprised he hadn't. She should have anticipated it would come up.

"I'm just saying you should think about it."

"Don't start." Olivia said with a heavy sigh as she pushed herself up, curling her legs beneath her as she sat up. "Please…"

"You could spend a lot more time with Noah." Elliot pressed on, even though he knew he shouldn't. He couldn't seem to help himself.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him. "Really? You're going to play on my maternal guilt?"

"No." Elliot said quickly. "You know I think you're a great mother."

"El…" Olivia said. There was a warning in her tone.

"Well. You said you never get enough time with him and…"

Olivia shook her head, trying not to get upset. "Don't. Please. We've had such a good day. I don't want to fight with you." She started to get up from the couch, intent on putting distance between them, but then Elliot's hands were on her arms, pushing her back down gently.

"Wait." He released her arms. "Just…wait." He didn't want to fight with her either. "I just…" He leaned over, and rested his elbows on his knees. He didn't take his eyes off hers, and he was glad to see she was listening. "I worry about you." He put up his hand, anticipating Olivia's objection. "And I know you can take care of yourself and you've been doing it for years but…"

Olivia bit down on her lip, trying not to interrupt. This was obviously important to him, and she would let him get it out before she shut down him down.

Elliot took her hand in his again, and then lay his other hand over it. "I just feel like…" He took a deep breath. "It's been 19 years Liv. 19 years. It took so long for us to get here…" He shook his head slightly. "I know you think that you have more work to do…that there are victims out there that need you…" He squeezed her hand. "But _I_ need you Olivia. And I know that if something happened to you, I wouldn't survive it."

"Elliot." Olivia whispered. She didn't know what to say in response. She hadn't really thought about the toll her job took on the people in her life. For as long as she could remember, there hadn't been anyone else. She had always claimed to be married to the job, and she was. When Noah had come along, she'd been so busy showing everyone that she could do it all, she never considered if she _should_.

Elliot could see the emotions on Olivia's face, and he knew that his words had registered with her. "I'm not asking you to decide right now. I'm just asking you to think about it." He gave her a small smile. "This week has been amazing, mostly because we've spent virtually every minute together."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. She could think of a few other reasons that this week had been amazing, and she was rewarded with a small grin. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"I'm just saying…I want every minute I can get with you." Elliot sat up, letting her hand settle back on her lap. He stared at her, expecting her to say something, but she stared back at him.

Olivia looked back and forth between his eyes, really looking at the man sitting in front of her. "Sometimes…when you say things like that…I wonder who in the hell you are." She said quietly.

"You said it yourself…we're not the people we were."

"I know. But even knowing that, you still surprise me with the things you say sometimes." She parted her lips and let out a small breath. "You're making me think about things I never thought about before." She had always wanted a family, and now she was going to have one. It had all happened so fast and life in New York seemed so far away, that she hadn't really thought about it…about how life would change. Or about her priorities.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Olivia laughed lightly. "I guess we'll see." She leaned over and placed her hand on Elliot's knee, staring into his eyes. "But seriously…thank you. This trip…this time with you…and Noah…has been better than I ever could have imagined."

Elliot wiggled his eyebrows. "I bet you're glad you decided to invite me now, aren't you?"

EOEOEOEOEOE

Olivia stretched her body against Elliot's, feeling him stir slightly against her back. The sun was shining in the room, and a light breeze was flapping the white curtains lightly. She listened for Noah, surprised that he wasn't up yet, but she didn't hear anything.

Elliot tightened his arm around her waist and pulled her snugly against his body, mumbling into her hair. "Go back to sleep."

Olivia reached back and ran her hand against the side of his head. "It's our last day in Paris. Time to get up."

Elliot ran the palm of his hand down over her abdomen. "Let's spend it in bed."

"We can do that in New York." Olivia said, stilling his hand on her stomach.

"Mmmm." Elliot pressed his hips against her ass. "I like the sound of that."

Olivia felt her skin flush. She was still amazed at her body's reaction to his. She'd gone without sex for long periods of times, and now the slightest touch made her body ache. "Me too. But right now, we have to get up." She made no move to get up though, relishing the feel of Elliot's body wrapped around hers.

"You're no fun."

Olivia laughed. "That's not what you said last night." She pushed his hand off her stomach and slid out of bed. She turned around and leaned in, capturing a kiss. "Get out of bed."

"Don't tell me what to do woman." Elliot said playfully.

Olivia turned back towards him and raised an eyebrow, giving him one of her famous looks.

"Getting out of bed." Elliot said with a laugh, and he watched as Olivia grabbed a shirt off the floor and walked out of the room.

Elliot pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and rubbed a hand over his head as he walked into the kitchen. He could hear the shower running, and he considered ducking into the bathroom and joining her. But he knew Noah would be up soon and he knew they didn't have time. As if on cue, Noah emerged from the bedroom, dragging a stuffed dog and a blanket behind him.

Elliot smiled, remembering early mornings with his own sleepy-eyed children. He knew he had missed a lot of them, and he felt bad about that. But he was here now. He walked over to where Noah stood in the doorway, and pulled the sleepy boy into his arms. He walked over to the couch and settled down with Noah, holding him against his body. Noah wasn't usually this slow to wake up, but Elliot could hear his breathing slow as he lay his head on Elliot's chest. Elliot rubbed his back. "I feel you bud." He whispered as he ghosted a kiss in the little boy's hair.

They sat like that for another ten minutes, until Olivia came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. She stopped when she saw them sitting there, and she paused, taking in the picture they made curled up together. Just when she thought she couldn't love him any more…

"Someone's sleepy." Elliot whispered.

Olivia walked over towards them and her Noah's slow, steady breathing. "Maybe we should take it easy today, and just take the dinner cruise on the Seine tonight."

"Go back to the Tuileries?" Play in the park, have a picnic, race a boat in the pond."

"It sounds wonderful." They had pretty much seen everything they had wanted to see, with the exception of a few museums. But she knew Noah wouldn't be tolerant of an afternoon looking at old art. A carefree day in the city was the perfect way to spend their last day in the city. "I'll be right back." She mouthed and she headed to the bedroom to get dressed.

By the time she was dressed and walked back into the kitchen, she saw Elliot and Noah were up and getting some breakfast.

"Mama!"

Noah held out his arms to Olivia and she scooped him off the counter.

"Noah and I talked about our day, and he thinks it's a good plan." Elliot said with a grin. He lay some croissants on a plate and opened a jar of jam. He watched Olivia as she sat Noah back on the counter and held him in place. "Noah also thinks it would be a good idea if we figured out our living arrangements when we get back home."

"Noah said that?" Olivia asked with a smile. She'd been thinking about the same thing herself. She assumed Elliot would want to move in, and frankly, she couldn't imagine being apart after this trip.

Elliot shrugged. "Yeah, I was taking the croissants out of the package and he just blurted it out."

"Noah…you're such a smart boy." Olivia said, looking right at Noah.

Noah was completely ignoring her as he grabbed a pastry off the plate, and Olivia could see Elliot grinning in her peripheral vision. "Did Noah have any suggestions?" Olivia asked, looking at his sideways as she grabbed a croissant for herself.

"He said we should ask you what you wanted to do."

"He _is_ a smart boy." Olivia said, kissing Noah on his forehead. "There's probably room for you in our apartment…" She thought about the apartment she had rented with Brian…the plans they'd had…the future they had hoped for. Someone, she couldn't see herself starting her new life with Elliot there. "But maybe we should get out own place."

Elliot knew she had lived there with Brian, and he wondered if that was driving her decision. He hadn't heard too much about her relationship with Cassidy, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. "Whatever you want. We can look for a place when we get back."

Olivia nodded. "This is really happening."

Elliot chuckled. "You keep saying that."

"I guess it just doesn't seem real. It's like we'll go back to New York and our life will be just like it was before." Olivia saw the look on Elliot's face. "I know. I keep saying that too."

"Maybe it's because no one else knows." Elliot offered. They had decided to keep it to themselves, but he was getting excited to tell his kids.

"Maybe."

"We could call someone, if you want." He handed Noah some slices of banana. He looked back up at Olivia. "We could call the kids."

"I don't know." Olivia said, taking in a deep breath. "How do you think they're going to react?"

"They're going to be excited. I told you that already."

Elliot's enthusiasm and certainty made her feel a little better, but she still felt nervous. "Don't you want to tell them in person?"

"I'm excited Liv. I want everyone to know. Let's call someone. Anyone. You choose." He said as he swung Noah down off the counter. "Who are you closest to?"

Olivia ran through a list of names, but people had come in and out of her life over the years. And for the most part, the people in her life now didn't know Elliot. "You." She said. It was kind of sad…how fleeting her friendships had been…but Elliot had been her best friend since Day 1.

Elliot didn't push. "Let's call Kathleen, and then the other kids. OK?"

Olivia nodded and Elliot slipped his phone from his pocket. She watched as he dialed the number, and she felt nerves slide up her spine. She knew she had no reason to be nervous, but she couldn't help it.

Elliot looked back at her as he held his thumb over the send button. "Ready?"

Olivia hesitated for a second and then nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."


	20. Chapter 20

"Dad!"

Elliot held the phone away from his ear, laughing at Kathleen's enthusiastic response to hearing his voice. He hit speaker on his phone, so Olivia could hear the conversation.

"Hey kiddo." He replied. "It's good to hear your voice." He heard Kathleen talking to someone else in a muffled tone, as if she had her hand over the microphone. "If you're busy…"

"Dad?"

Elliot heard Maureen's voice on the phone, and he realized the girls were together. "Hey Maur. I tried calling you first, but you didn't answer."

"My phone is dead, and I don't have a charger and Dickie is already using Mom's…"

Elliot glanced over at Olivia. He hadn't anticipated that the kids would be at Kathy's.

"I don't know why I'm rambling about my stupid phone." Maureen said. "How's Paris? I'm so jealous!"

"Give me back my phone. Dad called _me_."

Elliot heard Kathleen in the background. "Are you guys at your Mom's?" He wanted to confirm, and he glanced up at Olivia again. "Are Dickie and Liz there too?"

"Duh." Said Kathleen. "It's Sunday afternoon."

Elliot realized he had absolutely no idea what day it was; when you're on vacation, there's no need to know. So, he hadn't put 2 and 2 together and realized the kids were at their usual Sunday dinner at Kathy's.

He liked the idea of being able to tell the kids at once, but he wasn't certain about telling them at Kathy's. He felt he should tell her in person, and he realized he hadn't really thought this through at all. Even if the kids hadn't been at Kathy's, they would have told her. Hearing it second hand would be even worse. He was wavering now, and he looked back at Olivia. She was watching him, and he saw her press her lips together. She knew exactly what he was thinking, and he felt bad about it.

"It's OK." She mouthed, disappointed in his waning enthusiasm. But she understood, or tried to. He was married for a long time, and she knew that even though they'd been divorced for quite a while, there was still an emotional bond.

Elliot hated that he had disappointed Olivia, and he had the impression that he'd made her feel like the other woman somehow, even after all these years.

"Dad?"

Elliot heard Kathleen's voice, and he realized she had been talking. "Yeah…what were you saying?"

"I asked how Paris was. Is Olivia there with you? Are you guys having a great time? Elizabeth said, with a slightly exasperated tone.

"Did you go to the top of the Eiffel tower?" Elizabeth chimed in.

"I'm here." Olivia said. "And yes, we went to the top."

"And yes, we're having a great time." Elliot said.

"Did you call just to rub it in?" Dickie asked. "I'm stuck in class and you're drinking wine in France."

"Hey, you chose to go back to school." Kathleen said.

"Yeah, no one forced you to go back." Lizzie said, chiming in with her sisters.

"Hey!" Elliot said. "I'm not paying International long-distance charges to listen to you guys argue."

"We're not arguing." Kathleen said. "But I hear you. So, what's been the best thing about your trip so far?"

Elliot took in a deep breath. It was now or never. He grabbed Olivia's hand, and tangled his fingers with hers. He squeezed gently. "The best thing about our trip so far?" Elliot repeated. "Well…like Liv said, the view from the Eiffel Tower was pretty amazing." He winked at Olivia. "The palace and the grounds at Versailles were breathtaking. Mmmm. We saw the Mona Lisa, and we went out to Monet's house and saw his garden." Elliot smiled at Olivia and he saw a small smile on her face as well. "But probably the best part was when I asked Olivia to marry me…and she said yes."

Olivia heard a small gasp at the other end of the line, and then a moment of silence before several voices chimed in at once.

"What did you say?"

"Did you say you and Olivia got _engaged_?"

"You and Liv? Oh my God. I didn't even know you were dating."

The questions all poured in at the same time; their voices tripping over each other. It finally must have occurred to them that neither he or Olivia was answering, because he heard Kathleen shushing everyone.

"You and Olivia are getting married?" Kathleen asked.

"Yes." Elliot was looking at the phone, but he felt Olivia squeeze his fingers.

"Holy shit." Dickie said, followed by a small yelp, and Elliot assumed one of his sisters had smacked him in the arm.

"Dad…that's…wow." Maureen said.

He couldn't gauge their reaction, and now he worried that maybe they weren't as excited as he thought they'd be. He didn't know what to say…what to ask…when he heard Kathleen's voice again.

"That's so freakin' awesome!" Kathleen said excitedly.

"Yeah?" Elliot asked, trying to listen for false enthusiasm in her voice.

"It's about time." Maureen said.

"I mean, really Dad…" Kathleen said. "We were the ones that pushed you to get back in touch with Olivia."

"Yeah, we should really get all the credit." Dickie said.

"Is Olivia still there?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm right here." Olivia responded.

"Congratulations!" Elizabeth said excitedly.

"Yeah Liv. Congrats. Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Kathleen teased.

Olivia laughed at Kathleen's comment and Elliot shot her a dirty look. But before she could comment, Maureen chimed in again.

"When's the wedding?"

"Can we be bridesmaids?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't want to wear a tux." Dickie said.

"Ooo. Eli can be ring bearer." Elizabeth squealed.

"He's too old." Said Maureen.

"Hey!" Elliot said, trying to get their attention. Having them talking all at once was driving him crazy.

They all quieted down. "Sorry Dad." Kathleen said, being the spokesperson for her siblings as usual.

"It's fine. I'm glad you happy about the news." He squeezed Olivia's hand again. "We wanted to tell you guys first and we probably should have waited until we got home but..."

"No. We're glad you called Dad." Elizabeth said. "We just can't wait to see you now! I mean…you and Olivia."

Elliot grinned. "We're anxious to see you too. We'll be back in a few days, and then we'll get all of us together for dinner. But before you ask us a million more questions, I'm telling you right now that we haven't set a date and we don't know where we're going to get married. We haven't made any decisions."

"It's okay. We're just excited for you." Kathleen said. "Liv…you're good for him. He's been so happy lately."

Olivia felt her skin flush slightly. She didn't realize how much their approval meant to her. "Thank you. That means a lot to me." And she meant it. Elliot's kids, except for Eli, were grown. They were adults with lives and emotions of their own. She knew each one of them had their own experience with Elliot and Kathy and the changes the ups and downs of their relationship had had on them. She really didn't know what their opinion of her was, especially since Elliot had left the force. Left her.

Elliot saw the smile on Olivia's face, and he was so proud of his children in that moment. "We will be home Tuesday night, so do me a favor and figure out a night that you can all meet us for dinner, and I'll touch base on Wednesday."

"OK." Said Maureen. "I'll text you."

"Hey Dad?" Kathleen said, and Elliot could hear concern in her voice. "Um…Mom wants to talk to you."

Elliot's heart skipped a beat, and his eyes flicked back to Olivia's. He saw her nod slightly, and he took the phone of speaker and put it to his ear. "OK hon. Put her on." He watched as Olivia moved away, as if to give him some privacy. "Love you honey. Tell your brothers and sisters the same."

Olivia watched Elliot as he waited for Kathy to come to the phone. She could see the tension in his shoulders as he walked into the kitchen, and she wondered what he was thinking and feeling right now. She walked over to where Noah was playing on the floor, and scooped him up. "Let's go play in our room for a few minutes." She said. Luckily, Noah didn't protest, and she carried him into the bedroom and closed the door.

Elliot turned when he heard the door close, and he reminded himself to thank you for the privacy when he was done with the call.

"Hey." Kathy said.

Elliot turned his attention back to his ex-wife. "Hey."

"I hear congratulations are in order."

Kathy's voice was quiet, and Elliot thought he could hear the silent resignation in her voice. "I should have told you in person. I'm sorry." He didn't know if he was apologizing for hearing about it second hand, over the phone, or if he was apologizing for his part in the failure of their marriage. Maybe he was even apologizing for all the times he told her there was nothing between he and Olivia, when it was pretty obvious there had been.

"We did the best we could Elliot." Kathy paused. "But in the end, we were just fooling ourselves. I lost you to her a long time ago."

"Kath. We never…I never lied to you about that."

"I know Elliot." She laughed lightly…almost painfully. "Maybe if you would have just had an affair, we could have gotten past it."

Elliot sighed, at a loss for words.

"Despite how everything's turned out, I don't regret any of it." Kathy continued. "We had a good marriage for a long time. We have five wonderful children. Even after we split, it felt like we were in an odd holding pattern…not able to go back to what we had…but not able to go forward. Now…you're moving forward, and maybe I can now too."

"I'd like that for you…I want you to be happy." Elliot said, and he meant it with all his heart. Kathy was warm and generous and loving, and she deserved to have someone that loved her. "I love you Kath. I always will."

"I love you too Elliot." Kathy said. "Please tell Olivia…" She paused again. "Tell her…I'm not upset with her. I don't blame her for anything. I mean, maybe she doesn't feel that way, but if she does." Kathy let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm rambling. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm happy to know that I wasn't crazy all those years…when I saw what was happening. It feels like it was inevitable that we'd end up here and…I'm fine. We're fine."

"Thank you for that." Elliot said. He felt a loosening in his chest that had been there since Kathy had gotten on the phone. "I'll tell her." He honestly didn't know how Olivia was feeling these days. They'd touched on it, but never really dug into it since they'd only been friends until this trip to Paris. "I'd better go." This call was undoubtedly costing him a fortune.

"Stop by when you get back." Kathy said. "You and Olivia."

Elliot smiled. "We will. Night Kath."

Elliot ended the call, and he stood against the counter, replaying every word of the conversation in his mind. He wondered how he would feel if Kathy had called him and told him she was getting married, and he thought they at this point, he could honestly say he'd be happy for her. Maybe that was only because he was in love himself. If he was alone, maybe he wouldn't be so gracious. He'd never know, but he decided Kathy was a bigger person than he was.

Elliot heard a thump and a wail from the bedroom, and he turned his attention back to Olivia and Noah. He rushed to the bedroom and burst through the doorway. He saw Olivia sitting on the floor with Noah on her lap, and Noah was crying hard. "Everything OK? What happened?"

"We were goofing around on the bed and he backed up and tumbled off the bed before I could catch him." Olivia was checking the back of Noah's head. "Do you see blood?" There was a frantic tone in her voice, and Elliot bit back a smile because Noah was already quieting down.

"Kids fall down Liv. I'm sure he's fine."

"He hit his head really hard." Olivia said harshly as she rubbed her hand lightly against the back of Noah's head. But Noah was already wiggling around on her lap, trying to escape her examination.

"I think he's fine." Elliot said, squatting down next to Olivia. He reached out to Noah's outstretched hand. "You ok buddy?"

Noah stretched his arms out to Elliot, but Olivia stood up, keeping Noah in her arms. "I'm going to take a better look." She set Noah down on the edge of the bed and wedged her legs against his to try to hold him in place as she tried to look through his hair for any blood.

Elliot could feel the tension in the room, and he didn't have to use any of his detective skills to know she was nervous about his conversation with Kathy. He also knew she wouldn't bring it up unless he did. He saw Noah squirming on the bed, trying to get away, and he reached out and touched her shoulder lightly. "He's fine." He said quietly.

Olivia stopped holding Noah in place and he crawled across the bed with a squeal of delight, babbling about his escape.

Elliot saw Olivia's shoulders sag slightly, and she dropped her head a little. "Liv." He reached out for her arm and tried to get her to turn towards him. She fought him a little, and he let it go. "You don't need to worry Liv. Kathy's fine."

Olivia heard what he said, but she didn't respond. She had known full well that marrying Elliot meant a relationship with his five children, but she hadn't really thought about having much interaction with Kathy. But of course, she'd be a part of their life too…and the minute Elliot had taken the phone off speaker to talk to her, guilt had crept in.

"Olivia. We haven't done anything wrong." He waited for Olivia to say something, but she didn't. She kept staring at Noah as he played with his books on the bed. "We don't have anything to feel guilty about."

"Don't we?"

Elliot sighed.

"What if I had never walked into the squad room that day? What if we had never been partners?" Olivia turned to face him. "What if one of us would have left when things started to get…complicated?"

"Seems to me you tried that." Elliot said. Oregon was one subject that they hadn't discussed at all.

Olivia looked up at him sharply.

"Liv…listen to me." Elliot said. "We could spend hours talking about what if's if you want, but at the end of the day, we'll never know the answers to those questions." He ducked his head slightly, trying to capture her eyes, but she was being stubborn, and she refused to look directly at him. "I thought we agreed that the past was in the past, and that we were going to focus on the future." He waited a moment to see if she was going to respond, but when she didn't, he forged ahead. He used his fingers to lift her chin slightly, giving her no option but to look at him. "I believe that this is exactly where we're supposed to be right now, and you told me the very same thing. The kids are excited, and Kathy is fine." He paused a beat. "Do you want to know what she said?"

Olivia's curiosity was piqued, but she didn't want to admit it.

"She said that she was happy for us. That she felt like she and I had kind of been in limbo, but now she felt like she could move on too." He forged ahead. "She also said that she hopes you're not wasting any time feeling guilty or worried that she's angry…"

"She didn't say that." Olivia said quietly. She was assuming Elliot was telling her what he thought she wanted to hear.

"She said all those things." He let his hand slide down to her shoulder. "And, she wants to see us when we get back."

Olivia swallowed hard.

"It's all going to be ok." Elliot smiled broadly at her. "When we get back, we'll have dinner with the kids, and I'm sure we'll see Kathy, and you'll see that everyone's happy and excited for us. Do you believe me?"

Olivia wanted to believe him, mostly because she didn't have any other option but to make it work. She wouldn't give up Elliot now. She couldn't. She nodded slightly, unable to find any words.

Elliot leaned in and captured her lips, kissing her softly. "We're in a good place Liv." He kissed her again. "You don't have to worry."

Olivia smiled back at him. "OK." She said simply.

Elliot looked back and forth between her eyes. "Just like that." He said…both a statement and a question.

She gave him a smile and slid her arms around his neck. "No looking back, right?"


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia held on to Noah as he tried to get a closer look out the window. He had his hands and nose pressed up to the glass as the boat glided through the water, and he pointed excitedly as the lights flashed up and down the Eiffel Tower. The bright lights created a strobe effect up and down the Tower, and she could hear others on the boat oohing and aahing.

"I'm glad we didn't skip this." Olivia said, glancing over at Elliot in the seat next to her. They had debated about skipping it, because they had to go late in the evening to make sure it was dark enough to get the full effect of the city lights. But had ultimately decided to go.

She twisted back in her seat towards the window, happy that the boat had slowed in its travel on the Seine, so they could see the entire light show. Pont Neuf was ahead, and she was anxious to get a night time view of St. Chappelle and Notre Dame at night as well. She was trying to keep Noah engaged until dinner; it was supposed to be extraordinary. The whole Bateaux Parisiens Dinner Cruise was the perfect way to cap off this trip to Paris.

Olivia smiled, mostly to herself, as the show started to wind down. This vacation truly was the trip of a lifetime. Olivia had wanted to go to Paris for as long as she could remember, and when she'd finally booked the trip, she had hoped it was everything she had imagined. But right now, with Elliot by her side, she knew she couldn't possibly have imagined anything like the past nine days.

Olivia leaned back into Elliot's arm as he slid it around her shoulders.

"Me too. And Noah seems to like it so far." He watched as Noah stood with another child his age…a little girl…and they both talked excitedly as the Eiffel Tower went dark.

"Yeah." Olivia watched her son as he plopped down on the floor and showed his new friend his cars, and she felt utter and complete peace. "So…" She kept her eyes trained out the window. "Let's just pretend…"

"I like to play pretend." Elliot quipped, squeezing her shoulder and earning a small laugh from Olivia. But he knew she had something on her mind when she cut her laugh short and elbowed him lightly.

"I'm being serious." Olivia said.

"OK." Elliot said soberly.

"Let's say that I retired from the NYPD…" Olivia heard Elliot's breath catch, and she knew she'd caught him off-guard. "What would we do? Where would we go?"

Elliot was so surprised by her comment and her questions, he didn't answer for a few beats. He never honestly thought she'd even consider leaving the force, but _he_ had certainly thought about it. Many times. But he'd never told her about his visions for their future. Visions he'd had long before they'd made this trip to Paris. "I think we leave the city. But we don't go too far. Maybe out on Long Island. Get a little land…maybe a small hobby farm. Get a couple of dogs. We could have a big garden. Lots of green grass so Eli and Noah can play."

"Wow." Olivia said, surprised by the detail and the wistfulness in his voice. "You've really thought about this."

"I have."

"I've never lived anywhere except Manhattan." Olivia said. "But there is something about the picture you've painted that sounds absolutely wonderful." Life in Paris had opened her eyes to life at a different pace, and while she knew she was on vacation, she was starting to understand that she could have a life that could closely resemble this. She and Elliot had put in their time…they could live on their pensions.

"I have to tell you Liv…I'm surprised. One…that you'd ever think about leaving the job and two…that you'd ever consider leaving Manhattan."

"Well, as you've pointed out so many times in the past several months, we've both changed." She turned her head and gave him a shy smile. "Anyway…I didn't say I was going to…" Olivia said quickly. "I just said what if."

"I know." Elliot said. "But I'm glad that you're at least thinking about it."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia shifted Noah's dead weight on her lap as their taxi wove through the streets of Paris. The little boy had been clinging to her for the last hour of the boat ride, stubbornly refusing to go to sleep, or to let Elliot hold him. Olivia had carried him off the boat, and for several blocks, until they were able to find a taxi, and now she held him close as he slept. She shivered slightly. The night air had cooled down considerably, and she had a chill she couldn't shake.

The taxi wound through the streets, bumping over cobblestones in some places, and yielding to people walking through the city in other places. Elliot had told him to take a scenic route, as they wanted to take in the city one last time. Tomorrow would be packing and getting ready to leave, and there wouldn't be time for sight-seeing.

Olivia leaned back in the crook of Elliot's arm, feeling the warmth of his body seep into hers. They were both quiet as they watched the shops and restaurants pass by. Olivia knew that Elliot's thoughts were probably the same as hers. They knew this trip had to end, but they were sad to leave. This city would always hold a special place in their hearts. It was where their long journey…the push and pull that had defined them for so long…had ended. It was where their love had finally found it's voice. It was the beginning of them…the creation of a new family.

Elliot ran his free hand lightly down Noah's back, and he leaned in and kissed Olivia softly. "I love you. He kissed the top of Noah's head. "And I love Noah." He looked into her eyes. "I'm looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together."

Olivia smiled back at him. "Paris has really brought out in the romantic in you. I wonder what it will be like when we get back to New York."

Elliot smirked at her. "This is just the beginning. It took a trip to Paris for me to finally get the nerve to tell you how I feel, but I promise you, I'm going to make up for lost time and make sure I show you how I feel each and every day."

"I think I can live with that." She leaned forward slightly and kissed him. When she released his lips, she fell back against his arm. "So, if we have never come to Paris, what do you think would have happened to us?"

"If we had never come to Paris?" Elliot looked down at Noah and then back to Olivia. "It might have taken a bit longer, but you and me? It was always going to happen. It was just a matter of time. We were meant for each other Liv."

"Destiné à être." She said softly.

Elliot laughed quietly. "I like the sound of that. Destiny." He leaned in and kissed her again. He let out a small growl. "And you're so damn sexy when you speak French." He grinned. "But seriously Olivia. I've never been happier. It's you and me...forever."

Olivia smiled as she looked into the eyes of the man she had loved for almost two decades. "Forever…Partners for life."

The END

 **Authors note** : Sorry for the cheesy line at the end. I couldn't help myself. I know this last chapter was short, but it all just came together naturally. I really do appreciate all the comments and feedback, and all those that took the time to read this and any of my other stories. Your appreciation is what keeps me writing (and a love of Elliot and Olivia too!). Thank you, and hopefully I'll be back with another story soon.


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